Should I be mad a good friend didn't invite me to her wedding?

So I need to know if I'm crazy or not.

So I say 'good' friend because we are definitely more then acquaintances. she's deff in my close circle.

I met her through her ex-bf who is a mutual friend. They broke up and I broke up with my BF around the same time. So both me and her were kinda in a sad state at the same time and we really bonded during this period giving each other support. Helped each other out, stayed over at each others houses alot (since we were both lonely ), talked about our guy problems etc. I was there when she met her now husband, I encouraged her to go on a date with him when she almost chickened out. Well fast forward and now they are married.

Well when they decided to get married ofcouse the subject came up and she told me she wasn't inviting either me or Josh (josh is a mutual friend and also close to her and was also a huge support to her during this time) because she wanted to get married on her family's plot of forest land (very important place to her) and there is not much room for many people so she was only inviting family and her best friend . This is true, I have been there, and really there isnt room for more then 5 cars or so, it is a very small piece of land. So I was a tad pissed but bit my tongue, cause she wasn't inviting Josh either so it wasn't like I was singled out and it did make sense.

Well the wedding plans develops and her mom ends up renting out a whole Cabin complex for the reception. Also she invited quite a few extended family members (including and aunt she hasn't seen in 15 years) and at the last minute invites her gf's from the east coast. Her justification is that since her mom is paying for it she has to invite everyone her moms wants there. She also said that she had several cabins available still but wasnt going to give them to anyone, they just booked all of them so they could have the place to themselves.

I saw one of the invitees post the directions to the cabins on their facebook and I looked it up and its a pretty big complex.

So it sounds like she has plenty of room for people at the reception, but shes still not inviting me or Josh!? I mean we talked about it and it seemed ok at the time. But now that the weddings happened its like * * * . It was almost MORE effort for her to not invite me then to at least invite me to the reception?

Needless to say I am pretty angry. Am I crazy?

sounds a bit rude. oh well. i wouldn't send her a gift. just a card wishing her and her new husband well.

I wouldn't send her a card either. I wouldn't wish them bad, but I wouldn't take the time to ever contact her again. I don't think I could not invite someone with whom I bonded and who was there for me during a hard time like that. She's rather rude and ungrateful. I think her original reason was an excuse which just got worse later on. Frankly, I'd have preferred she said nothing rather than to make up bad excuse after bad excuse. It's insulting.

I wouldn't say you are crazy. At the same time, I can see your friend's point of view since I'm getting married in about a week & a half & have gone through the whole planning process. EVERYONE says "can I bring along just one more person?" They don't see it as a big deal, but it really adds to the guest list in the end. It's easiest to say "no" accross the board.

I'm sure they could have squeezed in just one more seat for you, but that would also probably mean squeezing in just one more seat for the 50-100 other people that wanted to come. It's so hard to decide where to draw the line. And as she said, her mom paid for a lot of it so her mom has a lot of say in who is invited on the guest list. I had to invite people I haven't seen in years because of their relationship with my parents, and therefore didn't get to invite all the people I felt closer to.

Another thing to consider is that it's not just the square foot space you take into account for inviting more people. At my reception, each meal costs nearly $20 a person. Then for every table of 8, that's one more centerpiece to buy, 8 more chair covers, 8 more chair ties, & 2 more bottles of wine. Inviting 8 more people at my reception would cost me over $200.

Try not to take it so personally, especially considering how small her wedding is. Planning a wedding is hard, you just can't please everyone.

EVERYONE says "can I bring along just one more person?" Planning a wedding is hard, you just can't please everyone.

But she wasn't just "one more person". She was someone who was there for here at a very difficult time in her life, the kind of difficult time so many come to this site for. Instead of having to depend on a site, though, the bride had the benefit of a person being there for her, helping her, and bonding with her. It's not like the OP is some random person who only spoke to the bride every few years. The girl just didn't think about all that. It didn't seem important enough. Personally, I just couldn't do that to someone who was there for me. To each his own, though.

