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So, your boyfriend wants you to talk dirty.


cazmoore

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My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him. When we're having sex, he talks dirty to me and it turns me on and I love it, although, I have a hard time doing it in return. I never have done it. The funny thing is, we have a great sex life and we both like experimenting and trying different things to keep our sex exciting, but with THIS, I have hit a complete wall.

 

The annoying part is, is when we're having sex he says to me "say something dirty" and this is to make him climax.. and I'm totally stuck thinking "WHY can't I SAY something?".

 

What bugs me too.. is that I'm having sex, in the moment and he puts me on the spot by doing that and I kinda get annoyed. The last time that happened, I couldn't have an orgasm because I was distracted and I told him that putting me on the spot like that ruins the mood for me. If anything, lets try the dirty talk before it gets down to us being naked so I could gradually work my way up. I don't know. I tried looking for stuff online, but I'm not sure if it's just something some people do it and it comes naturally to them or what. I think when I start talking like that, I feel a little funny and embarrassed and I want to laugh. For those that do it, do you have any advice? I think my sexual vocabulary is very limited, too... so I worry about repeating the same things over again and stuttering... haha.

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The best advice for talking dirty is to practice when you are alone. Figure out what he likes and what would blow his mind. Think of it now, and practice it, so that when he asks you can blow him away and not distract yourself.

 

For example, I love dirty talk. And I know what my (I will use my ex as an example) partner likes. I would say..."fill my pretty little pink hole with your hot cum"...or "oh, I want to feel all that hot cream inside of me"....or "I can feel every single inch of your penis (use the c word here instead of penis) sliding in and out of me".

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I can totally relate to this, I think it is common. Being put on the spot really does halt things and makes it even more difficult to get in that mode. I agree with practicing, maybe try saying things on the phone first just to be playful.

 

Once you're comfortable saying the things, you can get comfortable in the moment.

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Urgh....feel like a bit of a perv saying this....

 

What turns me on is hearing what they like and the thoughts of what they like getting done to them.

Their own personal turn ons and fantasies.

 

Saying it in the way you would create an image in their mind.

 

Also talking about certain things which had been done in the past which you and your partner did.

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Urgh....feel like a bit of a perv saying this....

 

What turns me on is hearing what they like and the thoughts of what they like getting done to them.

Their own personal turn ons and fantasies.

 

Saying it in the way you would create an image in their mind.

 

Also talking about certain things which had been done in the past which you and your partner did.

 

 

No, no. That's not pervy at all. I don't really think there's any right or wrongs as far as sex goes.

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I think a lot of this comes down to how so many of us still see sex as dirty/shameful. That's the message that we hear while growing up. Heck, that's where the phrase "talk dirty" comes from.

 

To get passed this, I think you'd need to start seeing sex for what it is. As not dirty, as natural, as something that adults enjoy to get closer to each other. Once you genuinely see sex that way and think of it that way I think the natural aversion will go away.

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I think a lot of this comes down to how so many of us still see sex as dirty/shameful. That's the message that we hear while growing up. Heck, that's where the phrase "talk dirty" comes from.

 

To get passed this, I think you'd need to start seeing sex for what it is. As not dirty, as natural, as something that adults enjoy to get closer to each other. Once you genuinely see sex that way and think of it that way I think the natural aversion will go away.

 

Well, I don't see sex as dirty at all, ever. There's nothing I'm embarrassed about as far as it goes with being physical, and I have no shame putting my face anywhere and getting down with whatever. I guess it's almost just like stage fright or something.. I'm not sure what else I would call it other than 'dirty talk'? I just wanna be part of the action without feeling silly and wonder what ways I can over come it...

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Well, I don't see sex as dirty at all, ever. There's nothing I'm embarrassed about as far as it goes with being physical, and I have no shame putting my face anywhere and getting down with whatever. I guess it's almost just like stage fright or something.. I'm not sure what else I would call it other than 'dirty talk'? I just wanna be part of the action without feeling silly and wonder what ways I can over come it...

 

I'm not saying you consciously think it's dirty. I'm saying it's likely that you subconsciously do, such that you still have a mental aversion to speaking about sexual acts without freezing up.

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I'm not saying you consciously think it's dirty. I'm saying it's likely that you subconsciously do, such that you still have a mental aversion to speaking about sexual acts without freezing up.

