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I’m in love with my best friend, but we’re both girls


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Hello, i started to get feelings for my best friend, we respect and trust each other, so i don’t know what to do.

 

Here is my story:

 

We met, almost a year ago, on school. We have the same hobby’s (drawing manga, watching anime, reading manga), so it was pretty easy for us to become friends. We talked about a lot of stuff and did things together and soon we became best friends. She said that i was special, because i could understand her so good, i respected her and i always made her laugh. She isn’t really a person who’s searching for social contact and most of the times she looks very angry (while she isn’t ).

 

So this year, end February, i began to fall for her (i already knew i was bi-sexual). I don’t know why, but i was just so happy when she hugged me (we hug each other very often, when we say goodbye or when there is something bothering her, but she can’t say it loud). My mom found out very early i was in love with her and one day she was talking with me she said i may not only be friends with her and i need to search for other good friends to, i said that i had other friends to but she was my best friend and i started to cry (i’m a very emotional girl), my mom asked what was wrong and i didn’t answer, then she said: “i will tell you what’s wrong, you‘re in love with her. Am i right?”. I nod and cried even more, my mom hugged me and said it was okay. After that we talked for hours.

 

We mail pretty much and when we can’t see each other a lot she says she misses me. And sometimes when we’re alone she says she wants to hug me to dead or she says i’m cute, it makes me so happy. One time she came to sleep over and we stayed up late, she just jumped on the bed and said she was tired, then i tickled her, she laughed very hard and said: “What would i do without you?”. Then one day she came over to my house, we eat together with my family and after the meal i going to the bathroom, so everything went well that day and at evening she went home, when she was gone my mom talked to me, she said that when i was to the toilet my friend said that i changed her life (in a positive way) i don’t know why but that made me feel warm inside.

 

So, at the end of the first grade there where exams, we both did our best already, but now the last exam. We both wanted it to be as good as all the others so we putted our lucky glove on. We both have one, she has the right one, i have the left one. And so all the girls of my class asked where i got it and why i only had one, they were not mean or something. Then i go outside because we always have a pause between the exams, i meet up with my friend, (we aren’t in the same class, but next year we will be) we talk a little and then a whole group of kids from our grade came standing around us and they keep asking why we have those gloves on, but they where mean they did bully my best friend in the past and they were probably trying to do that again. My best friend gets angry, says nothing and walks away, they did follow her, but then i walk next to her, those stupid kids where still asking a lot of things, so i began answering there questions and meanwhile i go slower so she could get away. She walks further and i stop, still answering there stupid questions. I did that for a while, totally surrounded by all those kids. Until i feel a hand on my shoulder, i turn around and i see it’s her. I tell her she can go and i will take care of those kids, she takes my hand and says that she won’t leave me. Suddenly everyone is quiet until one girl rude asks if where lesbians, we both hush , than that girl says: “kiss each other.” At first i was shocked, but then i said to that girl: “Why don’t you kiss Olivier? (a boy who did also bully us, which name i know and who was standing right in front of me)” That girl shut her mouth, but then Olivier says: “not so brutal, girl!” and he punch me (not that hard and besides i’m on karate). Luckily the bell ringed after he said that. That evening she told me that she thought that i was cool because i stayed so calm.

 

