What does it mean when an ex contacts you out of the blue?

Just as the title asks: what do you think are some of the possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend suddenly contacts you after a prolonged period of no contact after a break-up?

My ex-boyfriend just sent me a random text message out of nowhere last night and I have ignored it, but obviously it is bothering me. Why do they do it? Is it manipulation? What motivates them to reach out after so much time has passed? I am tempted to reply, but he hurt me quite badly and I think he must just be bored or lonely. What are others thoughts on this topic?

Ha, if we knew that we'd not be on this forum.

What did the text say? How long has it been since you heard from him, and since your break up?

I have yet to have my ex "reach out" as it were, but I would imagine feeling both elated and bloody pissed off. Hard to know what their intentions are... friendship, guilt alleviation, reconciliation, boredom, loneliness... who knows!

What did the message say?

Usually because someone just dumped them.

Ha, if we knew that we'd not be on this forum.

What did the text say? How long has it been since you heard from him, and since your break up?

 

I have yet to have my ex "reach out" as it were, but I would imagine feeling both elated and bloody pissed off. Hard to know what their intentions are... friendship, guilt alleviation, reconciliation, boredom, loneliness... who knows!

Precisely. I do feel elated and pissed off both at once -- mostly pissed off though. It feels like an annoyance more than anything. It's been about 4 1/2 months since break-up and there has been no contact since then, however, it was only a 2 month relationship that moved very quickly and got quite intense emotionally and physically speaking. I deleted his number shortly after break-up, but obviously he kept mine. This is screwing with my head now.

Usually because someone just dumped them.

This makes sense as well....

What did the message say?

It said: "Hey hope you are ok? Sorry x"

And he added a sad face as well manipulation?

Sadly, it is usually because they were just dumped. I've got an ex that does this everytime he's single. E-mails about how we had this special 'connection' and a lot of other phony sentimental crap. Sometimes I read, sometimes I delete. I never respond. I never felt elated more like..."Ugh...you again?"

And I have to admit, I have done it for that very reason. Newly single, vulnerable, just plain old reaching for something familiar.

It's hard to tell what he is feeling or what he wants from you. Possibly loneliness, looking for someone to talk to, guilt, trying to open communication again for some reason.

How do you feel? Are you over it? Do you want him back?

Why did you break up?

Haha, "ugh, you again" ... bout right!

People think of and use others as safety nets and it's so not cool. I'm really trying not to do that now because of how it feels.

Exes can be such eejuts can't they?

What time was the text sent..? Might he have been drunk? I honestly think if they want reconciliation they oughtta put more effort in .... Other than that it's like, a fly buzzing around, annoying.

Haha, "ugh, you again" ... bout right!

 

People think of and use others as safety nets and it's so not cool. I'm really trying not to do that now because of how it feels.

 

Exes can be such eejuts can't they?

 

What time was the text sent..? Might he have been drunk? I honestly think if they want reconciliation they oughtta put more effort in .... Other than that it's like, a fly buzzing around, annoying.

Haha! Time to get the swatter out!

I think a lot of the time, even if they want reconcilliation, they won't come right out and say it.

So what is the most dignified action? Should I be a b*tch and text back "just got dumped, huh?"

Or should I just ignore it? Part of me is screaming to reply with something provoking to let him know just how mad I was/am.

I personally wouldn't respond though the temptation might be too much. I just figure if they have something really important to say they will try and say it again... But heyho, might be wrong!

Do you want this person back in your life in any way shape or form?

Depends what you want. Do you want him back? Do you want to be friends or have any sort of communiation with him?

Depends what you want. Do you want him back? Do you want to be friends or have any sort of communiation with him?

I don't know what I want. I never expected to hear from him again, and have tried very hard to put him in my past. Now that I have received this stupid text from him, I am so confused. It has brought all the old feelings back to the surface and I don't have a clear head at the moment. I feel like if I reply (in any manner, whether it be polite or cruel), it will just fuel his ego, and maybe that is all he is looking for? I just don't know...

If you reply, you enter "the dance". The dance is him knowing you will be there whenever he is single again.

I don't like when people don't make contact for long periods of time and then contact me. I figure if they really cared, the contact would not have ended, even if just LC.

If you reply, you enter "the dance". The dance is him knowing you will be there whenever he is single again.

 

I don't like when people don't make contact for long periods of time and then contact me. I figure if they really cared, the contact would not have ended, even if just LC.

Yeahhh I agree with this. I wouldn't reply back.. When you don't say anything, it still says something...

