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Thread: When your ex doesn't contact you, is it hate or indifference?

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    When your ex doesn't contact you, is it hate or indifference?

    I apologize if this a thread like this already exists. I did a quick search and didn't find a similar thread.

    When your ex doesn't contact you, do you feel that he or she hates you, or is indifferent?
    Is hate really better than indifference?
    Has anyone had relations improve after hate or indifference from the ex?

    I'm approaching 50 days of NC. In our last exchange, he said "Too busy to go online and talk to me? Go away." He then responded to my emails by telling me not to send another message. Circumstances being what they are, I've disappeared from his radar, so to say (except for facebook, but then we were never FB friends)

    It seems like I have to conclude that he simply doesn't care, and move on accordingly.

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    I wish I could give you the answer to that

    My ex isn't contacting me out of respect, but who knows...maybe he just doesn't want to talk to me?

    We'll never know unless they directly tell us

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    It can be anything really....

    Hate, indifference, respect, busy with the rebound, fear (of rejection), etc etc.

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    Silver Member jraf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by britomart View Post
    It seems like I have to conclude that he simply doesn't care, and move on accordingly.
    This is true.
    I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

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    It's part of no contact. It's what everyone does when they break up - they avoid you so as not to have any feelings of guilt or any chance of giving you the wrong impression that you still have a chance.

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    Yes, I think it depends on how the break-up ended, what your relationship was like, etc.

    I don't like to believe it because I'm a pessimist, but I'm pretty sure my ex is not contacting me out of respect. He is respecting my wish for NC. And so I really had no reason to be upset that he didn't send me a birthday text anyway...he is just the kind of person who will try to be as rational as hell - keeping up with the NC because that's what I established for now. At the same time, I'm sure he's enjoying the freedom and no obligations to anyone.

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    Bronze Member RyanGeist's Avatar
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    He might care or he might not care. But considering that the relationship is annulled, this seems a moot point. Moving on is the prerogative.

    When two people break up, they generally don't have contact unless by circumstance. It has nothing to do with hating the other person, but allows feelings to subside, permitting another relationship in its place.

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    It doesn't have to be either hate or indifference. It can simply be what they need to do to heal and move on. So often we only think of how bad we feel and think they are being insensitive towards us. We cannot see the other person's actions simply as something they must do for themselves. Time to stop analyzing what it means and simply move on.
    "Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears" - Marcus Aurelius

    "I know what is best for me. Why do I want you instead?" - unknown

  9. #9
    Silver Member anu1560's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KittyBoo View Post
    It doesn't have to be either hate or indifference. It can simply be what they need to do to heal and move on.
    I agree with this.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Live-N-Learn's Avatar
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    My ex has text me twice since I went NC on her 7 weeks ago. One drunken text on week 3, and another this week after deleting her and blocking her on FB. Neither of the contacts made me feel any better. Trust me, if they have moved on the last thing you want is to hear from them. Be thankful they are not in contact.
    Time to take responsibility for your choices and stop blaming others. It is fully within your control to make the "next right choice" towards healing.

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