The Shy / Independent / Attractive Type

Sorry this is so long. I've emboldened all the highlights, so you can read just those if you'd like.

There's a particular type of girl out there, that I find so utterly captivating. The type of girl who is really shy and independent. The type that with only a little effort could probably get any guy, but instead chooses to dress modestly and wear little-to-no makeup. The type that says so much by saying so little.

I could go into great depth as to why I'm so attracted to this type of girl, but I'll spare you the novella. Instead, I'd like to discuss the real implications of dating -- or at least trying to date -- this kind of girl.

First of all, do girls like this exist? I'm inclined to think so, based on one of my own experiences, and considering one of my best female friends. And, when I reflect upon myself, I'd say guys like this probably exist, too, although I don't exactly match this description. But, am I chasing after real women, or after a dream that I've mostly fashioned? How rare or difficult to find are women like this?

I believe I've encountered a small number of women like this, but I've always been rejected. I have a lot going for me, and I've dated some very attractive, popular and altogether desirable women, so I don't think I'm reaching out of my league or anything. I think these shy, independent type are probably the most difficult to get to know -- but what do you think?

On one hand, when a girl like this rejects me, it could be the shy side of her, meaning we simply need to get to know each other better. On the other hand, it could be the independent side of her, naturally pushing others away. But often, it seems like women act shy and independent because they're already in a relationship. (And I've seen it before, where I thought a girl was this shy, independent type while she was in a relationship, but as soon as she was single, she started acting really needy around me.)

What do you think the best way is, to go about getting to know women like this?

The approach I've always taken is one of polite patience and persistence. I usually take months to slowly get to know a girl, before I casually ask her out, and take things slowly from there. This pace feels pretty natural to me, although it doesn't seem to work with most other women.

So, last question: Should I continue searching for girls like this, or should I try to align myself a bit more with the average? In other words, am I wasting time, or going against all odds, searching for a girl like this?

Just to be clear, I'm not looking for a submissive type of woman at all. Rather, I like this type of women because they seem very intelligent, and seem to be nearly the opposite of needy. I believe I have gotten to know two of them, and at a certain point they seem to start to open up. It feels so special to be so trusted by them. (Is it selfish, to want to feel special?)

I can certainly answer the few questions you've asked.

Firstly, the shy/independent woman knows exactly what she wants and will not intentionally give a guy false hope.

She can easily weed out the good guys from the bad guys.

Are they easy to get to know? Well, that depends on your approach... Try and find out what her interests are and talk her about them. And yes, it does take time to get to know them, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

Anyway, that is what I've been told - I'm one of them

I know plenty of girls like this and I think I fall into this category too. Honestly it comes down to maturity. I get approached by so many men who still act like party animals or are game-players. Girls like us see through guys like that in an instant, and we don't respect them.

We are looking for men like us: Mature, secure, happy with themselves, know what they want, have many varied interests and a love for learning, respectful. We appreciate a man that is patient. Very important, that. Girls like us don't rush into things. We like to take our time and think and feel. Many guys give up on us because they are too impatient, that is how we weed them out, the guys that stick around win

If I know a guy likes me and I am not interested in him I will not open up to him, out of respect, I will not be friends with him either so as not to lead him on. Guys I do like (that are outgoing) I find easier to open up to. Shy guys I find I never get to know and nothing ever happens because we were both to scared to open-up/make a move.

If you want to win these girls, take a slow and patient approach, be outgoing and talk to her about something unique, keep the flirting to a minimum at first, cause that can scare us away, and be PATIENT. Good thing come to those who wait

Looks aside, I fall into the category of shy/independent.

It's not commonplace. But girls like this DO exist. I don't think you'd have TOO much difficulty finding a girl of this type.

Yes, we can be difficult to get close to--we have a natural tendency to push others aside.

Should you continue seeking out this type of girl? Yes, and no. Keep your eyes peeled, but don't narrow your focus too much. You might miss out on other potentially amazing women...for instance, you might stumble accross someone who's NOT shy, but has that coveted independent streak

Thank you so much for the replies! I do feel that I fit the different criteria you three have either mentioned or implied. I've dated different types of women, but this is the type that my heart points me towards.

personally, i find most Western women (and men) outgoing, chatty and pretty much the opposite of what you're looking for. you can find many of these types of women in Asia. trust me, i'm not stereotyping Asians, it's just a cultural difference. fly to countries like China and South Korea to see for yourself... once you get past the language barrier, that is. hehe. best of luck!

personally, i find most Western women (and men) outgoing, chatty and pretty much the opposite of what you're looking for. you can find many of these types of women in Asia. trust me, i'm not stereotyping Asians, it's just a cultural difference. fly to countries like China and South Korea to see for yourself... once you get past the language barrier, that is. hehe. best of luck!

So damn true.

I think you shouldn't be so slow. Maybe this is where you lose out. I am shy and independent (although wear lots of make-up!). I hate if I like a guuy but I don't get any signs from him. How are we supposed to know if you like us? You need to give some signs so she has an idea. Ok, you don't need to ask her out on a date right away, but just let her know that you might be interested in some way. If guys don't let me know then I generally assume they are not interested - and if I am interested in them but get no signs then I eventually give up hoping and try to forget about them. So don't be too slow as you will then miss out.

I'm one of these girls too. I wear make-up, but not tons. I dress so that I'm not hanging out all over the place, but I'm not frumpy either. I'm pretty quiet, an observer more than a conversationalist, but I know how to have fun too. I'm independent, own my own house, do my own things. I agree that maybe you take too long. The girls might not think you're interested in anything but being friendly. For me, a guy can turn me off very fast. If he's too forward too fast, if he thinks he's all that and acts like it, and if he gets into my personal space too fast or if I think he's not interested, I will dismiss it and just be friendly back. I need to first feel comfortable, which can be an immediate thing or it's something that takes a few interactions. If I'm not comfortable, any potential move made on me will push me into being more uncomfortable. After that, forget it. Any guy who can only keep mentioning how good I look throughout the night gets nowhere with me. If you want to compliment, do it once and leave it at that...don't overkill. All that tells me is you're only interested in getting to know me in one way. Look in my eyes when we're talking (or if you're shy at least look at my face if you're too nervous to look in my eyes). Actually listen to what I'm saying (that is impressive). If you sense I'm not comfortable with something, don't try and push me. If I say I don't want a drink, don't go ahead and order me one anyways. A lot of it has to do with being respectful....respect can get you a long way.

I would like to know what makes you attracted to this type of woman in particular.

I am shy..especially with men. I don't talk a lot at work, unless i have gotten to know you well. I am not part of the gossip mill either..i choose to stay away. I am independent in the sense i own my own condo, pay my own bills enjoy my hobbies and interests; cooking, decorating, gardening, etc.

I also don't cake on the makeup and even though i am very curvy in all the right areas..i don't flaunt it. I work at a school so yes i have to cover up

These women do exist here..i am Italian (family from Italy) but raised in America and my parents wanted me to be independent but at the same time i have the value system and probably ''stereotypical'' attitude of an Italian housewife. I love to be home..thats my refuge from the world..lol..and cooking, cleaning, taking care of things, etc. is what i do best..i also love kids, i work with them.

These women do exist. I guess the question is why do you need (prefer) someone like this? Are you turned off by women who don't follow the ''woman role'' in a relationship..or do you prefer that?

I am extremely shy and independent. Most guys were just too cocky or thought "they knew me" and it was too much. My advice would be to be yourself because if you are not she'll see through it. Just be her friend and let her get to know you and open up. it took my fiance a year as my friend before I really opened up. Good luck to you