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Strong Man - what's your definition of a Strong Man


HappyHealing

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One of the qualities i keep hearing that woman desires in a man is that he is a strong person - not necessarily in a physical/masculine sense, but of a strong character.

 

My question for you is that what do you consider as signs of a 'strong man'. How do you tell of one's strength from his behaviors. If you see indication of 'signs of weakness' in a man please do share also.

 

I'd really like to explore and find out what everyone really mean when they talk about a 'strong man' and how you see strength in a person...

 

Thanks

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Standing up for what is right, setting boundaries, illustrating ownership over his own well-being and the empathy of the well being of someone else, perceiving it as the nice thing to do because weakness is when you call yourself a man and behave like a boy (emotionally). This is true in not just romantic relationships. Human relationships in general.

 

It takes a bit of fearlessness, that which we all have to confront in order to grow.

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Personally, I think a strong man is someone who's not afraid to tell you things as is, and yet still be able to be emotional when needed.

 

He has a mind of his own, and yet still be willing to compromise.

 

Aside from the physical sense, these are probably the traits I would describe as someone who's strong.

 

I consider my bf strong, in the sense that I feel at ease with him. I know that he'll always be there for me, regardless and I feel safe in his arms.

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Strong Man

 

a) Takes responsibility of his actions

b) Thinks for himself (Not in selfish terms). Has a head of his own and stands for his ideals. Doesn't change his stance for convenience.

c) Gives his coat when I am cold, tries to be protective even if he is a skinny-no muscles guys. Is gentle to women, other human beings and animals.

d) Aggressive but yet gentle in bed (very few people can do that)

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Standing up for what is right, setting boundaries, illustrating ownership over his own well-being and the empathy of the well being of someone else, perceiving it as the nice thing to do because weakness is when you call yourself a man and behave like a boy (emotionally). This is true in not just romantic relationships. Human relationships in general.

 

It takes a bit of fearlessness, that which we all have to confront in order to grow.

 

Exactly. Bingo.

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And a "strong" man is also satisfied with being single, because if he claims (not just claims to claim) ownership of his mind, body, and spirit, he should be wise enough to see a romantic relationship not as his highest purpose, but as an intersection in his greater tapestry. If a man is vibrating with incompleteness while single, then he is further informed of just how much ownership he actually demonstrates. A man should own himself, transferring it through all kinds of relationships. It shouldn't stop, but it often does, because we are likely to doubt ourselves when we walk into more emotional territory. When we resist confrontation of our own aversions, the issue will remain at a simmer. It's easy to think that setting boundaries or standing up for what is right is mean, but you are actually setting yourself up to awaken to the grander truth: love.

 

I understand that what I said my sound heavy, but it's actualization allows for a more heightened sense of weightlessness.

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As usual, great posts from easyguy. He's pretty much covered everything. And I love your signature, by the way, EG:

 

"Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public." -Dr. Cornel West

 

I would say that's the hallmark of a strong man: he's just, and able to love. And he brings that sense of integrity to all his interactions, without preference.

 

A strong man:

 

1. Stands up for himself and his principles

2. Criticizes himself, and also can apologize; isn't too proud to be fair or change his views, with proper investigation

3. Stands up for others who are at a disadvantage and protects those he loves, whether it makes him look good or not

4. Speaks to his adversaries diplomatically, with emotional calm and equanimity -- he has control over his reactiveness

5. Is self-reliant but knows when to ask for help

6. Isn't afraid to be vulnerable and cry

7. Doesn't go into denial or act avoidant about the hurts he experiences or those of others

8. Knows when to act decisively, but also has patience

9. Picks himself up when life throws him down -- perseveres against all adversity

10. Does not mock softness or tenderness, or even weakness in anyone else

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A "strong" man, also, does not allow mistakes or undesirable outcomes be a self-loathing reflection of himself. He knows he doesn't know everything, and what ignorance he has will not kill him, but he doesn't wish to resign in a constant state of ignorance.

 

And Dr. Cornel West is someone I greatly admire. Some of his quotes shot me down when I read them.

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If a man knows who he is, then he would not care what other people think of him.

 

If a man has wisdom, then he would have no fear.

 

If a man listens to his inner voice, then he would be able to act - whatever the chances for either profit or loss, whether the world approves or disapproves.

 

Everyone who has lived life to some capacity has accumulated "wisdom". Fear is weakened when your deepest wisdom flows and is actualized, not just accumulated and understood at the surface level. Simply having wisdom isn't enough to completely stop acting like a fool.

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Everyone who has lived life to some capacity has accumulated "wisdom". Fear is weakened when your deepest wisdom flows and is actualized, not just accumulated and understood at the surface level. Simply having wisdom isn't enough to completely stop acting like a fool.

 

The way I see it - The problem is that a lot of people accumulate a lot of experience without attaining insight. For this reason, they live in fear, e.g. fear of failure, fear of criticisms, fear of poverty, etc.

 

If a person lived all his life in a small-town, then he might see his neighbours' opinions as all important. If some scandal or rumour involved him, then he might feel as though this were the end of the world. However, if this person ventured outside, then he would realise that there is a whole world out there.

 

In the same way, a person might be constantly in fear of losing his job. Some people, however, will come to discover that there is a whole reality beyond the nine-to-five salary mode of existence.

