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How do you break up with someone who is so dependent on you, their only other option is homelessness


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Offering them a time frame to come up with money, a living situation, and what not before making them leave. i.e. "I think it's best that we part ways because this is not working for either of us. However, I know that your situation is difficult, and I want you to take a few months to come up with money and find a living arrangement before moving out"

 

Of course not that direct--but you get my drift.

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He has floated in and out of jobs since he moved to this state (jobs like cart pusher, vacuum sales, ect.) three years ago but nothing lasted for more than a few months. In the 10 months I've been dating him he has had 1 interview with a temp agency. So even though giving him a few months to get money or a place to stay together is good advice, I feel like I've been waiting for him to do just that for 10 months.

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Doesn't sound like this guy is looking for work. He had only one interview in 10 months. Where is he getting his money for video games and pot? Are you smoking pot as well?

 

This situation is bad. Get him out of your house because of the police comes to your house and finds pot then you will be arrested as well.

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He knows that you will support him, and due to the comfort of that he most likely isn't very interested in finding a job. If he truly would face homelessness, then I think it'd be most fair to talk to him, say that you think the relationship has run its course, and then give him a bit of time to live with you while trying to acquire funds. Figure out a timeline that would be comfortable to you. If you don't feel you'd want him to stay with you at all after the break-up, perhaps try to see if there is ANYONE he could stay with. I had an ex who freeloaded off of me but he did have parents to move back in with. I hope it all works out for you!

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How do you break up with someone when they have no job and no where else to go (I mean literally, no friends, no family, nothing)? How do you break up with someone when it could mean that they end up on the street?

 

You make them homeless. I know that sounds harsh, but depending on where you are, there are all sorts of welfare and employment programs around, and almost nobody has to be in that situation except through personal choice (including the choice of "I can't be bothered to figure out how to find somewhere to live or get a job"). He is responsibility for his living arrangements; you are not.

 

Out of compassion, I might do what waveseer said, or I would at least give him three months notice or something along those lines and help him to check out other options in terms of welfare, employment, social services, potential acquaintances etc., but fix a firm deadline and after that, he's on his own. And meanwhile, the relationship part breaks up immediately.

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I have never understood how someone that is unemployed, no money, not a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of can still find the resources to smoke weed??? This blows my mind.

 

Actually some people prostitute themselves to get drugs as payment. In Europe some girls sell themselves for college supplies. Some people will do anything to get anything.

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Actually some people prostitute themselves to get drugs as payment. In Europe some girls sell themselves for college supplies. Some people will do anything to get anything.

 

Well in the case of the OP, I doubt he is prostituting himself, although I could be wrong but I will say that if he is prostituting himself, he should really be paying some rent and bills somewhere and not letting it go all up in smoke (pun intended).

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Firstly, if he was playing video games and smoking pot when you met him, you fully knew what you were getting into. This is no sudden surprise. You just now have the blinders off.

 

However, there should be some consideration for if he moved to this state to be with you. Did he? or did you meet him later? It seems like he has no anchor where you are and not having a support network doesn't help - unless he alienated everyone back home.

 

I think the first step for anything really, is to tell him that you decided, since you pay the rent, that there is no more pot in the house. Even use the excuse that they do random drug screening and it stays in your hair, etc. You just can't be around it anymore. So he has the choice to find another place to live or quit, very matter of factly. Also, encourage that he gets help. I know some people think pot is harmless, but apparently he is just sitting around and smoking, which is not. It is taking up part of his life. He needs to get help, especially because he does not have a support network there

 

I think that if you met him recently, you don't have to cut him as much slack as if he moved to the state to be with you, for sure.

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If the relationship is over it's over its not your responsibility to make sure he has what he needs.

 

If this is someone you deeply care about I can see how this would be very difficult. If you are financially able I would give them a couple hundred and count your losses or give him a month or two weeks to find a place.

 

I know times are tough job wise but a lot are also using that as an excuse not to hussle to get a job. My mom, a felon, who hadn't worked in over 5 years got a job after about a week of looking. I being young with only retail experience have managed to get three jobs in the last year. Mind you these aren't fancy jobs but it pays the bills.

 

You are only enabling him.

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He moved here 2 years before I met him. When I met him he had a job, but he decided to quit. I enjoy a smoke every now and again. But I can't support his habbit. I buy a little bit when I can but he ends up smoking most of it. Whatever else he smokes he gets from acquaintances. He does have a felony in his background and tells me that's why he can't get a job.

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He moved here 2 years before I met him. When I met him he had a job, but he decided to quit. I enjoy a smoke every now and again. But I can't support his habbit. I buy a little bit when I can but he ends up smoking most of it. Whatever else he smokes he gets from acquaintances. He does have a felony in his background and tells me that's why he can't get a job.

 

Well then, there you have it. He can apply to 1500 places and probably doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell.

 

You knew all this about him when you started seeing him right?

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OK, seriously? He chose to quit his job, sits around all day mooching off you and you are having a crisis of conscience over putting him out?

 

He is in a situation he chose to be in. The resulting lack of security is his own fault and keeping him safe is not your responsibility. I'm pretty sure that he will not be homeless and that he will get another sucker lined up to carry his weight pretty quickly.

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Did you have any concerns when you met him and he had overstayed his welcome at a friend's house, was "looking for work" and smoking pot/playing videogames all day? Did you express any of those concerns to him at the time? It sounds like he's comfortable going from one worn out welcome to the next and taking what he can get. I wouldn't worry too much that he won't find a place to land. I'm sure relying on people's sympathies is what has gotten him from place to place so far. He'll live. Save yourself!!

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