Then, last week we went on a holiday together with my grandparents. They have a caravan abroad. But a couple of years ago i went there with my cousin and sometimes i tickled her, because i thought that was funny, and my grandmother said, when i didn’t know, that we were like lesbians. C’mon we were just 11 years old and i don’t hug her or something like that , only tickling. So i told that to my best friend, and we agreed that we won’t have physical contact. Sometimes that was pretty hard, but at evening we were always going outside without my grandparents and we slept in the same bed. In the caravan there are only 2 bedrooms, one for my grandparents and 1 for us. So the first night she slept at the side of the window, we talked a while and then we got to sleep. I didn’t want her to think that i’m to close, so i slept pretty far away from her. Then the second night she said that she didn’t sleep well, so i said that i would sleep at the window side. So we lay in bed, we talk a little and then we go sleeping, she takes her pillow and lays it next to mine, i was pretty nervous, but it felt good to know that she was so close. Then in the morning (very early) i wake up and i see her sitting up in the bed, i ask if there’s something wrong, she said that she can’t sleep but she would watch over me, until i waked up she did really stay by my side. The last night we were very tired so we didn’t talk much, so we say goodnight and she lays her head on my shoulder and i lye my head on her head. It just feels so good when she does such things, but this was the first time that she was so close and i loved it. That night when she turned she did always look if i had enough blanket (it was just for one person) and most of times she covered me again. So every evening we went on a walk together, outside there is beautiful nature, it’s next to the sea and it’s always very quiet and peaceful there, so we had enough time for each other. And so, the first evening it was raining and we did already made a walk and we were tired but, the second evening we watched the sunset while sitting next to each other on the grass. At first we just sat next to each other but then she came closer and laid her head on my shoulder (she does that often when she has a headache or if she’s tired or just because, i do that to), but this time it wasn’t because her head hurts or she was tired, she just laughed and said that it was beautiful. The sky turned dark red, the color of love she said. Then when we were walking the next day she said that she was cold and then she hooked her arm in mine, i said that we could also hold hands because her hands where the coldest, she said yes and held my hand, she said that my hands are always warm (that’s kinda true). Then, that night we were watching the stars while lying in the grass, i had her coat under my head and she was lying on my arm. They said it was the perfect night to see shooting stars and so we saw 4 shooting stars and the most beautiful stars we’ve ever seen. The first shooting star was a little one and we could not see it totally because it was on our left side, i said that i was happy that i’d see a shooting star for the first time in my life, but i wanted to see one very clear right in front of my eyes. And so 2minutes later we were talking and suddenly right in front of our eyes a very clear shooting star, one moment everything was quiet and then she began to cry (she cries very easily when there happens something nice), i was also shocked and a little scared, so i just hugged her. The day after that (our last day) it was rainy, but we went on a walk at the beach, it was very nice and sometimes she just hugged me, it was the best vacation of my life.

 

Sometimes i want to tell her, but i hold back because i’m scared that if i tell her she could become scared from me. One day i asked her what she thought about a GirlxGirl relationship and she said that it was the choice of the ones to love each other and that she thought that there wasn’t anything wrong with loving someone for who they are. I didn’t tell her that i’m bi yet. One day she said that i was the best thing that happened in her life because she was an ‘accident’, her mom got pregnant at 16 years and the boy ran away, so she never knew her father, and also is her family very cold towards her, then she got bullied, never had real friends and there was no one who could understand her, until she met me.

 

I could tell a lot more, but that would be to long (isn’t it already too long, sorry about that) . I hope that some of you could give some advice or tell me if you think she loves me to or not. I’m very confused at the moment and i don’t know what to do (tell her or not).

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Thanks for responding. This afternoon i will see her again, we're going for a walk in the woods, unfortunately together with my parents and brother. I don't know if i can tell her, but maybe i'll give her a hint. I will tell if there has happened something! Please support me.

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That is a very sweet relationship you have there.

You seem very close, and it looks like you are really important to her, so I think whatever you might tell her, that you are bi or that you like her, she won't reject you.

She seems sensitive, and she has difficulties dealing with emotional situations, so maybe it will take her time to deal with it or to communicate with you about how she feels. Don't stress too much about it. But if you trust each other everything should be all right

Take your time, chose the right time.

I wish you the best of luck !

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Thanks for your reply's they really made me happy!

So, yesterday we went for a walk in the woods, it was very nice. While my family was drinking something we went walking alone, we talked about a lot and looked at the clouds for a while. We also sat on a bench under a weeping willow (tree), next to the water. She said that it was a romantical place. After that we played on a playground (no, we're no kids, but maybe we're crazy) it was fun to do that again.

Sometimes i want to hug her or take her hand, but i am scared that she wil think that i'm too close or that she will notice something, what do you think? I really don't know

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You can try to take small steps, and maybe taking it just a little bit further each time.

Holding her hand could be a first step. If you don't feel confortable with it maybe take an even smaller step.

I feel sometimes it easier to show your affection than to spell it with words.

Maybe you can also mention randomly something about homosexuality or gay people you have heard of in a conversation. Like that you can see how she reacts to the topic, and also make her understand you are very open on the topic.

I hope this is helpful!

Good luck!

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Thanks pappp,

i will try to do that, your advice really helps me.

And i think your completely right that it's sometimes easier to show your affection than to spell it in words.

We did already talk about homosexuality, because my favorite band is t.A.T.u, they were also a lesbian couple, but they broke up because a lot of things happened. She also likes the music from t.A.T.u and she doesn't mind that they're lesbians. Tomorrow we might go cycling together, i hope so .

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i think your completely right that it's sometimes easier to show your affection than to spell it in words.

 

I wouldn't recommend making a move without spelling it out in words.

If she rejects you, better it happen from you telling her how you feel, than from you making a move on her that she doesn't appreciate.

 

It all sounds very sweet and romantic, but isn't this what a lot of young straight girls do? get all emotionally close with other straight girls?