 

Of course, some people accumulate experience without ever attaining wisdom. Such is the way of the world.

 

Wisdom is either religious or non-religious. As for non-religious wisdom, most old people are wise, because they have seen enough that nothing matters anymore. Lust, wealth, glory, and fame are but dust in front of their eyes. As for religious wisdom, some people become enlightened. While non-religious and religious wisdom have similarities, religious wisdom cut through all clinging. Therefore, it is qualitatively different.

 

*********

 

Upon rereading your post, I realise that we are talking about the same thing. I would refer to "surface wisdom" as knowledge. For me, wisdom requires insight. Wisdom is only when it cuts through your way of thinking, feeling, existing. Knowledge is like a seed. It calls to you. Sometimes, with the watering of experience, it turns into insight, which cuts through erroneous beliefs to create wisdom.

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I guess many things point towards an emotionally and mentally strong person:

 

Strong people don’t have trouble saying “sorry”.

They wont generally talk in absolutes.

When someone voices a conflicting opinion they are unlikely to feel threatened.

They have a strong sense of self.

They have a high level of personal integrity.

A strong person will also (but perhaps not always) have an awareness of society.

A strong person keeps a sense of fallibility about his thoughts and views.

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There are some really great posts here. I've thought about this at length; bc I feel like it's something that I have personally worked on as a person and have had to learn the hard way through companions and experience.

 

So for me personally, strength of person - a lot of it - is a matter of integrity. Integrity - a completeness and wholeness of person hood, something that holds a person together regardless of what may come at them challenge-wise, experience-wise, or otherwise. It's consistency, a value system, a philosophy of life, beliefs that are firm yet flexible enough to know when there is something else to be learned, and an over all sense of humanity that is through and through.

 

It's also having the courage and commitment to follow through things to their natural end, and having an understanding and respect for life.

 

In very simple terms, in my definition, a strong person is someone who is committed to being on the side of life and growth, on the individual scale and on the larger scales. It's organic completeness. Weakness is - spreading illness and death. And if I ever question in myself whether one thing I am doing or thinking of doing or a path thinking of taking one or the other - I boil it down to that. The strong person beams and moves forward to life and integrity, weakness is anything that contributes to illness and death.

 

This is why I have come to feel and believe that strength is not really defined by traits, so much as it is by commitment to something bigger. An individual person - no matter how strong, brave, noble - is only so much. But a person who is all those things and also aligned with other sources of strength, other life? Resiliently strong, intelligently strong.

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How is a "strong man" any different then a simply rational human being? A lot of people's definition are contingent on the idea of a mentally healthy highly rational person. Which goes for both men and women really.

 

When go through everyone's list and change man to woman and he to she it all fits pretty much the same.

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One time I was dating these guy whose friend made a snide comment about me for no reason. He didn't say a single thing, in fact, he sort of shrunk away. He apologized later for his friend but never talked to him directly about it. That's a weak behaviour.

 

When I see people who have someone wronging them (even unintentionally) by not speaking up when a person gets your name wrong or not speaking up when the waiter gives you the wrong plate of food. Instead, you just complain and accept it begrudgingly. That's a weak behaviour.

 

When your friend makes a joke and you get offended (even though it was just a joke, not even that mean of one, and they apologize) and you remain passive aggressively angry at them for a few days. That's a weak behaviour.

 

A strong guy stands up for himself and his loved ones. He can take a joke and is on the same level as his friends. He's not aggressive, he's assertive and very polite about it. I like the kind of guy that when in the middle of video game, he doesn't quit just because he's losing or trashtalk. When someone calls him "gay", he shrugs it off. He doesn't retort but instead takes it strongly. He's the better man in every situation. He takes the moral high ground and does what is right. He picks up other people's trash sometimes rather than complain about all the trash. Even though crowds scare the heck out of him, he sucks it up and gives the speech that he needs to give.

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Thanks everyone for your input, there were so much insight on this which gives me much food for thoughts.

 

What i'm hearing so far "strong man's character" includes (not limited to):

 

Integrity, self-awareness, courage, being able to set healthy boundaries, self-respect & self-love, taking responsibility & accountability, independent, open-mindedness, confidence, have his own values/principles and act in accordance with, loving, kind yet assertive, self-sufficient & self reliant, not compromised by fear, in emotional control, can accept his own vulnerabilities and not afraid to seek help, have patience, determination and strong will, respect others, not taking everything too serious, able to enjoy life and see humor in himself and situations presented to him, high self-esteem, treat people with equality, able to accept multiple reality that can be different to his own...

 

I definitely think all of the above will make a "strong man", these are characters of a mature person, a good person, or a good human being in general...

 

Would it be fair to say that when woman craves for a strong man, they really mean that they want a "mature person", a "good person"?

 

Unfortunately i sometimes see people mis-associate the meaning of "strong person" with characters such as aggression, dominance, arrogance... (all of which demonstrate weakness & are fear based, exact opposite of what a 'strong man' is). these skewed view of 'strength' often leads to the skewed view of associating 'respect, integrity, open to share emotions' to weakness. Eg. if a man was sharing his emotions and/or asking for help, his is weak, if he doesn't 'dominate but embrace diversity' he is weak...

 

It does take some thoughts around this concept to clarify 'how to be a better person' or 'what we quality want to cultivate in ourselves or we seeking in a good partner'... thanks for sharing all your ideas...

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