My friend is sometimes a mean drunk...
One of my best friends gets a little mean when she starts drinking. And Iím finding that now sometimes I dread going out because I donít want her to be mean to me.
Whenever we go out and I plan on getting drunk I drink rum, I usually bring a little mickey of rum and drink about half of it. When I drink half a mickey I get pretty drunk but not so drunk that the room starts to spin and I get sick.
So whenever I say that Iím going to get drunk and I bring my rum she always gets on my case about how much Iím drinking and saying that itís not enough and sheíll start calling me names and making me feel bad. She always says things like ďIíve had ___ beers and youíve only had half your rumĒ and while I try to explain to her that beer is only about 5% alcohol and what Iím drinking is 40% is makes no difference.
I donít know what to do, I told her once when we were sober to stop calling me names and telling me to drink more when weíre drinking but she still does it anyway. Itís like she just canít help it. I find myself drinking more and sometimes making myself sick just because I donít want a confrontation from her and Iíve even had to go into the bathroom and pour out some of my rum so that itíll look like Iíve had more to drink then I have.
I know that she probably doesnít even realize sheís being mean when she does it; sheís just trying to get me to drink more because she thinks weíll have more fun then but I know what my limit is and I donít want to have to drink more to avoid confrontations with her like that. Iím afraid to say something but I guess if this continues Iím going to have to. What should I say and how should I word it? I donít want her to feel like Iím attacking her.
Well... she's attacking YOU...
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, It is because we do not dare that they are difficult. (Seneca)
Send her this post.
If she doesn't change after that just stop drinking with her. If she asks why reminder about this post. Sometimes when things are written out they are clearer.
"I know that she probably doesn’t even realize she’s being mean when she does it; she’s just trying to get me to drink more because she thinks we’ll have more fun then but I know what my limit is and I don’t want to have to drink more to avoid confrontations with her like t"
well, she is achieving the opposite of her 'fun goal'. You are getting sick (not fun) and your feelings are getting hurt (def. not fun!!)
be really explicit with her, but not confrontational. something along the lines of
"you probably don't even realize it, but you really hurt my feelings when you act this way"
or tell her "trust me, i'm drunk. i know my body"
or find activities to do together that don't involve drinking.
Today, 01:35 AM
I would be honest, not confrontational, but still be serious. Say something like "When you get drunk, you can be a bit pushy and mean by calling me names. I know my own limit. I'd like to have fun when I drink with you, not having to get sick because you think I can drink more. If you could be less pushy when we drink together, I think we'd both have more fun." Or something along the lines of that.
If she pouts and starts drama, just forget it. I have a couple friends like those so I make an effort to never drink with them. It gets old really fast and I don't need to put up with it. All it takes is an ounce of courage to stand up to them and let them know whats going on. Perhaps your friend just doesn't know how obnoxious she's being. Set her straight and see how it goes next time.
I hate labels, but it sure sounds to me like you friend has a drinking problem. Alcoholics will spur people on to drink more not because they think it'll lead to more fun, but so that no one realizes just how much they drink!
She needs to hear what her behavior is like when she drinks. She needs this feedback. I am sure you can find a tactful way to express your concern, yet set a firm boundary.
She knows she's being mean. You're excusing the fact that she doesn't? Also, she has issues with alcohol and probably shouldn't be drinking. If your personality changes when you drink, you shouldn't be drinking.
Oh my God, wait and see
What will soon become of me
This frozen heart
And screaming wheels
Does that screaming come from me?
I'm so damn lucky
That you went on ahead...
She may not know she is being mean. She could be in a blackout or truly not able to see her own behavior.
Originally Posted by cazmoore
At any rate, she needs to get clued in that the way she gets when she drinks is not fun to be around.