So what's the point? No women wants me.
What's the point of trying to find a girlfriend? No woman wants me. I am considered boring, not-attractive, broke. Basically I have nothing to offer to women.
And please spare me with the "you'll find somebody" crap, there is no women out there for me, period. I'm especially directing it at your women out there who loves saying that..
And don't tell me to go to the gym. I tried it and I don't like it.
And don't tell me to get confidence without telling me how to.
And don't tell me everything will be fine, because it isn't.
And don't tell me to be positive, because it hasn't helped.
You've answered all the questions yourself. You don't want to have success.
Forget about women for a second. Who do you want to be? In what ways are you not meeting your own standards?
Look for the good in yourself and others, it will change your life.
If you even want to have a good girlfriend, you'll definitely never get one with this point of view and attitude. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that. It's very unattractive.
You're right. With how you think, what is the point?
With your attitude, you definitely won't string in any ladies. Insecurity is a horrible trait.
How you think, and your negative attitude is your choice. We all make choices. Yours is to be miserable, negative,. No-one can come on here and tell you what to do.
My best friend feels the same way. She sits alone in her apartment, ordering pizza after pizza, eating herself into obesity, feeling sorry for her self. "I'll never meet a guy". Yeah, she's right. She won't.
Oh my God, wait and see
What will soon become of me
This frozen heart
And screaming wheels
Does that screaming come from me?
I'm so damn lucky
That you went on ahead...
With your attitude would you want yourself? You have to understand women can sense that. Negativity breeds negativity my friend.
Sabrina don't stare at it, eat it!- Patrick Bateman
Sven86, I do know where you're coming from. And I could say I was like cazmoore's friend for several years, and sometimes slip back into that behavior. But you know what? It took a while, but I decided I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself anymore and would empower myself instead, and that was a start. For the first time it clicked in my brain, I'm responsible for myself. The decision that I had to start being responsible for myself is what got me going. I'm nowhere where I want to be yet, but that's ok, I'm moving instead of forever standing still.
I'm sorry that you are suffering. The most important thing is to not give up or become jaded. People who become jaded about relationships will never learn from their habits with relating to themselves , and their perception of relationships.
Originally Posted by sven86
If you want something to offer , you have to actually live. The more that excites you in life - women aside - the more you will have to offer towards friendships , relationships , partnerships , what have you. If , for some reason , you feel your life has become mundane , it's your responsibility to replenish it. No one will do it for you , unfortunately. It is part of growing up , emotionally and spiritually.
So , gyms don't get you hyped. Don't put yourself into a controlled fitness environment if fitness is not important to you. In fact , don't try to meet women in places that aren't important to you. Don't go to bookstores if you don't like reading , because most people who browse through books at bookstores actually enjoy reading and probably enjoy meeting people who share that interest.
You know what you have to do in order to be happy. Looks and image are not everything. A negative attitude is an extremely unattractive characteristic to radiate , an can make a physically attractive person unattractive. Yet , it can make a physically unattractive person attractive. If physical attraction is an issue for you , change some things about yourself in order to feel better. Try a different hairstyle , perhaps. Get some new clothes. Break out of the same old same old routine and establish new habits.
There's not much that anyone can help you with if you live with a defeatist mentality. Rejection is a fact of life. You will be rejected far more times than you will be accepted. Without that acceptance of that reality , your spirits will be sabotaged and you will close yourself off from the world. Always , always return to your own sense of independence. Not just for your own sake , but for the sake of anyone who might walk into relationship territory with you.
If it is shyness that is hindering you from participating to the degree that you desire , then you have to practice being social. Don't take huge strides. Take baby steps. If you go out to eat or get coffee every now and then , invite a friend along so you can socialize. If you are at a store or any public place , say "Hey , how are you doing?" with a smile to an employee. It's unrealistic to break out and exhibit unshy behavior in a short amount of time. Becoming less shy is the process of understanding your strengths and weaknesses , practicing being social , and accepting rejection for what it is. Don't be passive. Speak clearly and assertively. Smile. Shyness is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone is shy to some extent , but in order to grow as a person , fears must be arm-wrestled. Sometimes are the weak hand , sometimes you are the strong hand. But if you keep at it , you will build muscle and eventually have dominance over the demons of your mind that interfere with proactively and effortlessly being you.
When you are single , you have all these opportunities to nourish and grow as an individual , so that when you do enter a relationship , you come from a place of strength. It's the time to step up. When you are in a relationship , you don't live entirely in your own head. You have someone else to consider. Better capitalize on your opportunities the world gives to you sooner rather than later , expecting something grand to happen later on , next month , next year , what have you.
Last edited by easyguy; 09-05-2010 at 10:58 PM.
"Where there is no love, pour love in, and you will draw love out."
-St. John of the Cross
Ok Sven, you hit the nail right on the head.
Originally Posted by sven86
RIGHT NOW you have nothing to offer women. They want money, security, confidence, good looking, hot, slightly bad-boy, a future and so on. So let's not lie you have nothing to offer, RIGHT NOW.
"you'll find someone" is crap. Not everyone does, let's be real.
You hate sports, got it.
I won't tell you to have confidence because you can't fake it.
Same is true of happiness, if you are happy you are happy and right now you are NOT happy so don't try to be.
You can't be positive when you don't see anything positive in your life. You can't have hope when there is nothing to have hope in. You can't be happy if there is no joy in your life.
BUT YOU ARE HERE!
YOU WANT HELP. YOU HAVE NOT GIVEN UP, YOU HAVE CRIED OUT FOR HELP.
Ok, right now you have nothing they want, but who are you? How are you good? Build on that. OK you are not an athlete, if you are a chess or gamer guy, get into the circles where those are positive traits. The key to success is living in the environment where you thrive. There is a reason fish live in water. Go where you fit in.
I am where you are now man. I am bloody miserable. Look at my name, it is the same as your thread. Difference I KNOW I am in the wrong place so I am depressed. You don't apparently know that. So go where your personal strengths lay and build your confidence on that which you do well. There ARE people out there who share your intrests. Meet them. Talk to them and maybe they can introduce you to other people. NOW we are changing your view and attitude and boom! Now there is a reason for hope.
You have not given up because you are here calling for help.
I hope my advice helps.
I think the majority of your post was wonderful but I'd like to say something about the quoted statements.
Originally Posted by What'sthepoint
To the OP, it is in fact possible to fake confidence. If that is the ONLY thing you can do to build it, it WORKS. Trust me, because I've been doing it for quite some time, and I'm nowhere as self-conscious as I was before. Faking it will slowly turn into reality because your brain starts to catch up with it and soon enough, real confidence begins to surface.
About the being happy thing, it's actually quite simple to be. We all have problems, I'm sure you know that. But there's ALWAYS something positive in life (unless you're starving to death, which you're not). And it's as simple as DECIDING to be happy. Changing your perspective works like a charm. I used to be VERY negative, but I picked up on it because I started noticing people's reactions to it. How did I change? Simply decided to be positive and see everything differently. It's not hard, you have to believe it.
Now onto the real problem, if you work on yourself first, on shaping yourself into a well-rounded person, things like "no woman wants me" start to not even matter anymore. Instead of thinking "aw man, I'm so miserable because no one wants me", think "I'm happy because I don't NEED anyone". That can be achieved! And I believe you can do it! But you've got to believe in yourself first. And then you'll see who all the women will flock to.
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