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  1. #1

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    Jun 2010
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    She says shes not ready for a relationship.. But I LOVE HER :( ???

    There is a lot of details so I will try and mention everything. Thanks for trying to help

    Alright well me and this girl really like each other but the timing is all wrong. I just got out of a 6 year relationship and she just got out of a 4 year relationship. We started hanging out and we click.. I have never clicked with any girl as much as I do with her. but she says shes simply not ready for a relationship yet.. and I believe her. she is telling me the truth.. i can tell shes telling the truth.. but i am ready for a relationship when we hang out.. we click so much, and have so much chemistry, that we hug/make out every time we see eachother. when we go to the bars we kiss/hold hands/i have my arm around her shoulder and her arm is around my waist. anyone who saw us would think were a couple.. but shes simply NOT ready.

    She keeps telling me to go date other people.. and that shes not worth waiting for.. but i tell her simply.. "I cant, I have to wait for you, I have no choice". when i say that she usually is like "you do have a choice!!!" but she doesnt know I LOVE HER. I was with my ex girlfirend for 6 years.. and even at OUR PEAK.. we were 1/1000th of what me and this girl are. This girl blows me away.. I cant even explain what she does to me.. So what i have been telling this girl is that.. "ill wait for you". Because i simply cant move on.. from the second i wake up till the second i go to sleep im thinking about her. So i have been waiting about a week and a half.. and my patience is wearing thin.

    The KEY to getting her is to have patience.. once she realizes shes ready.. we will be unbelievable together.. but I just dont know when that will be?? She has been very busy for the bast few days so we havent seen each other in like 5 days.. and i literally feel pain because of it. Today we were talking and we were both agreeing that , yes we want to date eachother.. its just the timing is wrong. We also agreed that 2 people having the connection we have.. is so unbelievably rare. It seems like everyday we have the same conversation.. we usually argue a little about if we should date or not.


    She doesnt want to put a label on us.. (make us boyfriend and girlfriend) because she feels if we do that.. we will start having sex instantly..(which would happen), and that we would dive into this HUGE serious relationship.. i'm working my but off to try and show her we can take it slow.. I just dont know what to do!! I legit Love this girl. Never in my life have i felt this strongly for someone. But how can i go about this without ruining it? If i pressure her too much.. thats bad.. but if i just hang around and dont pressure her then i think thats bad too? WHAT DO I DO? I think my only choice is to keep waiting. maybe wait for another 1-2 weeks.. and if were not together by then... simply tell her "look either you want to be with me or you dont." ?? how can i win her over? please help! thanks!!

  2. #2
    Gold Member
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    You need to respect what she says... she isn't ready. If you do love her as much as you say you do, you will respect her wishes. Because you do seem a bit selfish here to be honest.

    I understand how frustrating it must be but you need to back off. See her less. I mean, you don't want to ruin what could potentially be a great relationship in the future by seeming obsessive now (i.e. putting the girl off completely). She's aware how you feel, so now you need to leave the ball in her court.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    89
    first thing first.
    how old are both of you?
    how long have both of you been single?

    you are pedestaling this girl .... your constant clingy-ness is driving her away. she is on the rebound( both of you are) and you are trying to fill the void your ex left deep within you with her. its not fair to her. you are not in love ...you are in lust.(infatuated)

    give her space and go meet other girls. you are driving her crazy with all this relationship talk.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    opps double post

  5. #5
    Platinum Member oldenoughtoknow's Avatar
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    I think you know what to do. You do have a choice. After six years, you could be blindly marching into a rebound. Just the superlatives you've used talking about her makes me think that. You need to find a way to back off of her and put her out of your mind. Not completely, but get her off of that pedestal. Lining up another date or two might help. One to two weeks isn't enough time to give her after her 4 year relationship.

    I would start backing off initiating contact and make her miss you a bit. Date other women and maintain your happy life and she won't be SO important to you. She needs some more time to process her breakup - it's the healthy path that you should want to take as well. If this is as real as you seem to think it is, then you don't have to worry that it's going to go away. And whatever you do, don't give her an ultimatum.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    You can't win her over by putting your wishes above hers.

    Look, she's telling you what she wants - what you have right now with no pressure, sex, labels or commitment.

    You do have a choice, you are choosing to keep doing this to yorurself in the hope she will see how hopeless you are and fall head over heels for you and live happily ever after. That is not going to happen.

    You need to start taking care of yourself and that includes keeping contact with her to a minimum.
    By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. - Confucius

    You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too.- Anais Nin

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