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Thread: Sharing a bed with opposite sex friend

  1. #1
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    Sharing a bed with opposite sex friend

    A bit of background info: my boyfriend and I are both 20, have been together since we were 16. I am his girlfriend, kiss, etc. He is my first serious relationship. We go to different universities and are currently LD (even though it's summer, he is in a co-op program where he works for 4 months and then goes to school for 4 months and right now he is at school while I am home for the summer).

    Yesterday he went to go watch a badminton tournament at a club near his university, a lot of his friends were playing, including his best girl friend, Kate, and best guy friend, Ian. One of his other friends, Dan (who is on his work term right now, and not at school with them) drove down to play in the tournament but it ran later than expected and ended at 12:30am. The 4 of them (boyfriend, Kate, Ian and Dan) went out to eat afterwards since the tournament started at 5pm and they had not eaten since then and it was late by that time so Dan decided not to drive back and crash at a hotel. My boyfriend, Kate and Ian decided to stay with him so he wouldn't have to pay so much for the hotel (none of them had a couch/spare bed to offer him) and the only room available was a room with 2 queen beds.

    Dan has a stomach problem..very gassy guy and so nobody wanted to sleep on the same bed as him. They drew straws and Ian lost so my boyfriend slept in the same bed as Kate. They are best friends and I trust him that nothing happened etc because he really sees her as a guy, he calls her "dude" and I've met her and seen them interact. Conversations between them are always scattered with "man/bro/dude" etc. Plus it was a queen bed so it's not like they were forced to cuddle up.

    My boyfriend told me all of this today when he got back home and my first reaction was "whaaa" because we'd always said sleeping with someone of the opposite sex that wasn't your SO was kinda weird but then I thought about it and since it was Kate, it was no big deal. But then I thought MORE about it..and I thought to myself that if it was me in that situation, I definitely would've taken the bed with the girl rather than share a bed with a guy (even if he was my best friend and we were purely platonic).

    Now I feel like my boyfriend doesn't "respect" our relationship as I do, I think his thought process is that he knows that his intentions are pure so it's fine. It's not so much that he shared a bed with Kate that bothers me as the fact that he didn't consider that he has a girlfriend. Am I overreacting?

    Apologies for the length!
    Last edited by SocialStigma; 05-30-2010 at 07:20 PM. Reason: typo

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DrKitten's Avatar
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    Since he was open to you about it, plus the fact that you've met her and know how she interacts with your boyfriend, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Just let him know that it makes you somewhat uncomfortable and tell him what you would do in the same situation. I don't think its unreasonable to ask not to let it happen again, and just leave it at that.
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    Personally I would not share a bed with anyone that was not my SO. I would have much rather slept on the floor out of respect for my SO.

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    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrKitten View Post
    Since he was open to you about it, plus the fact that you've met her and know how she interacts with your boyfriend, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Just let him know that it makes you somewhat uncomfortable and tell him what you would do in the same situation. I don't think its unreasonable to ask not to let it happen again, and just leave it at that.
    I agree with this.

    I was put in the exact situation as you. My guys best friend is a girl and she is like one of the guys. I met her and she's really nice and they'd never had a history of dating or anything like that. He was also honest with me about it. At first it didn't bother me, then it kind of felt weird so I told him next time it would be better if they didn't share a bed. That was it.
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    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    I think if your first reaction was not to think much of it, then you shouldn't look for problems where they don't exist.

    It's not like they went to sleep in a hotel room together. He was with a group of friends. What if all 3 of the guys had girlfriends? Do you think they should have all slept in the same bed, and Kate a bed to herself?

    Personally, if I already knew the girl, and I thought she was cool, then I wouldn't have a problem with it.
    "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner." ~Max Lucado

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    Platinum Member arcadefire's Avatar
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    I agree that it's weird that he slept in the same bed as his female friend. Since you feel uncomfortable about this, you should bring it up to him and tell him that although you trust him, you don't feel like he respected you by sharing the same bed with another woman.
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    Thanks for the replies everyone.

    I told him that I wasn't mad and believed that nothing happened but in the future, I would prefer it if he didn't share beds with other girls. He apologized and said it won't happen again, and that had it been a bed smaller than a queen, he definitely wouldn't have shared it with Kate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DrKitten View Post
    Since he was open to you about it, plus the fact that you've met her and know how she interacts with your boyfriend, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Just let him know that it makes you somewhat uncomfortable and tell him what you would do in the same situation. I don't think its unreasonable to ask not to let it happen again, and just leave it at that.
    same thoughts with here.

    the best way in a relationship is a good communication

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