Also, inviting people whom my mom wanted, to me, would defeat the purpose of having a wedding, since it would cease to be MY wedding. It just seems like a ceremony like that, for me, would become meaningless if I couldn't invite whom I wanted there.

traditionally, the bride and groom invite 1/3 of the guests, the bride's parents invite 1/3, and the groom's parents invite 1/3. so that means the bride herself only gets to invite 1/6th of the guests. therefore, if you have 60 guests, the bride only gets to choose 10. I'm just talking about the 'official custom.' of course, if your parents pay, they get more of a say as to who gets to come. sure, you don't have your friends all there, but those 60 somethings with a ton of money probably give better shower presents than your broke 20 something friends.

of course, if your parents pay, they get more of a say as to who gets to come.

I don't see any reason why it should be this way. They should just be happy their child is getting married. They should want their child to be happy and have a great wedding--which to me would mean inviting the people I really want there. If they impose their will, then I think that's selfish and totally contrary to what the whole event is supposed to be: their child's wedding.

Having said that, I despise big weddings and I am not into the traditional aspect of it as you mentioned. I am going to have a tiny wedding, but be sure I will invite the people I appreciate and want there.

I am unwilling to fuel the wedding planning and ceremony industry.

I would be offended. I wouldn't mind that from a acquaintance or work colleague, but a friend is different. There are a number of people in my life I would want at my wedding and as much as I know at times money/space play a big part, someone who is significantly important should be there on your wedding day.

Yeah, it would have been nice if the bride invited the OP if they are really that close. But she should also recognize that the bride probably had a lot of other close friends she couldn't invite as well. Trust me, no one leaves good friends off the invite list if they don't have to. But it's easy to look at it from the outside & get PO'ed about it, until YOU'RE the one planning the wedding & getting flack from everyone left & right over everything. The day is about the bride & groom's commitment to each other anyway, & not proving who they choose to put on their A-list.

It's only fair to let your parents invite their friends when they pay for it. Because these are the people important to THEM. The people they want there on the day to celebrate their child taking a new step in their life. The people who YOU may not remember from your childhood, but they certainly remember you as a baby & a toddler. You could choose not to let them invite their friends, but that would also mean you are probably paying for the whole thing yourself & can't afford to invite all your friends anyway. You can't get everything you want & you can't make everyone happy.

I don't see any reason why it should be this way. They should just be happy their child is getting married. They should want their child to be happy and have a great wedding--which to me would mean inviting the people I really want there. If they impose their will, then I think that's selfish and totally contrary to what the whole event is supposed to be: their child's wedding.

 

Having said that, I despise big weddings and I am not into the traditional aspect of it as you mentioned. I am going to have a tiny wedding, but be sure I will invite the people I appreciate and want there.

 

I am unwilling to fuel the wedding planning and ceremony industry.

 

We're all different, and while I agree with you that it's the son/daughter getting married I feel there are people that the parents want on that special day there to celebrate the kids marriage. For instance, I wouldn't want every single person or even every single friend of theirs at my wedding, but there is a good number of people who my parents are very close with, who invited my parents to their kids weddings and me and who I also like. With that said, I wouldn't want people I never met or who I don't like at my wedding.

 

It's the bride and grooms day, but the parents are also proud on that day and they want to celebrate with their close friends. Nothing wrong with that.

Each their own, some people like big weddings other like very small. Bottom line yes it's the bride and grooms decision, but I also respect and love my parents very much to include some of their best friends to my wedding.

Of course I'm not saying the parents can't or shouldn't invite their friends at all. I'm saying they shouldn't get to invite most of the people or dictate how everything will go. It's not their wedding.

Having said that, I don't think parents should pay for it either.

Of course I'm not saying the parents can't or shouldn't invite their friends at all. I'm saying they shouldn't get to invite most of the people or dictate how everything will go. It's not their wedding.

 

Having said that, I don't think parents should pay for it either.

I agree there should be a limit to how much parents are involved, but some people like the parents involvement others don't. As for the payment, again it's up to them really. If the kids can't afford it and the parents can I see nothing wrong with that. I also see nothing wrong with it if the parents are rich and offer to pay while the bride groom often aren't as wealth as the parents. Not many people in their late 20's early 30's can afford a $30.000 wedding + mortgage + 2 cars etc.

I realize this isn't the "standard" but any wedding with over 100 guests a good reception + cars, bridesmaid dresses, 5 course meal, drinks does cost that much if not more.

Last wedding I attended cost over 70K, the brides dress alone was some 25K.

