Would you consider this clingy or holding on too tight?

I sent an email to my GF of 3 (we say I love you to each other) months that I was leaving work and was going to the gym. This was a Wednesday and we had already spent the weekend together along with Monday.

Roughly 20 minutes later as I'm approaching the gym, she texts me and asks if we are going to work out together (she lives 25 minutes away and we would work out in her apartment).

I was apprehensive in responding because we hadn't made plans to work out that day and I already sent her the email that I was going to go work out.

I eventually told her that I'm just going to work out at the gym since we didn't plan it and I was getting close to getting hungry.

She finally accepted my answer but was offended that I didn't change my plan to not work out with her.

Why couldn't she have accepted my answer to not work out with her? We spend every weekend together and some week days as well, so it's not as if we never get to see each other. Also, since we were in the I love you stage, couldn't she just have understood and not be offended and understand I still loved her and cared for her?

Don't think about it too much. She was probably just disappointed cuz she wanted to see you. don't analyze it just let it go.

The reason I ask is because we broke up and she accused me of being clingy. She said she was pulling away because she thought I was holding on too tight.

I wouldn't say clingy necessarily but it makes me wonder if she's got a princess attitude and believes you should drop everything to see her. Saying I love you has nothing to do with it. She could love you, but still believe herself to be the center of the universe and be offended if you don't change your plans to please her.

Of course, it could be that she just wanted to see you and was bummed you already had plans. If she wasn't making a huge deal of it, don't sweat it.

Sounds like there could have been some mis-communication too. I'm curious, why did you email her that you were going to the gym? Why not a call or text? People don't usually get to their email right away. It sounds like she just might've not checked hers yet.

Edit: Just saw your post above mine. That makes no sense and sounds awfully immature on her part. I'd say cut your losses dude.

 

Of course, it could be that she just wanted to see you and was bummed you already had plans. If she wasn't making a huge deal of it, don't sweat it.

 

Sounds like there could have been some mis-communication too. I'm curious, why did you email her that you were going to the gym? Why not a call or text? People don't usually get to their email right away. It sounds like she just might've not checked hers yet.

She did bring it up in one of the reasons we broke up. So to her, it was a big deal because she couldn't understand why I couldn't just drop my plans. She said I could have gotten to her place by 7 or 7:30.

She has a blackberry so she should have gotten the email just as fast.

She also has said that she is a very sensitive person.

That is the other thing that offended me was I felt I had to drop my plans to see her when we had already spent a lot of time together. ALSO, one of the reasons she cited as breaking up was that she didn't have enough time to herself so I didn't want to come over because I didn't want to spend all my time with her, I wanted to give her some space.

I agree with blue skittles... don't read into it too muchh....she really likes ya.... she was dissapointed. i think if you're puzzled.. there may be more clues you could divulge? huh? huh?

cause given the information.. she accused you of being clingy when in fact it was her acting that way also???? maybe you love each other... as dr kitty said.. but it's not hard to love someone..but to communicate and treat someone with respect seems to be hard for some.

"Sounds like there could have been some mis-communication too" right on, drkitty.

seems like an easy one you could talk to each other about.

but in light of your last post, she sounds a little impossible and not very understanding.. sounds rather self righteous. It's common sense dudes dont like clingy chics... so it's surprising that she would kick up any sort of fuss over you not coming over there to work out... cause even at 3 month stage.. usually you still want to impress the person.. and appear normal... and clearly.. she aint!!!! she couldn't even pretend to be for a little bit longer????

Even this would not have bothered me, and I am pretty sensitive. She is overreacting.

She may still like me but she broke up with me with one of the reasons I am clingy. And this example was one instance that she brought as one of her reasons for breaking up.

She did bring it up in one of the reasons we broke up. So to her, it was a big deal because she couldn't understand why I couldn't just drop my plans. She said I could have gotten to her place by 7 or 7:30.

 

She has a blackberry so she should have gotten the email just as fast.

 

She also has said that she is a very sensitive person.

 

That is the other thing that offended me was I felt I had to drop my plans to see her when we had already spent a lot of time together. ALSO, one of the reasons she cited as breaking up was that she didn't have enough time to herself so I didn't want to come over because I didn't want to spend all my time with her, I wanted to give her some space.

1. She doesn't own you. If you make plans you have no obligation to drop them for her.

2. She can't whine about needing space and then throw a fit when you don't jump at her beck and call. These two totally contradict each other, and are just unreasonable and selfish.

I'd say she did you a favor by breaking up with you.