 

yeah... you're probably right, cause why else would I feel funny about it.

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Well, I don't see sex as dirty at all, ever. There's nothing I'm embarrassed about as far as it goes with being physical, and I have no shame putting my face anywhere and getting down with whatever. I guess it's almost just like stage fright or something.. I'm not sure what else I would call it other than 'dirty talk'? I just wanna be part of the action without feeling silly and wonder what ways I can over come it...

 

Truly, "dirty talk" is much different than physical kinky-ness because it is acting. When we are aroused, it is physically, not all of us are prone to wanting to spew porn scripts as a result of a physiological stimuli. It can be very hot and a great supplement to sex, but I don't think your nervousness about it implies in any way that you're ashamed or subconsciously embarrassed by something.

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IMO, dirty talk is all about the way you say things rather than what you actually say. Saying things like 'I want your warm cream all over my pink (INSERT ANY WORD FOR VAGINA)' sounds corny, and would make me laugh more than anything. One of the simplest ways to start off dirty talk is claiming ownership of genitals. Things like 'Whose (INSERT ANY WORD FOR VAGINA) is that you are (INSERT DIRTY WORD FOR INTERCOURSE)?' If he says yours, you say 'No baby...thats your p***y you're fu**ing' or 'Well make it yours baby and f*** it a little harder'. If he says its his, then say things like 'Yeah baby, all yours...nobody f***s it like you do' or anything else that reinforces how much you enjoy sex with him. Of course all this with little moans and groans and heavy breathing makes it all dirty. You can say things like 'Faster baby!' or 'Harder baby' and if you say it with the right moans in between all of it, you should get him extremely aroused. Boost his ego in bed, and he will either accept this as dirty talk, or stop asking you for it.

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I feel the same way, like when i first started having sex i would not say a word...now that i have had my girlfriend make me feel confortable with things....i can easily say things...not so much like super dirty but like...

 

yeah baby harder....

 

F**k me....

 

F**k yeah...that feels good

 

harder harder yeah...

 

you make me feel so good....

 

stuff like this. now it seems to come easy but I think the key is you gotta feel it, and that makes it easy to say it, rather then for your partner to ask you to say something. make sense? sometimes instead of saying things moaning hard will make them cum super fast!

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sometimes instead of saying things moaning hard will make them cum super fast!

 

This is what gets me off during sex. A woman's moans. Whether its my name or gibberish she is moaning, the moaning is what does the trick. I get off knowing that she is being pleased.

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I think my sexual vocabulary is very limited, too... so I worry about repeating the same things over again and stuttering... haha.

I'm pretty sure my SO is convinced of the same thing. But you're forgetting that repeating something AWESOME is still very nice.

 

Something my lady does that always gets me is she will say somewhat normal things "You like that baby?" "*&^$ my &**^$ with your ^#_@^" and then out of nowhere say something completely rolling in the mud without a shower for a month filthy. Something so incredibly out of character and so awful(in a good way) that is blows my mind. So an idea might be to have a filthy phrase on the ready for when you start to feel like you are running out of sexy things to say. He will be reeling from what you said and it will give you time to think of more.

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yeah... you're probably right, cause why else would I feel funny about it.

 

For me I had problems doing dirty talk because I had self image problems. I have put on weight in the last few years and although my boyfriend sees me as sexy and hot, I didn't see myself that way. In order to talk dirty you have to FEEL sexy, it's a very mental thing I believe.

 

I'm not even sure what put me over that threshold finally. One day I just blurted something dirty out and got positive feedback from him and it's been a rolling ball ever since.

 

I do agree that he shouldn't put you on the spot there. That is a mood killer quicker then anything else, feeling distracted and annoyed. One day during foreplay I'd throw some in and see what happens. Let him know you don't want to start off with it during sex, work your way up.

 

So what if you laugh during it? Sex isn't suppose to be all serious, it's suppose to be fun! When I'm nervous I burst out into a fit giggles like crazy, even during intimate moments. At the end of the day you have to be comfortable enough to laugh at yourself and have a partner that laughs WITH you, not at you.

