Hello, i started to get feelings for my best friend, we respect and trust each other, so i donít know what to do.
Here is my story:
We met, almost a year ago, on school. We have the same hobbyís (drawing manga, watching anime, reading manga), so it was pretty easy for us to become friends. We talked about a lot of stuff and did things together and soon we became best friends. She said that i was special, because i could understand her so good, i respected her and i always made her laugh. She isnít really a person whoís searching for social contact and most of the times she looks very angry (while she isnít ).
So this year, end February, i began to fall for her (i already knew i was bi-sexual). I donít know why, but i was just so happy when she hugged me (we hug each other very often, when we say goodbye or when there is something bothering her, but she canít say it loud). My mom found out very early i was in love with her and one day she was talking with me she said i may not only be friends with her and i need to search for other good friends to, i said that i had other friends to but she was my best friend and i started to cry (iím a very emotional girl), my mom asked what was wrong and i didnít answer, then she said: ďi will tell you whatís wrong, youĎre in love with her. Am i right?Ē. I nod and cried even more, my mom hugged me and said it was okay. After that we talked for hours.
We mail pretty much and when we canít see each other a lot she says she misses me. And sometimes when weíre alone she says she wants to hug me to dead or she says iím cute, it makes me so happy. One time she came to sleep over and we stayed up late, she just jumped on the bed and said she was tired, then i tickled her, she laughed very hard and said: ďWhat would i do without you?Ē. Then one day she came over to my house, we eat together with my family and after the meal i going to the bathroom, so everything went well that day and at evening she went home, when she was gone my mom talked to me, she said that when i was to the toilet my friend said that i changed her life (in a positive way) i donít know why but that made me feel warm inside.
So, at the end of the first grade there where exams, we both did our best already, but now the last exam. We both wanted it to be as good as all the others so we putted our lucky glove on. We both have one, she has the right one, i have the left one. And so all the girls of my class asked where i got it and why i only had one, they were not mean or something. Then i go outside because we always have a pause between the exams, i meet up with my friend, (we arenít in the same class, but next year we will be) we talk a little and then a whole group of kids from our grade came standing around us and they keep asking why we have those gloves on, but they where mean they did bully my best friend in the past and they were probably trying to do that again. My best friend gets angry, says nothing and walks away, they did follow her, but then i walk next to her, those stupid kids where still asking a lot of things, so i began answering there questions and meanwhile i go slower so she could get away. She walks further and i stop, still answering there stupid questions. I did that for a while, totally surrounded by all those kids. Until i feel a hand on my shoulder, i turn around and i see itís her. I tell her she can go and i will take care of those kids, she takes my hand and says that she wonít leave me. Suddenly everyone is quiet until one girl rude asks if where lesbians, we both hush , than that girl says: ďkiss each other.Ē At first i was shocked, but then i said to that girl: ďWhy donít you kiss Olivier? (a boy who did also bully us, which name i know and who was standing right in front of me)Ē That girl shut her mouth, but then Olivier says: ďnot so brutal, girl!Ē and he punch me (not that hard and besides iím on karate). Luckily the bell ringed after he said that. That evening she told me that she thought that i was cool because i stayed so calm.
Then, last week we went on a holiday together with my grandparents. They have a caravan abroad. But a couple of years ago i went there with my cousin and sometimes i tickled her, because i thought that was funny, and my grandmother said, when i didnít know, that we were like lesbians. Címon we were just 11 years old and i donít hug her or something like that , only tickling. So i told that to my best friend, and we agreed that we wonít have physical contact. Sometimes that was pretty hard, but at evening we were always going outside without my grandparents and we slept in the same bed. In the caravan there are only 2 bedrooms, one for my grandparents and 1 for us. So the first night she slept at the side of the window, we talked a while and then we got to sleep. I didnít want her to think that iím to close, so i slept pretty far away from her. Then the second night she said that she didnít sleep well, so i said that i would sleep at the window side. So we lay in bed, we talk a little and then we go sleeping, she takes her pillow and lays it next to mine, i was pretty nervous, but it felt good to know that she was so close. Then in the morning (very early) i wake up and i see her sitting up in the bed, i ask if thereís something wrong, she said that she canít sleep but she would watch over me, until i waked up she did really stay by my side. The last night we were very tired so we didnít talk much, so we say goodnight and she lays her head on my shoulder and i lye my head on her head. It just feels so good when she does such things, but this was the first time that she was so close and i loved it. That night when she turned she did always look if i had enough blanket (it was just for one person) and most of times she covered me again. So every evening we went on a walk together, outside there is beautiful nature, itís next to the sea and itís always very quiet and peaceful there, so we had enough time for each other. And so, the first evening it was raining and we did already made a walk and we were tired but, the second evening we watched the sunset while sitting next to each other on the grass. At first we just sat next to each other but then she came closer and laid her head on my shoulder (she does that often when she has a headache or if sheís tired or just because, i do that to), but this time it wasnít because her head hurts or she was tired, she just laughed and said that it was beautiful. The sky turned dark red, the color of love she said. Then when we were walking the next day she said that she was cold and then she hooked her arm in mine, i said that we could also hold hands because her hands where the coldest, she said yes and held my hand, she said that my hands are always warm (thatís kinda true). Then, that night we were watching the stars while lying in the grass, i had her coat under my head and she was lying on my arm. They said it was the perfect night to see shooting stars and so we saw 4 shooting stars and the most beautiful stars weíve ever seen. The first shooting star was a little one and we could not see it totally because it was on our left side, i said that i was happy that iíd see a shooting star for the first time in my life, but i wanted to see one very clear right in front of my eyes. And so 2minutes later we were talking and suddenly right in front of our eyes a very clear shooting star, one moment everything was quiet and then she began to cry (she cries very easily when there happens something nice), i was also shocked and a little scared, so i just hugged her. The day after that (our last day) it was rainy, but we went on a walk at the beach, it was very nice and sometimes she just hugged me, it was the best vacation of my life.
Sometimes i want to tell her, but i hold back because iím scared that if i tell her she could become scared from me. One day i asked her what she thought about a GirlxGirl relationship and she said that it was the choice of the ones to love each other and that she thought that there wasnít anything wrong with loving someone for who they are. I didnít tell her that iím bi yet. One day she said that i was the best thing that happened in her life because she was an Ďaccidentí, her mom got pregnant at 16 years and the boy ran away, so she never knew her father, and also is her family very cold towards her, then she got bullied, never had real friends and there was no one who could understand her, until she met me.
I could tell a lot more, but that would be to long (isnít it already too long, sorry about that) . I hope that some of you could give some advice or tell me if you think she loves me to or not. Iím very confused at the moment and i donít know what to do (tell her or not).