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Thread: Introverts

  1. #1
    Gold Member milkandhoney's Avatar
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    Introverts

    Yes, I know that not all introverts are shy, but I thought this would be the best place to post this.

    I am extremely introverted and often shy, though I do enjoy others company and meeting new people. I do extremely well with 1 on 1 conversations or small groups, yet get very overwhelmed in a large group or somewhere where there is lots of activity or noise. I tend to only like to go out and be social once or twice a week. I may hang out with a good friend more than that, but like to stay home the majority of the time. It takes me a long time by myself to "recharge".

    The interesting thing, is that when I've been in a relationship, I didn't need to "recharge" from my boyfriends. I always loved and appreciated their company and never felt the need to step away or be by myself because it got too overwhelming. My first boyfriend was more or an introvert, my most recent was more of an extrovert. He liked going out a lot, having people over a lot, etc.

    First of all, to all the introverts out there... I'm wondering, have you found that you are similar to me in that you didnt really feel introverted around your significant other and didnt need to recharge like with other people and other situations?

    Also, I think I may be interested in dating someone who is more introverted like me this time around. i really appreciate a queit meal at home, a good movie on the couch, reading a book in the same room as someone else, etc most of the time. I think I'd like to spend time with someone who was more of a homebody and only liked to go out every once in a while, since that is how I usually am. The thing is, you usually meet guys at social events, and thats not usually where most of the introverts hang out. So what would be the best way to find guys like me?

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  3. #2
    Platinum Member WomanWriter's Avatar
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    My ex fiance was an introvert (like us) and I found that I never felt a need to be away from him. His presence didn't drain me (unless we were arguing).

    But with my current ex, I do feel drained (we are still friends). I like hanging with him for a couple hours, then I want to go home. He is an extrovert and has no limit to the amount of time he can spend gabbing and doing social activities.

    I think that, as a general rule, it is easier for introverts to hang out with other introverts because there is less activity and there is a time limit. My girlfriends are introverts and I don't feel pressured with them. We just go out for an outing and come home. With extroverts, you never know when it's going to be over so I think there is a sense of a lack of control or expectation. For me, that causes anxiety.

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    Platinum Member Blue Spiral's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    So what would be the best way to find guys like me?
    Probably online, he said self-servingly.

    I'm also an introvert...social interaction of any kind exhausts me, and my reclusive ways haven't exactly made me an ideal candidate for a relationship.
    “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”--Nietzsche

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    Gold Member marshmlofluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    First of all, to all the introverts out there... I'm wondering, have you found that you are similar to me in that you didnt really feel introverted around your significant other and didnt need to recharge like with other people and other situations?
    If the relationship was LDR or something, and I did not get to spend with him quite as much time as I would have liked, or if he held back and loved me a little less than I loved him, I felt the opposite of needing to recharge; I used to long for him, and feel lonely, after he had left.

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    OP, I'm a guy, but I could have written this. I don't like being around lots of people, either, and prefer my alone time. I also connect better with other introverts, because I feel like there's not all this pressure on me to 'conform' to their nonsensical (at times) babbling.

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    Gold Member milkandhoney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Spiral View Post
    Probably online, he said self-servingly.

    I'm also an introvert...social interaction of any kind exhausts me, and my reclusive ways haven't exactly made me an ideal candidate for a relationship.
    You are probably right about the online thing... the only other thing I can think of is maybe through friends of friends or work or something... I have been going to activities and classes and parties and stuff, trying to get to know people, but maybe that's my problem... the kind of guy i am looking for isn't at these places.

    I'm not really digging the online thing, so I'm not sure what to do.

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    Platinum Member teabee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    First of all, to all the introverts out there... I'm wondering, have you found that you are similar to me in that you didnt really feel introverted around your significant other and didnt need to recharge like with other people and other situations?
    This is how I am too milkandhoney. My bf is one of the few people around whom I can be 100% myself. After days with him, I'm not exhausted and itching for space and silence like I would be with even some of my really close friends. I've said that to him before: "Being with you is like being alone," and that really means something important as most introverts would know. It's such a freeing, comfy feeling to feel like that with someone. I don't need to recharge from him and I don't need much time from him specifically, but I DO still need time completely alone if I'm stressed and busy. I think if he and I move in together, I will still quite value those times when he's out and I'm in alone for a bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    Also, I think I may be interested in dating someone who is more introverted like me this time around. i really appreciate a queit meal at home, a good movie on the couch, reading a book in the same room as someone else, etc most of the time. I think I'd like to spend time with someone who was more of a homebody and only liked to go out every once in a while, since that is how I usually am. The thing is, you usually meet guys at social events, and thats not usually where most of the introverts hang out. So what would be the best way to find guys like me?
    Again, I feel you here. I really appreciate the compatibility that I have with my bf in this respect--our perfect evening is staying home with food and movies. I understand why you'd want someone who matches with you on that level. The thing is, introverts still have to leave their houses. I would certainly not say the internet is the only/best place to find an introvert. One thing I'd suggest is to make a habit of being friendly and talking casually to people when you're out and about. Grocery stores, classes, any place you frequent regularly. Talk to cute employees at the mall, etc. etc. (introverts still need to get jobs).

    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    You are probably right about the online thing... the only other thing I can think of is maybe through friends of friends or work or something... I have been going to activities and classes and parties and stuff, trying to get to know people, but maybe that's my problem... the kind of guy i am looking for isn't at these places.

    I'm not really digging the online thing, so I'm not sure what to do.
    No, I don't believe that.
    edit to say: lots of people are introverts and you'd never know it. There are different levels of introvertedness for one thing: my bf is around people all day long for his job, and he loves it. But in his free time he wants to chill with me, not go out and continue to be social. So you are likely to find introverts in every group of people you encounter.

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    First of all, to all the introverts out there... I'm wondering, have you found that you are similar to me in that you didnt really feel introverted around your significant other and didnt need to recharge like with other people and other situations?
    This changed for me over time, when I was with my first introvert girlfriend she always wanted to be with me, and I had just moved into my own apartment and everything was great, until I started feeling smothered, I wanted my freedom. I was young and was finally free of my parents and wanted time to myself. Since I have been alone for 3 years I'm sick of it haha, it has all changed and I wish I hadn't made the mistakes I made pushing her away. So I think this can change for people over time.

    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    You are probably right about the online thing... the only other thing I can think of is maybe through friends of friends or work or something... I have been going to activities and classes and parties and stuff, trying to get to know people, but maybe that's my problem... the kind of guy i am looking for isn't at these places.

    I'm not really digging the online thing, so I'm not sure what to do.
    The online scene is good when people respond, it just digs you deeper into the hole when you see someone you sent a message to view you and then not say anything. I'm not a big party goer and I don't get out much, and I have exhausted the online avenue, it seems to be a waste of time really.

  10. #9
    Gold Member AuthenticAuthor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney View Post
    First of all, to all the introverts out there... I'm wondering, have you found that you are similar to me in that you didnt really feel introverted around your significant other and didnt need to recharge like with other people and other situations?
    Absolutely yes. And it makes plenty of sense. Extroversion and Introversion are not really clear and cut categories but more like different speeds. Once you find someone who shares the same speed as you do, it just feels right and natural. Its not as if you never become exhausted with your significant other; you just don't feel so alienated as you were before because now someone is moving at your own pace. Your perspectives have reached a common ground.
    -I am the unchained animal who dares to stare at his creator's face.

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