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What if your ex slept with someone else soon after the break up


PaleSeptember

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We broke up a week and a half ago, and I've been doing better in the last few days. However, this morning I've woken up worried he'll sleep with someone else. I know, it's nothing I can control and he's my ex now, but I feel if he were to sleep with someone else within such a short period of time after a break up, that I wouldn't be able to reconcile with him even if he wanted to. What about you guys? What if they went sleeping with someone within a month or two afterward, or even less? What period of time would be "acceptable" for you, if at all? Or does time not matter to you because you are broken up?

 

Another question, would you even ask them if they've slept with someone since being apart?

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I tend to think that if someone breaks up with me it is with the intention of never being with me again. Now, if they have a tendency to want to break up/get back together, then I would suspect they broke up in order to sleep around and I would not want them back. But if they broke up with the intention of staying broken up, I wouldn't really ask them what they did while we were apart.

 

The reconciliations that I have seen work tend to be after a long time apart and they don't really ask about what the other person had been doing in the inbetween time.

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We broke up a week and a half ago, and I've been doing better in the last few days. However, this morning I've woken up worried he'll sleep with someone else. I know, it's nothing I can control and he's my ex now, but I feel if he were to sleep with someone else within such a short period of time after a break up, that I wouldn't be able to reconcile with him even if he wanted to. What about you guys? What if they went sleeping with someone within a month or two afterward, or even less? What period of time would be "acceptable" for you, if at all? Or does time not matter to you because you are broken up?

 

Another question, would you even ask them if they've slept with someone since being apart?

 

Well if it happened it happened. Like you said, there is nothing that you can do. And honestly, dont do nothing because it adds to the aggony. Dont think about it, dont ask about it.

 

My experience is that my ex broke up with me and it only took her 3 days to have a new guy in the sack. When I found out (the very next day) I was hurt, very hurt. (we were together 5 years).

 

Anyway, it has been 4 months now...my ex is still seeing/dating/sleeping (i dont know 100%) with this guy. However, it is basically a rebound because she is having trust issues with this dude but she is still saying that things are great. She is running away from the hurt/truth/anger. At the end of the day, I feel that she will be the one who will be worse off.

 

If you love this guy, let it be. He will come back on his terms and if that happens, when he is ready. The saying goes something like this:

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it is yours to keep. If not, it was never ment to be".

 

But dont think about that because it causes sleepless night and stressful days ahead. I wish I never found out but I did.

 

Good luck!

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The reconciliations that I have seen work tend to be after a long time apart and they don't really ask about what the other person had been doing in the inbetween time.

 

What's a long time?

 

Perhaps I feel there wouldn't be a chance for reconciliation if that happened because I would just hurt to know about it, it's purely emotional.

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It's really best to try to never find this kind of stuff out, and just go NC from the start and try to get over them and live your life.

 

A lot of people will keep you on because they don't want to be alone until they find a replacement for you and then they'll make the switch. My ex dumped me (lived with her over a year), 2 weeks later I tried but she didn't want to reconcile, then a week later I found out that she was already seeing some other guy, more than likely before I even tried to reconcile. Getting dumped in most cases is an extreme betrayal of trust, and learning stuff like that just makes you die inside because you still love them and it feels like they're cheating or something. It didn't hurt as much when I got dumped, or even when I found out that she didn't want to get back together, as it did finding out she had apparently moved on after all the intimate moments of our lives we shared etc. That was a month ago, and now I'm just starting to feel back on my feet, and actually back to how I felt right after she dumped me originally. If I had maintained NC through it all, I'd probably feel a hell of a lot better now not knowing any of that stuff.

 

What the future holds, I don't know. I feel it'd be really hard for me to accept what she did, not just moving on so quickly and sleeping with another guy etc, but betraying me by dumping me abruptly. You have to remember, it is them, yourself, and the relationsihp. She killed the relationship and tried to kill me. Another aspect is just where I'm at in life. I'm unemployed now, but going to school. In a year I'll have a career job. Would I take her back considering she just jumped ship on the difficult poor part of my life and now she'll be trying to get back on when I'm successful?

 

I don't know if I'll contact her now for years. When I'm at a point where I can stand back, and not feel vindictive or sad or get emotional, or even care, then I'll know I'm ready to contact her. That'll probably be at least a year for the emotions, and maybe longer to stop caring completely (such as having expectation or anticipation to her reply) and to stop feeling vindictive.

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What's a long time?

 

Perhaps I feel there wouldn't be a chance for reconciliation if that happened because I would just hurt to know about it, it's purely emotional.

 

8 months. A year. Three years.

 

Well, if you can't accept it, then it won't work and you will have to move on. Easier said than done I know.

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We broke up a week and a half ago, and I've been doing better in the last few days. However, this morning I've woken up worried he'll sleep with someone else. I know, it's nothing I can control and he's my ex now, but I feel if he were to sleep with someone else within such a short period of time after a break up, that I wouldn't be able to reconcile with him even if he wanted to. What about you guys? What if they went sleeping with someone within a month or two afterward, or even less? What period of time would be "acceptable" for you, if at all? Or does time not matter to you because you are broken up?

 

Another question, would you even ask them if they've slept with someone since being apart?