People live different lifestyles and what is right for one person can totally be absurd for another.

yeah, and you know, if i were shelling out $70,000 for my kid's wedding and i really wanted my friend to be there, damnit, she would be there. even if she didn't know my daughter the bride, lol.

abigail - just wondering, why do you think she might have left you off the invite list? did you guys have a falling out or have you just not been so close lately? do you live a considerable distance away and she maybe just thought you wouldn't even make the trip?

Well first and foremost you are hurt regardless and for that hurt I am sorry.

The one thing I do know is this... that no matter how a good friend is they are going to hurt you every once in a while and we have to forgive them for that.

I know I've hurt one of my bff a long time ago... it was hard but she did forgive me... she's been a part of my life for 30yrs... she's disappointed me at times too but I wouldn't trade anything for her!

yeah, and you know, if i were shelling out $70,000 for my kid's wedding and i really wanted my friend to be there, damnit, she would be there. even if she didn't know my daughter the bride, lol.

hahahah I'd want more than just one friend there

I think the money was split between their parents, and from what I am aware of both the bride and grooms parents invited some of their close friends.

abigail - just wondering, why do you think she might have left you off the invite list? did you guys have a falling out or have you just not been so close lately? do you live a considerable distance away and she maybe just thought you wouldn't even make the trip?

Yeah the 'WHY' is a little elusive to myselfs as well. There was no falling out. Shes stayed at my place (she lives 3 hours away) several times, we booked a cabin and had a weekend with both couples (me and my bf) all since the wedding plans started and we always have a good time. And we've made plans to go camping this summer and everything.

She just did not want to invite me to her wedding.

Her reasoning was alot of what Alli said (I quoted him below).

But EVEN then I still have a hard time believing since she was able to invite two girl friends from the east coast at the last min and they had to scramble to get plan tickets!

I mean I don't know HOW close she is to them, but being they live on the east coast I can't imagine they have spent much time with each other recently.

And then for her to say they have open cabins but she wasn't going to use them was another burn.

I dunno it just seems like she put more effort in not inviting me then to just invite.

I kinda feel like I just don't want to talk to her anymore, she's kinda a * * * * ty friend.

Yeah, it would have been nice if the bride invited the OP if they are really that close. But she should also recognize that the bride probably had a lot of other close friends she couldn't invite as well. Trust me, no one leaves good friends off the invite list if they don't have to. But it's easy to look at it from the outside & get PO'ed about it, until YOU'RE the one planning the wedding & getting flack from everyone left & right over everything. The day is about the bride & groom's commitment to each other anyway, & not proving who they choose to put on their A-list.

 

It's only fair to let your parents invite their friends when they pay for it. Because these are the people important to THEM. The people they want there on the day to celebrate their child taking a new step in their life. The people who YOU may not remember from your childhood, but they certainly remember you as a baby & a toddler. You could choose not to let them invite their friends, but that would also mean you are probably paying for the whole thing yourself & can't afford to invite all your friends anyway. You can't get everything you want & you can't make everyone happy.

I wouldn't send her a card either. I wouldn't wish them bad, but I wouldn't take the time to ever contact her again. I don't think I could not invite someone with whom I bonded and who was there for me during a hard time like that. She's rather rude and ungrateful. I think her original reason was an excuse which just got worse later on. Frankly, I'd have preferred she said nothing rather than to make up bad excuse after bad excuse. It's insulting.

Yup,

That's pretty much how I feel.

Ughh just checked her facebook and found her friend Renee posted this comment:

Renee: "What are you - too busy being married to upload those pics I took? I want a new profile picture!" (katy's (the brides) profile picture right now is her kissing the groom)

Then she responded

Katy (the bride): "shooshhhh"

I commented: "Nice!! renee took pictures of the wedding!?"

She hasnt responded.

Now I suppose Renee could be talking about some pictures of some other event... But I doubt that.

She never told me she invited Renee... That is really insulting... she has ALOT more friends at her wedding then she led me to believe.

ugh. that sucks. i am sorry. don't know what her problem was....

So she is a majorly crappy friend. Move on. There's no point in continuing to be angry about this. At least now you know she doesn't know how to be grateful, honest or a good friend. Good riddance.