 

I don't know how old you two are, but I remember when I was younger, these really tight super close friendships between girls were very common up to the age of around 16. None of these girls turned out to be Lesbians.

 

Actually, I think it's because these girls are straight that they're able to get so close. Because it's not so scary.

 

I think in situations where a girl who is presumed to be straight falls for a female friend, she has to choose between the friendship, and truth. If you want to be out, and out to her, then you may lose her as a close friend. If you value having her in your life more than you value your freedom to live honestly about who you are, then you might choose to refrain from telling her how you feel.

 

there are a lot of threads on this forum about people falling for their close friends who don't know they're Bisexual or Gay/Lesbian.

 

Often the most common (and best) advice is that they come out to their friend first, before revealing their feelings to that friend. And to put an emphasis on your attraction to other girls, so that she doesn't feel like she's the target of your same sex attractions.

 

With you, though, I think it will be harder to come out to her without her figuring out that you have feelings for her, because you two are so close and affectionate with each other.

 

I think if you're going to tell her how you feel, you need to prepare for the possibility that she wont' return your feelings. Be ready. Decide if you think you could still be friends if she didn't return your feelings? Could you handle her being a bit uncomfortable about it? Would you be emotionally strong and resilient enough to allow a bit of distance between the two of you for a while, and then to reconstruct a friendship, a new kind of friendship, perhaps one which is less emotionally intense?

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I agree with Lucy on this one. Though this is a huge generalization, because women tend to be more emotional, they also form very close emotional bonds with other women, especially around your age when you're not dating men yet. And when you have a very close bond with someone, it is natural to want to express it physically.

 

So she may be straight, or bi, or even lesbian, who knows? The best thing to do would be to tell her you're bisexual, and see what happens from there.

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Thanks chocolatemilk, Lucy___lou and greywolf for your reply's.

chocolatemilk, your reply made me laugh (in a good way) because my best friend calls me idiot too sometimes, i'm too sweet she says. I really don't know if she likes me and maybe kissing goes alittle too far. Lucy__lou you're right, there are much girls on my school who act very close, they kiss each other on the cheek, hug each other, but, i don't know, the bond i and my best friend have looks so much closer, it looks like the other girls are playing a game or someting. I don't know how i can tell her i'm bi without she notice that i like her, she just know's me so good. When i tell her and she doesn't feel the same i will accept that and hope she still wants to be friends, of course it will be hard for me butt i will try to forget my feelings. I have a problem, kinda, always when i'm with her i act alittle sad, even if i don't want to, she notice right away and asks me a hundred times whats wrong, well to tell what's wrong: i love her, that's all, i want to say that, but i'm scared i'm just so stupid. So, yesterday we went cycling togheter with her parents. It was fun, we laughed alot Afther cycling we went to her house, we played some games in the afternoon and at evening we looked at the moon trough her window while talking about our future, maybe after next year i have to go too another school, but i said that i don't know right now, she was sad and said: "i don't want you too go because i love you." i felt my heart jumping in my chest, and than she quickly said: "as a friend, i mean." and she laughed. i 'don't know but those words made me kinda sad, while i must be happy that i'm her friend and that she said that she did not want me too go.

Also, tomorrow i part on vacation with my family, so i won't be able too update for a while. Bye

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"i don't want you too go because i love you." i felt my heart jumping in my chest, and than she quickly said "as a friend, i mean[/b]." and she laughed.

 

 

Unless she a) suspects you're gay or interested (and isn't) or b) is gay/interested herself and doesn't want you to be uncomfortable, she probably wouldn't need to clarify she means "as friends". Two straight people having that conversation wouldn't feel the need to qualify themselves in that way.

 

 

Well anyway, nothing will change unless you do something. If you are unwilling to take a chance and make some sort of move then the situation may not change. It's tough, but a little bit of courage and decisiveness is needed, you may never get what you want through waiting alone.

 

Try to consider it from her point of view as well, what if she does feel the same way as you? how would she be feeling right now?

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Unless she a) suspects you're gay or interested (and isn't) or b) is gay/interested herself and doesn't want you to be uncomfortable, she probably wouldn't need to clarify she means "as friends". Two straight people having that conversation wouldn't feel the need to qualify themselves in that way.

 

 

Well anyway, nothing will change unless you do something. If you are unwilling to take a chance and make some sort of move then the situation may not change. It's tough, but a little bit of courage and decisiveness is needed, you may never get what you want through waiting alone.

 

Try to consider it from her point of view as well, what if she does feel the same way as you? how would she be feeling right now?

 

She is interested. She said that as she was "testing the waters".

