Hi guys, hereís my situation, hopefully some of you will relate to this and could provide me with some words of wisdom or advice to deal with this.
Iím 28 years old, Iíve been living with my partner for 5 years and we have an 8 month old baby daughter.
My spouse is just oh so negative all the time. At first, I thought it was hormones due to having given birth and letting the body return to a ďnormalĒ state. I donít think itís the hormones anymore. Then, I thought it was the fact that I had went back to work after my parental leave and that she would be a stay-at-home mom for the next couple of monthts. No, not that either, because itís all about the baby and she truly loves every second she spends with our child, in fact, she doesnít want to go back to work. Then, more recently, I thought it was me, the problem. So I took a step back to objectively analyze the situation, and I came to the conclusion that .. Iím a pretty good guy, a good dad and a good partner. I donít drink, I donít go out very often because I want to spend time with my child AND with my partner once the baby has been put to bed, I have a flexible work schedule so I can accommodate family priorities, I do chores, Iím a positive person around the house because I want to have a positive, pleasant vibe in the home. Anyway, yes, I may biased, maybe Iím not seeing something, but Iím not so sure.
So, Iím at the point right now where I think that she is just a negative person because thatís her personnality. She never misses a chance to criticize me or anything that is related to me (i.e. a friend), she never admits her own faults and mistakes, she never sincerely apologizes for .. well anything .., she doesnít seem to even realize that sometimes Iím hurt or that she has disrespected me .. Itís almost as if she doesnít care .. She doesnít make any effort whatsoever to change, to rectify a situation, to apologize, etc.
And the worst part of this .. is that she never talks about it. Sheís always like ďNo, itís fineĒ and ďUh huh, okĒ .. She never wants to tackle a conflict straight up and talk about it, deal with it .. to me, this is not normal. She also doesnít want to seek help .. so forget doctors and psychologists and therapists .. she doesnít need help, she says. Again, this behaviour is not normal. Itís almost as if, she wants to be miserable, she wants to be unhappy, she wants to be a victim of lifeís unfortunate events .. and she wants everyone around to know this. Basically, she doesnít try to change things, make things better, find a way to get rid of this moodiness .. she suffers in silence .. and thatís where she and I are different.
But the baby is her pride and joy, you could never tell that sheís negative when sheís with the baby, and rightfully so. The baby doesnít deserve to have her parents argue over crap. I also think that my spouse takes me for granted, that I will always be there .. but she treats me like s*** sometimes and doesnít even realize it. And then she starts talking about OUR next child. Well, Iíll have to think about that. I mean, I do want a second child, but she better change or somethingís gotta change.
Before you say itís probably the baby that has changed the dynamic of our couple, I donít think that this is what caused all of this. Weíve been having these fussy moments before birth and I managed to hang in there by ALWAYS making the first steps, apologizing for everything, taking the blame all the time .. Now, I donít have the energy to do that, so I let it slide, it doesnít affect me.
Anyone relate to this? Any advice? Is separation an option? I know this would be terrible for our child, especially when she gets older, but I have to think of myself in this .. my spouse is wearing me down and Iím becoming unhappy.
Thanks for reading through this.