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I haven't been on a date in a year


lady00

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The year just kind of...flew by. So much has happened in the past year, so many transitions in my life. I just realized recently that I have not been on a single date this entire time. It's almost like that part of myself has been turned off as I've been trying to figure out other aspects of my life. And the weird thing (for me) is...I don't miss it. I've always been concerned (since high school) about finding "the one," getting married and having kids. If you met me in high school I would have insisted that I would meet my husband in college, get married at 26 (my age now) and have a child on the way. I feel weirdly not like a full person sometimes because this whole part of my life is non-existent and for the first time I really don't care. On a Friday or Saturday night, I'd rather watch tv by myself than go on a date. If I get a free weekend, I'd rather go for a walk alone. I don't have any revelations to share. I didn't really have an "aha" moment out of all this. I just find it all a little bit curious.

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Well we all go through periods in our life where guys take a back seat, but you're realization means they're about to move into priority status. You're getting older, you need to think about settling down and finding the one. Maybe you got burned and needed time to heal but it's time to open yourself back up to dating. Get out there, before it's too late to have kids. It takes about 2-3 years to build a relationship, a good solid one so the time is now.

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There is nothing wrong with feeling like that. I think society pushes this whole notion of being coupled up so that people feel like they have to put themselves out there. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date and just wanting to focus on other things in your life. When you are ready to get back into it you will..be it a few months from now, another year from now or whenever.

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I'm kind of hitting this point, too, and honestly, it feels great. It's timed out that I've been on about a date every three months or so since I broke up with my last boyfriend. Nothing's panned out, and after every date, I'm kind of thankful that's the case. I like spending time with me. I like investing all of my time and energy into making myself a better person and doing things I enjoy.

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i felt like that too until a week ago. i had no intention of dating. then i went to a birthday party of a female friend, where i met this fabulous gay man, who took me to another party, where i wound up meeting a straight man i now have a crush on, lol. I think just keep your options open, and hang out with people.

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On a Friday or Saturday night, I'd rather watch tv by myself than go on a date. If I get a free weekend, I'd rather go for a walk alone. I don't have any revelations to share. I didn't really have an "aha" moment out of all this. I just find it all a little bit curious.

 

Hi lady00. I think it is completely normal to feel what you are feeling. Your job seems to be taking up so much of your energy these days that you probably just want to use your free time for yourself, to relax.

 

Aside from dating, just be careful not to socially isolate yourself (in general) too much. Are you finding that you spend less time than you used to with friends and family as well?

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I haven't gone on a date in over a year and it doesn't really faze me any more. I do eventually want to date but it isn't high on my priorities right now. Since I lost my job, besides job hunting, I have also concentrated on improving my life by working out and losing weight.

 

I think I will be ready to date when feel more comfortable about myself and my looks.

 

Eventually, you will get to a point though, that you want to meet a guy. Remember, when you are happiest with yourself, is when a guy usually shows up in your life.

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Well we all go through periods in our life where guys take a back seat, but you're realization means they're about to move into priority status. You're getting older, you need to think about settling down and finding the one. Maybe you got burned and needed time to heal but it's time to open yourself back up to dating. Get out there, before it's too late to have kids. It takes about 2-3 years to build a relationship, a good solid one so the time is now.

I agree with this. While I completely understand not wanting to be out there, let me tell you the time flies. Don't let it fly for too many years. I mean, if you want to be alone, that's fine - but if you feel that one day you would like to have a partner, don't get stuck in a rut where you completely stop going out. That's all I mean.

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I wish I felt that way! I'm trying as hard as I can to find complete satisfaction in yoga, rock-climbing, running, hiking, school, tutoring, volunteering, piano, reading, gaming, etc. but it's never quite enough to eclipse the nagging desire to have a partner.

 

Have you been in many relationships in the past? Do you think that makes it any easier to be by yourself now?

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Some of us get burned so many times, or find they keep on getting rejected that they break and finally just give up.

Within that time they make themselves busy or do things to make themselves better as people to forget being alone.

 

And like jumping into a pool....you eventually adjust to the life.

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I think most people would agree that you find love when you actually aren't looking for it.

 

And, kudos to you for getting "your house" in order... love will seem more effortless when you've figured out the other important and must haves in your life.

 

My fiance' was the last thing I was looking for... LOL! I only chatted with him when I had nothing else to do... didn't really make an effort in meeting up and only truly wanted to see him when he was the last person I had left to ask to attend a concert --- now the guy has me wrapped around his finger!

 

Focusing on you is a good thing. I've spent 3 to 4yr without dating while focusing on my life. I think what the other people are saying is its fine NOT to date but don't lock yourself in a box. Try to maintain a least a bit of a social life... you don't want to wake up at 40 and feel you missed something because you were working to get promoted at work or something!

 

HUGS!

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I think it sounds perfectly normal including the no "aha" moment - liked that! It sounds like you feel comfortable with the "situation" (a word that over dramatizes what you wrote - it simply "is"). I would say just be open to feeling differently and to surprising yoursef.

 

I never thought I'd get a kick out of deciding what to make for dinner and looking forward to our typical tv shows - and almost never going out at night as compared to being out at least 2-3 times a week for social or business things. I;ve also had the opposite experience - planning something that you think you will love "wow I can't wait to just curl up with a good book all day" and then feeling fidgety 30 minutes later. I don't know if other people surprise themselves as much as I do but I'm glad I'm open to feeling surprised.

 

I wouldn't focus on the "you turn around and you're 40 all of a sudden" -that's a negative mindset. There's a way to make sure you're leading a balanced life in a more positive way and I'm sure you will figure out what works for you.

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I have found in my own life that a sense of contentment like you describe usually precedes a great relationship. It's happened for me a couple of times over now; it really sounds like that's where you're at, which is a positive thing.

 

Same here. Looking back, I think the times of taking a break from dating to focus on other priorities and myself have been necessary and very valuable. It's great to realize we can be content on our own. I've taken breaks from dating for more than a year and haven't regretted it. But at the same time, I wish I had pushed myself to date more when I was younger, because now I'm too old to have children unless I adopt.

 

So Lady00, enjoy this time and don't feel pressured. I think the late 20s is a time we really figure out who we are and what we're looking for in life. At the same, I agree with the others that you need to make sure you're not withdrawing from people and putting dating off for too long. Be open-minded. You can focus on yourself and still be open to dating if it happens to present itself.

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