Too late. I couldn't control myself and sent back a sarcastic and b*tchy text. I know I should have ignored, and I don't expect a reply back, but I'm not going to just sit here and be like 'oh well'....

He acted like a sh*t and I let him know that in a sarcastic way, so hopefully that will prevent him from further contact...whereas if I hadn't replied, it may have led to further contact on his part. Or perhaps I have entered the "dance". I just want him to leave me alone. This is hurtful.

In my experience, it's been because they've just been dumped and they for some reason think talking to me a bit and getting me revved up will save their ego. It's happened over and over and over again. They call up, talking sweet to me, talk about their lives and what's been going on, start verbalizing 'what ifs' for if we got back together, and just when I think something just might start up again...BAM! They're gone and not long later, they're 'in lurve' with some new little hottie.

Seriously, I know I'm associated with a lot of good times in a guy's life, and I make them feel good about themselves, which is why they would come back after a hard time. Lately, I've not been so soft toward the guys I date, and it stopped happening. I'm actually really grateful, because that's just a really harsh way to be used. It's the equivalent of the hump and dump.

Too late. I couldn't control myself and sent back a sarcastic and b*tchy text. I know I should have ignored, and I don't expect a reply back, but I'm not going to just sit here and be like 'oh well'....

 

He acted like a sh*t and I let him know that in a sarcastic way, so hopefully that will prevent him from further contact...whereas if I hadn't replied, it may have led to further contact on his part. Or perhaps I have entered the "dance". I just want him to leave me alone. This is hurtful.

Sometimes our intentions are well, I dont know him personally, seems like he was just trying to check up on you. I dunno

Don't respond. Don't waste your time opening doors that have been closed for long. And also, all he probably needs is a favor. Or maybe he's bored and just decided to text you. Both of which are not really good reasons to text him back.

please don't reply if it happens again..

they are just selfish **** who needs their ego stroked.

Ughhh, this is still pestering me. I am a very private person, and recently shared this with someone close to me. I explained to them that I received a text from the ex, and that I had sent a fairly harsh text reply back. My friend thought my reaction was a bit overly harsh, (I didn't say anything drastic, just basically a 'I'm not interested in whatever it is you are after' kind of reply).

My friend commented on how incredibly strong she thought I was for resisting the urge to reply differently, and now it has me wondering if I made the right decision. I have been seeing someone else and it is nowhere near as fulfilling as the relationship I had with this guy, but he (the ex who texted me) acted in such a reckless way with regards to my feelings towards the end, that I had to end the 'relationship' because I was sacrificing too much, and settling for less than I deserve.

But now I still don't know!! And I don't know what he was after when he texted me? I wish I knew, but I was too proud to 'take the bait' so to speak. I'm thinking about sending an email now, but I think that would be bad. Feeling weak and like he was the right one for me. Just don't think I can sacrifice my pride and dignity. Or maybe I am being too proud? What should I do? Help! Advice?

I have been seeing someone else and it is nowhere near as fulfilling as the relationship I had with this guy, but he (the ex who texted me) acted in such a reckless way with regards to my feelings towards the end, that I had to end the 'relationship' because I was sacrificing too much, and settling for less than I deserve.

 

But now I still don't know!! And I don't know what he was after when he texted me? I wish I knew, but I was too proud to 'take the bait' so to speak. I'm thinking about sending an email now, but I think that would be bad. Feeling weak and like he was the right one for me. Just don't think I can sacrifice my pride and dignity. Or maybe I am being too proud? What should I do? Help! Advice?

 

When you are confused, don't contact. You are seemingly regretting the contact that you did make.

 

By the way, I think that Josh might have been right in saying ...

 

Sometimes our intentions are well, I dont know him personally, seems like he was just trying to check up on you. I dunno

 

It could have been his ego contacting you ... who knows? But your reply pretty much shut him down. I think you need to look at the relationship you are in now and decide if it's what you want versus thinking back on this past relationship. That is gone now.

When you are confused, don't contact. You are seemingly regretting the contact that you did make.

 

By the way, I think that Josh might have been right in saying ...

 

 

 

It could have been his ego contacting you ... who knows? But your reply pretty much shut him down. I think you need to look at the relationship you are in now and decide if it's what you want versus thinking back on this past relationship. That is gone now.

Thanks for your reply. Are you saying that it may have just been his ego? That he was seeking to appease some of the guilt so to speak? It just drives me mad not knowing what he was after.