 

I don't think it could get more clear than that.

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Hello everyone, i’m back!

First of all, thanks chocolatemilk and Suesser Tod for your reply’s.

chocolatemilk, you’re right she could be suspecting that i’m bi-sexual, whenever there’s something that’s bothering me she always knows.

You’re question: 'Try to consider it from her point of view as well, what if she does feel the same way as you? how would she be feeling right now?’ is pretty difficult, but i think she would feel very sad and confused, she would like too tell me, but she would be afraid to lose me.

 

Well, yesterday i saw her again, we went to a museum, but we didn’t really look at the art, we were talking about a dream she had.

After the tour i gave her a present: a bracelet which i also have, it has little charms in a different shape, each of those little charms has another meaning, like a heart means ‘love’, a key means ‘safety’, a dolphin means ‘friendship’…

She was very happy with it and i helped her too put it around her arm.

 

After the museum we ate and then we went to her house, after a while i became tired so i go laying on her bed, she comes too me and asks too move a little.

At first we were just gazing at the roof but then we turned to each other and just when i turn i almost fall of the bed, so i close my eyes (like normal people do when they fall) and try to find my balance, i don’t fall and open my eyes, i see her lying very close with one arm around me so i wouldn’t fall. She moves her arm, says ‘stupid’ and touches my forehead, i laugh an then she says i need to be more careful and come a little closer towards her so i won’t be able to fall.

We talked and then she took my necklace and begins playing with it (it was still around my neck), we both didn’t say anything when she suddenly says: “i don’t know, but, it’s like you have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t respect you.” (i know it’s kinda strange, but this is what she literal said)

I said that i didn’t had a boyfriend, i wanted too say that i’m not really interested in boys, but i didn’t say it.

Then she said: “If you ever have a boyfriend and he would dare too hurt you, i will punish him.”

I didn’t say anything and then she said: “Because i will always protect you.”

Those words mean very much for me.

I said that i also will always protect her even if i have too go trough fire or if i have too swim over the biggest ocean.

We both rested for a couple of minutes, she closed her eyes and i was just looking at her face. I wanted too lay my hand on her cheek and kiss her forehead, but i didn’t do that.

When we both were ‘awake’, i almost needed too go home.

So i said that too her, she sighed sad and whispered: “I don’t want you too go home.”

I really wanted too stay, but i couldn’t.

 

When i’m reading this whole story over i have the feeling she likes me, but what if i’m wrong?

How does normal girls act towards their friends, is it as close as we are?

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Thanks greywolf and chocolatemilk for your posts.

Sorry if i respond a little late, but that’s because school has started,

but yet i'm kinda happy, i see her and my other friends every day and me and

my best friend are in the same class , so we're both happy

Past night she dreamed about me, in her dream she ran away from home, she was sad and angry but she didn’t know why.

She ran to the beach next to caravan from my grandparents and there she just sat crying, but I followed her an when I found her I stepped to her and laid my sweater over her.

I go sitting next to her and lay my arm around her. That was all she could remember she said.

This afternoon she didn’t feel well and she had cold so I laid my sweater over her and hugged her while stroking her head.

Everyone was asking what’s wrong, but she only wanted to talk with me. When school was out she felt better.

Tomorrow we’re going shopping, there are some books we want and I have to bring something for my family.

I want to tell her that I’m bi, but I don’t really know how to start and how to tell her without she finding out that I love her.

So could you please give me some advice.

Tomorrow I will ask her if she likes someone.

Thanks for everything.

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  • 2 months later...

I know nobody is still looking at this thread,

But today there happened something, don’t expect that she told me she loves me ,

It’s just something that she said that’s really bothering me.

 

So, this morning I went to school, when I met up with her we hugged and I said that I missed her.

Then this evening, school’s out and we were talking with another friend of us (a childhood friend of mine, we went to the same middle school), when my best friend says to our friend: ‘She (me) missed me and I missed you,’ and she laughed.

I know I’m stupid that something little like that makes me feel sad but what did she meant by saying that, was it on purpose or just something stupid? What do you think?

 

I said that I would ask if she liked someone, so I did. She said she didn’t and then she asked if I did, I answered ‘maybe’ and she kept asking if I really did or not.

 

That’s all I can tell right now.

I hope someone answers.

 

Greetz Moonsong

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  • 10 months later...
  • 6 months later...

So i guess i'm back

What happened? A lot, it's a very long story, if you guys want i'll post it (I kinda also need to relieve my feelings and talk to someone)

So, let me know if you want to hear it, i won't really need advice more someone who'll listen and give her/his opinion

xx Moonsong

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