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I'm bi, I have a boyfriend, I want to experiment with girls?


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So I've got a bit of a dilemma. My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over 7 months. I love him with everything I've got and we plan to be together for a really long time. It's not just one of those regular shallow "highschool relationships" where they just text and make out but dont really have that deep of a concection. It's definitely real. I don't want to hear any of that "your youg, your 14, you've got your whole life to find someone, don't be tied down." crap. Because I just know this is absolutely real.

 

But, I'm bi, he knows this. I haven't really experimented that much with girls besides a little casual making out. So I don't really know what it's like to be with a girl. Emotionally or physically. Everything about a woman's body just drives me crazy. It's just not the same with guys. We've talked about what to do about this, but we can't figure anyhting out. He's really protective of me so he absolutely refuses to have and open relationship, even if it's just me experimenting a few times. I get that but I don't see what would be so bad about just trying it out. It's absolutely out of the question for us to take any type of "break" because our relationship is so intense, and we don't really do that well not together. And basically we just can't. But I can't make these feelings just go away. And if we're going to be together for a while, I may never get to explore that side of me. Then there will just be this part of me that's never going to really be satisfied. He thinks I shouldn't need to be with girls because were so in love I shouldnt need anyone else. It would be so much easier if he were like most guys and was all up for lesbian stuff. But hes not and thats one of the things I love about him. I have no idea what to do about this. Cheating has crossed my mind a time or two, but I could never do that to him and I couldnt enjoy myself because I'd be feeling horrible about it the whole time.

 

So what do I do????? help?!

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well, if your desire to be with girls is so strong that you can't remain faithful to your boyfriend then I guess the only thing to do is to break up with him and go experiment. You say you CAN'T break up, it's a real relationship etc, but since he doesn't want you to experiment (probably smart of him, most lesbian stuff guys like is pseudo-lesbian anyway and you want to try out the real deal) and yet you can't stand not being with a girl, then you just have to make a decision between him and your desire to experiment.

 

I know you don't want to hear all the long life ahead of you stuff, but chances are 99.99999% that your first boyfriend at age 14 is not the one you will spend the rest of your life with, so either you have to be content thinking that you will try being with a woman afterwards or else you have to accept that your relationship with him cannot continue. Cheating is never a good option in my book.

 

Good luck.

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It's not that I can't remain faithful to him, because I am. He's not my first boyfriend, nor will he be my last, I'm aware that in most cases, kids my age dont end up together forever. I'm not living in some teenage fantasyland.

I couldn't just end it with him, not over this. We've been through worse together... But I deifnately need to at least feel what it's like... But what if I find out im a lesbian. Girls definitely attract me a lot more that guys do physically... It's kind of complicated...

And being unfaithfull isn't an option in my book either. It's just crossed my mind and thats absolutely not happening.

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If I do break up with him... How do I tell if a girl isn't straight? With guys, you can usually tell if they're gay right off the bat. But with girls it's different. I wouldn't even know where to start. I really don't have that many friends that are girls and even if I did and they were lesbian or bi, I don't think they'd be interested in me. And if I left my boyfriend to go experiment with girls, and If just ended up leaving something really great for nothing... I don't know what I would do. Plus I woulddn't even know where to start with flirting....

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Here's how I see it.

 

It doesn't matter if you are bi, gay, or straight, or how old you are, same rules apply to all relationships.

 

(Like many people) he doesn't want an open relationship. (If he was okay with open relationships--some people are--there wouldn't really be an issue).

 

You are curious in experimenting. And you don't want to cheat.

 

So your options are to either not act on your impulses (which is what everyone--no matter if they are bi or straight, young or old--does in a committed, monogamous relationship). In other words people may notice an attractive person, but they choose not act upon it, because they value the person they are with, and what they have.

 

Or you break up with him. (breaking up with him will hurt him, but not as much as it will hurt if you cheat on him).

 

Another way of looking at this:

 

You need to decide if he is worth staying with.

 

Or if learning about yourself is more important. If you really want to explore this part of yourself, then you need to let him go and do that.

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Thank you I just wish it wasn't breaking up with him or experimenting. I wish there were some way we could still be together and I could try it out... But I guess that's not happening. He is worth staying with and I guess in the long run if we end up breaking up, I can figure it out then. And if we don't break up, then it was worth it to stay with him.

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Well telling me I'm too youg to be tied down doesn't help me in the slightest bit. Assuming then that I'm not tying myslef down, and all age comments aside, what should I do about this?

 

I tied myself down at 15 years old. Now I'm 20, seperated a few months ago, and with a 2 year old.