1. She doesn't own you. If you make plans you have no obligation to drop them for her.

 

2. She can't whine about needing space and then throw a fit when you don't jump at her beck and call. These two totally contradict each other, and are just unreasonable and selfish.

 

I'd say she did you a favor by breaking up with you.

THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!

1) Yes, I can understand that she can get hurt but I wasn't under any obligation to drop my plans because she wanted to see me right then and there.

2) Yes, when I brought this up as a contradiction, she just agreed, "yes it is." Another example of that was when I made plans to spend it with my best friend. I MADE the effort to do something with my friend and yet, she didn't herself.

I'm starting to realize that she is NOT the girl for me as she said.

Good for you. Find a girl who hasn't got her head in the clouds.

It's not clingy, she's just upset that you wouldn't agree with her.

Ok, so she is saying that you are too clingy yet she wanted you to instantly drop your plans to meet her needs? Big RED flag here. She must like playing games. Don't feed into her selfish behaviors. Obviously she has some issues with relationships if you guys broke up. I mean, everyone does but this happens to be her reason. She wants what she wants and if she doesn't get it she reacts like an erratic person with the silly txts, phone calls, and emails, trying to make you feel guilty. But, I bet when she wants her space you give it to her and without reacting negatively like it's the end of the world. She must not be comfortable being alone.

...it might be a good idea to address her with these things...she might need someone to give it to her straight up and be honest....if I was her, I would want someone to let me know if my behavior was affecting my relationships. It always gives me a warm feeling to receive advice from someone who cares. She might need this.

Not saying you should get back with her, but maybe she needs someone to sit down with her and tell her that she over reacts to the most silliest things. That is a sure fire way to push someone away.....it already happened.

But, I bet when she wants her space you give it to her and without reacting negatively like it's the end of the world. She must not be comfortable being alone.

 

At the risk of losing my credibility, but I feel that I did act clingy last week. Let me hear your opinions. I was supposed to go to her place and leave here around 3pm. I get a text from her: "I'm feeling kind of funky and think I just want to be myself tonight."

Here's the situation, I was going to go the pool with her, her best friend and her best friend's husband. I didn't understand because if she wanted to be by herself, why was she still entertaining guests. I got offended and confused and didn't understand why should I go over there and hang out with friends when she really wanted to be herself. She said I didn't have to leave right away which confused me even more. I thought, "she just wants to sleep by herself tonight?" My argument was if I had told her at the last minute that I didn't want her to spend the night, she would have gotten offended as well.

When she agreed to have me spend the night somehow, she was being affectionate and being very nice by bringing me beers and saying she was sorry she hurt my feelings. I came accross as looking insecure.

I realize now that I reacted improperly and overreacted. I didn't fully understand how upset she was feeling because she used the word "funky" and didn't fully convey to me how upset she was feeling but didn't understand why she was feeling so emotional. This is something I work on in my next relationship.

That would probably be the best solution "to work on it". Sometimes we react to certain situations based on our own upbringing. Maybe you had an insecure relationship with one of your parents? Idk, I'm going on about something that is irrelevant.

That would probably be the best solution "to work on it". Sometimes we react to certain situations based on our own upbringing. Maybe you had an insecure relationship with one of your parents? Idk, I'm going on about something that is irrelevant.

No, I agree. It was something I addressed to her that I have my own insecurities to work on. I reacted badly but I thought it would be a one-off situation and I would have reacted differently the next time. Her friend told me she was crying at the pool but I didn't hear that from my GF. She didn't want to admit to me how emotional she was. She said "I don't want you to see me act this way." Basically, she said she didn't want me to see her in a bad mood. She never wanted me to see her "bad" side. She kept it hidden, hence the word "funky."

No, I agree. It was something I addressed to her that I have my own insecurities to work on. I reacted badly but I thought it would be a one-off situation and I would have reacted differently the next time. Her friend told me she was crying at the pool but I didn't hear that from my GF. She didn't want to admit to me how emotional she was. She said "I don't want you to see me act this way." Basically, she said she didn't want me to see her in a bad mood. She never wanted me to see her "bad" side. She kept it hidden, hence the word "funky."

Aww, what was wrong with her? What made her cry?

I'm not really sure. She was feeling very emotional because of PMS but I don't know if she cried after our conversation or before. I reacted by saying what's the point of me coming over to the BBQ when you want to be alone. If you want to be alone, why would you want to be with your friends.

Like I said, I didn't know she cried until her best friend told me after the fact. If I had know she was feeling THAT emotional, I would have been more sympathetic.