Relationships slow personal growth?

Irony would have it that id be in a 4 month old relationship, which i believe to be the fruit of my personal growth labors... to feel as though its going to be the death of me (not literally).

 

I feel as though unless im single, and looking for something im not really advancing? I feel like im not doing the "things" i used to do that got me to this position, like reading, thinking, meditating, now im just living life day to day hour by hour, not conscious of ME like i used to be. Dont get me wrong im having lots of fun, but fun isnt getting me as far as i was getting myself, alone.

 

How can anyone be introverted and extroverted at the same time?

I don't think a relationships stunts growth. For me, I do a lot of personal growing when I am in the relationship. The relationship I am in is the fruit of my labor of doing personal work, etc, but once I am in the relationship I grow socially. I am held more accountable for my thoughts and actions when I am with someone versus being alone with my thoughts, and I'm loved by someone in a wonderful way.

 

I do journal for a short time every day, also, though

How can anyone be introverted and extroverted at the same time?

Because they're both different sides of the same coin. You can't be both introverted and extroverted in the same MOMENT, but you can certainly be both at different times, depending on the situation. I can say this for certain because it applies to me.

 

Also, if you're in a healthy relationship, you ARE growing. There's nothing in the rule book to say that personal, spiritual growth isn't fun. It can be very painful to face the issues from the past that are stunting us in the present, but joy is as valid an emotion as any of the others, and an indication to yourself that your growth is in the right direction.

Also, if you're in a healthy relationship, you ARE growing. There's nothing in the rule book to say that personal, spiritual growth isn't fun. It can be very painful to face the issues from the past that are stunting us in the present, but joy is as valid an emotion as any of the others, and an indication to yourself that your growth is in the right direction.

 

This is a fantastic statement, and is completely true. I have learned this over the past year, that a healthy relationship can contribute to immense personal growth. Most of that growth is enjoyable, and leaves me realizing that I am so much more than I ever thought I was.

 

Joy was a very new emotion to me, I was wondering exactly what it was for a long time. Now that I know, I can look at where I am right now as compared to where I was a year ago, and I can see the great leaps in personal growth I have made.

It depends on the type of relationship your in. A dysfunctional relationship will stunt your growth and even set you back. A healthy relationship will still allow you to grow.

I've grown in my relationship in some ways and in other ways I probably would've grown more if I wasn't with my so. But that's okay, where I'm at right now I feel pretty good about. I know that I'll get to where I want to be, and I'm already moving in the right direction. I don't feel as though, being with him, overall, made it difficult for me to grow.

I've grown spiritually, mentally, emotionally. The areas to where I didn't grow were more on the financial side, and on just being more mature. But those two things can always develop overtime. I'm only 23.

A healthy , intimate relationship vastly adds to personal growth , in one regard. Intimacy allows you to grow in ways that are not possible to manifest with the absence of mutual gifting. Manifesting "personal growth" (getting a makeover , for instance) , to some capacity , is natural and important when single , but the emotional security you have inside yourself will be revealed through confident and/or humbling means when you symbiotically grow with another person on a profoundly , deep emotion level.

 

When you are in a relationship with someone , or maybe just casually dating someone , and you enter into it already content with yourself , you naturally pick up on those characteristics that excite you. Like , something she does , her behavior , whatever. Not something that is used as a way prove anything , but to grow by receiving her gift(s) and nourishing them in your life and letting others be recipients to what you nourished.

 

Certainly , there is personal growth through heartbreak , not just the fruits of the relationship itself. To go through love and heartbreak , and to reflect on that with honesty and learn from it and see what was held back and what wasn't , that will make you a better person. Heck , even just being bummed about a girl/woman backing out after a few dates , you learn about your behavior and how others handle it. You learn about the dynamics between men and women. Your learn about your communication skills (or lack thereof) , your withholdings , and your strengths.

Certainly , there is personal growth through heartbreak , not just the fruits of the relationship itself. To go through love and heartbreak , and to reflect on that with honesty and learn from it and see what was held back and what wasn't , that will make you a better person. Heck , even just being bummed about a girl/woman backing out after a few dates , you learn about your behavior and how others handle it. You learn about the dynamics between men and women. Your learn about your communication skills (or lack thereof) , your withholdings , and your strengths.

 

perhaps i thrive in heartache, thats been the largest driving force in my life thus far. Though im not in a bad relationship at the moment the drive... the motivation, i had to do whatever possible to succeed is now gone. I havent been here before, personal growth in this respect is new for me.

 

And the more i think about it, my partner is unable to help me in this respect, i dont believe she will ever be able to help me with personal growth as i see it now. Its too, well... personal, the very deep thoughts, near meditations, intent reading, they actually arnt the life style i want to lead for my life. I want to use them to achieve something, the peace, but i realize im not near that place yet, infact ill be realistic i dont think ill ever be to that place, the way i feel is that personal growth is never ending, the human potential is so vast that anything less than a life pursuing it would be a waste... So how do i get be introverted and extroverted at the same time? Being introverted... its hard to escape once you indulge it... it hurts, but there is some clarity that makes it all worth the while, but i cant seem to flip the switch.

Well, the relationship is really young...and that part usually is about fun. A lot of the time.

 

Once it 'matures' and deepens some, which some do but not all do, that 's when the fun and the personal growth stuff usually starts to come together in one big mixing bowl.

 

When that happens, and if you grow more connected and get to know each other through that time, it can be so beautiful and rewarding.

 

But between the beginning and there (which can go on for ever, if you are lucky!) ...yeah, the transition can be rough! Lots of cars on the side of the road from that part of trying to bring your self and their self to one place without losing stuff along the way.

Irony would have it that id be in a 4 month old relationship, which i believe to be the fruit of my personal growth labors... to feel as though its going to be the death of me (not literally).

 

Relationship cannot help but intend the weakening of the ego (the me); it can or does feel like the "death of me". This is the point of the relationship. In love, true relationship, there is no me.

 

I feel as though unless im single, and looking for something im not really advancing?

As long as there is anyone "advancing", that is not personal growth. PG is rather a misnomer. What 'grows' or better - extends, or just is, is not personal, it is love. Love being the absence of fear.

 

How can anyone be introverted and extroverted at the same time?

One is not anything, not in time, not labelled as intro- or extro- or anything.

 

perhaps i thrive in heartache, thats been the largest driving force in my life thus far.

The ego/me repeats actions that reinforce or ensure the continuity of itself; thus it has to repeat the lessons of heartache. Eventually one may see that it is this very sense of me that is 'in the way' of growth. We can watch the ego/me as it continues to try to 'reinforce its ivory castle'. It is built on a foundation of fear. Love has nothing to do with fear.

paraphrasing eckhart is usefull, i mean that in the sense that i hadn't considered the painbody being a part of my relationship but in reality i havnt been mindful enough in the past few months to really say i am without it. Though now that i take a step back it does seem that i am pretty tangled up in my mind.

Whenever you think of yourself, there is the painbody. Thinking about yourself is inherently painful.

 

Whenever you think about yourself there is confusion/pain because you are actually not able to think about yourself, as all that you think about is an imagined self image, a self idol.

 

And then all you think about is how to give this idol pleasure and prevent it being in pain. Such pleasure always ends in pain.

 

Watch how the mind goes from this imagined pleasure to pain and be free of this switchback which you are not on or in.