 

That is what can happen when you tie yourself at a young age.

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Well telling me I'm too youg to be tied down doesn't help me in the slightest bit. Assuming then that I'm not tying myslef down, and all age comments aside, what should I do about this?

 

Just a word of advice, if you don't want someone to say something specific in a reply, do not say it in the forum. There's always SOMEONE who will do the opposite just for the sake of it. If you don't want any responses regarding your age at all, there is an option to hide your age

 

Anyway, cheating has already crossed your mind and he's a little too protective;those are red flags. Like Wocka said, if you really feel the "need" to experiment then you need to make a decision. You can break up with him, but keep in mind he will be hurt and upset no matter what you say because he will be the breakee. Breakee's are very emotional right after a breakup. If you do that but want to stay friends with him, don't expect for him to be okay with that right away. You will need a break from him for a few weeks until he calms down. If he really loves you, he will eventually understand and stay friends with you, but he may also try to get you back.

 

If you don't break up with him, you're going to feel "stuck" and confused. You'll be with him, but that desire to experiment will keep getting stronger.

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Thank you I just wish it wasn't breaking up with him or experimenting. I wish there were some way we could still be together and I could try it out... But I guess that's not happening. He is worth staying with and I guess in the long run if we end up breaking up, I can figure it out then. And if we don't break up, then it was worth it to stay with him.

 

You're welcome.

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I tied myself down at 15 years old. Now I'm 20, seperated a few months ago, and with a 2 year old.

 

That is what can happen when you tie yourself at a young age.

 

Just because I'm young doesn't mean I shouldn't at least try and have good relationships, right? I mean, if I spend my whole life not doing things because sometime down the road there may be some negative reprecussions, then I won't really get to live a full life. So while I'm still young, I'm going to take advantage of everything life's granted me and not take love or anything else for granted. Because it's a rare thing at any age I think. If I end up in a not so ideal situation when im older, than I take what I've got and make the best of it. And you love your kid, do you not?

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Anyway, cheating has already crossed your mind and he's a little too protective;those are red flags. Like Wocka said, if you really feel the "need" to experiment then you need to make a decision. .

 

It's not like that at all. He's not ridiculously overprotective or anything. He'd just rather me not hook up with girls. And he's not overprotective in an overbearing sense at all. It's perfeclty understandable that he doesnt want me hooking up with random other people.

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Just because I'm young doesn't mean I shouldn't at least try and have good relationships, right? I mean, if I spend my whole life not doing things because sometime down the road there may be some negative reprecussions, then I won't really get to live a full life. So while I'm still young, I'm going to take advantage of everything life's granted me and not take love or anything else for granted. Because it's a rare thing at any age I think. If I end up in a not so ideal situation when im older, than I take what I've got and make the best of it. And you love your kid, do you not?

 

Yes, I love my son, but that doesn't justify getting to serious at such a young age. I'm not trying to lecture you. Believe me, when I was your age I was lectured so much about it. As a matter of fact, I joined this message board when I was around 15/16 years old and they told me the same exact thing I'm telling you now. If I would of listened, I'd be in college right now earning a degree, but instead, I'm working my *** off with minimum wage.

 

When you're young, your not as rational as you'd be if you were an adult. Believe me... Doesn't hurt to date at your age, but don't get to serious. And for your sake, use protection

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When you're young, your not as rational as you'd be if you were an adult. Believe me... Doesn't hurt to date at your age, but don't get to serious. And for your sake, use protection

 

Im on the pill, but I'm not planning on having sex any time in the near future. So that's not really the problem. But thanks, Ill try to keep my options open and not get so loopy in love that I get oblivious of reality.

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If I do break up with him... How do I tell if a girl isn't straight? With guys, you can usually tell if they're gay right off the bat. But with girls it's different. I wouldn't even know where to start. I really don't have that many friends that are girls and even if I did and they were lesbian or bi, I don't think they'd be interested in me. And if I left my boyfriend to go experiment with girls, and If just ended up leaving something really great for nothing... I don't know what I would do. Plus I woulddn't even know where to start with flirting....

 

There's a risk in every relationship and never a guarantee that it'll work out.

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i know exactly how you feel. i'm in the same boat with a 2 year relationship. unfortunately, if you care about him the way you say you do, you have to almost "block out" everything and everyone else. if he sees you drifting too far away from him, he'll be the one to end it with you, which will break your heart. it sucks SO MUCH and it's one of the hardest things to do, trust me. but if you wanna be with him. this is what has to be done. =( i hope this kinda helped.

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