 

The break up is still fresh and you are still hopeful for reconciliation...so it is natural to feel the way you do. You can't control what he may or may not do and agonizing over it won't help you heal. You need to assume that this is over for good and that it doesn't matter who he sleeps with now because he will never ever again have the privilege of getting intimate with you. Think of yourself as the prize and that you will now give to someone more worthy than him. He is gone and whoever he sleeps with doesn't matter anymore because you are going to move on to better things.

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My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. We were talking on and off, and I went down to visit her about 3 weeks after the break up. In that time, she had managed to sleep with one guy, and was in the process of sleeping with another guy when I walked in on it(she knew I was coming).

 

3 months later, I took her back. Very stupid.

 

I was able to forgive her, but that's because I was an idiot. I would never recommend you take your ex back short term after sleeping with someone else. Maybe long term, but not short term.

 

In the end, it's up to you

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I can completely understand why the OP has these worries about the ex sleeping with someone else........I've recently split and thoughts of that hurt me too.

 

But what I've always wondered is how does the next lover after you make it any different to those before you originally?

 

I mean, a partner will have slept with others before meeting you, they will have already had intimate moments with others before you anyway?

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my best friend who reconciled with her ex after being broken up for 4 or 5 months about 2 year ago (theyre still together) had slept with another guy. her boyfriend had also slept with a few different people at the time. neither of them told each other who, and they didnt want to know how many people or who they are. she still doestn know and doesnt want to know. she feels that they were broken up and therefore there is nothing wrong with doing that..i think its one of those things you would rather not know, or else it may cause further issues in the relationship..

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Well, we actually had dinner a couple of days ago at my invite. We ended up spending several hours together. Anyway, during a topic I brought up, he said maybe I don't want to hear this, but he went to a party and a couple of girls were trying to get with him, and there was a hot tub full of people...you get the picture. He didn't do anything. He said that night has made him realize that he's not the type for hooking up like that (he's only been with two people, me and the ex before me). He said, yes, it's sex, but he misses sex with me, loved having sex with me. He told me he thinks this break up is affecting him more than he thought it would. I can say he won't try to sleep with me while we are broken up, and I wouldn't let him anyway (although the urge is there on both sides). I wonder, if I posted this topic originally because after hearing that, my brain thinks if he does sleep with someone else, that = he's over me. I know rationally I shouldn't think like that.

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youre right, that thought is irrational.

 

you need to try your best to not think these thoughts. i know its super tough, trust me i went through it and still am but all it does is lead to paranoia and overanalyzation, which will just cause stress and anxiety and assuming things that are most likely not true anyway! its funny how the brain works.

 

i would suggest, especially after you mentioned what he said about the breakup, to not have any contact with him. you guys need some space and to clear your heads. dont make the breakup any easier for him by being a cushion for him to fall on. good luck

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My ex and I broke up almost 2 months ago. I found out through mutual friends that he was sleeping with his other ex again the same week we broke up and honestly I didn't care at all...I figured if that's what he needs to do and get it out of his system then he needs to just go for it. If you find out they're sleeping with other people don't allow it to affect you, it's not your concern anymore, if they want to rebound in a fast way it's their problem not yours.

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We broke up a week and a half ago, and I've been doing better in the last few days. However, this morning I've woken up worried he'll sleep with someone else. I know, it's nothing I can control and he's my ex now, but I feel if he were to sleep with someone else within such a short period of time after a break up, that I wouldn't be able to reconcile with him even if he wanted to. What about you guys? What if they went sleeping with someone within a month or two afterward, or even less? What period of time would be "acceptable" for you, if at all? Or does time not matter to you because you are broken up?

 

Another question, would you even ask them if they've slept with someone since being apart?

 

My ex I think slept with her rebound much before had even told me that she had started seeing him. So now what do you have to say? She gave me all sorts of reasons to break up but never told me that she was seeing someone else... I kept asking her that i was unable to digest her reasons for the break up, wanted to meet her once, kept begging, pleading, requesting. At times she used to say yes and cancel it... finally one day she told me this on the phone when she got her dad in between telling him that I was bothering her. She and I worked together... It was only when I asked her dad to meet me, she got scared and told me the truth.

 

Well if you love someone, them sleeping with other should really not be an issue as long as they have realized their mistakes and commit themselves to not hurting the man/woman taking them back again. It's just a mind thing... I kept visualising my ex having sex with another man which disturbed me NO END. It's a phase... we need to stop hurting us more thinking about it. Now having said that... An individual really need to be evolved to actually do what I have mentioned above. Yes I would forgive my ex. even now... but will she ever promise her integrity to me? Will she ever come back? Yes and No...

 

Yes only if she falls badly in this relationship... NO if her rebound proves to be a great guy... My case only money became the problem as i was not doing well... and our going out for partying had stopped... And she is a woman who loved to go to places...drink... enjoy life in general. This very basic of her desires were not met by me... she wasn't ready to fight it out with me through the tough times (I did for her). Instead... she choose to go with a guy who must be able to provide her with entertainment.... and also those emotional crutch... you know after a few drinks, the world become hazy... he must have tried to charm her and she obviously choose to succumb to it... Such is life. Don't stress yourself thinking about it... Just look forward and do well for yourself.

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