 

I think the best place to start out would be telling him what you want him to do to you. Even if it's not in true dirty detail, just SAYING it will get him aroused, and tell him what you will do to him. Think of it as sexting. You can't physcially show how much you want that person, you have to describe what you'd do to them.

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Great thread. I've always had trouble with this one too. I don't think sex is dirty at all, and I agree that if done well, dirty talk can be a real turn on. Most of my SO's have always enjoyed it to varying degrees.

 

My issue always reminds me of that episode of "Seinfeld." Finding the right thing to say makes me start to think too much and lose the moment. "I love you" is too lame, so my mind switches to things like "c*nt, wh*re, sl*t," and that's TOO much. That's when my mind starts thinking about things in between and then I almost forget what I'm doing. There are some great ideas in the posts. Keep them coming.

 

Porno talk, well, I think most mainstream porn in general is ridiculous to begin with - I won't go there.

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The kind of dirty talk he wants is like, porn dirty talk. Like I talk and will tell him to put his c*** here, and there, and do this to me, but he wants me to do the dirty talk when we're having sex like "Oh baby, your c*** is so huge" and talking about where I "can't wait for him to come on (insert any body part here)" but I often find he's having sex with me and I'm in the moment, ready to O with my eyes closed and all I hear is "How's my c**k?", "OohhHHhhhH....big?" like, I'm awkward 9/10 saying that. And yeah I'm not like ashamed about what I'm doing, like we're pretty kinky, (although there's no golden showers are HOT CARLS) but we have sex often, anal often, and everything else you can pretty much imagine seeing in porn, I like doing and sometimes we go to the sex shop at least once every 2 months and last month we bought 'Entourage' (laugh!) and all the characters were in it but porn stars (maybe next we'll get 'Cheers'). We sometime watch porn together and have sex but as far as the dirty talk, I think it's more like, he wants me to say what I want him to do to me like the broads in porn.

 

It's funny, in our relationship I'd say that he wears the pants, not that I'm a push over, but he's the one out the both of us with a stronger personality. BUT... in BED, he wants me to do everything, and get on top and tell him what to do to me or do things to him. It's complete role reversal. So he wants me to take charge when I'm just not that use to it. I find he gets off faster when Im the one that takes control or he gets generally more excited... but i guess any guy would get excited if their girlfriend is alway trying trying to put her hand down his pants.

 

But anyway guys, thanks for all the replies, this is awesome.

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Mmmmmk, what is a hot carl???

 

There are some words I just can't say and won't because I find it vulgar, and one of them is c*nt. Just no. No. No. No. No. No. For talk like that you have to be comfortable with the person and in doing it.. if you falter for even a second you won't be able to. Maybe you can work your way up there one day.

 

So he kind of sounds like he wants reassurance from you that a) he is doing a good job OR b) that he has an azmaing C*ock.

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So...is it...

 

1. You don't like to talk during sex and/or find it distracting?

2. You don't like the level of dirty he likes?

3. You don't like being asked, and feel put on the spot or forced to perform?

 

I can't blame you if it's 3. No fun. Asking "how's my c**k" kind of screams no self esteem. Big turn off. If it's more 1 or 2, maybe if you could say something before he asks - something you're comfortable with - like "you feel so good...don't stop." Or when you're ready to O, tell him "you're going to make me cum." If you do it before he asks, that should eliminate any 3 factor for you and help to satisfy his ego. If he likes you to be more in charge in bed and wants the "she can't keep her hands off of me" feeling, it might not take that much if you take a proactive approach. Just search for the words and timing you're comfortable with.

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You might've just helped me figure out what's going on with my guy, thanks!! He's very into pleasing me, so likes it when I moan or say stuff that shows I appreciate what he's doing, but when I ask if he likes it, he inadvertently insults me ("I'm a guy honey, of course I like it" or "It all feels good to me" make me feel like it's not about ME at all). Maybe he's as uncomfortable as you are.

 

He has made an effort lately to talk to me on the phone or send texts about what we're going to do. We haven't gotten all the way there yet, but I hope we'll be able to move this talk closer and closer to the action.

 

What helps me is to think about what words I want to use ahead of time, so I'm not puzzling over the socio-linguistic ramifications of saying "p-----" when he's ramming mine. I tend to use language that, if it's embarrassing at all, is embarrassingly tame for the situation, like "oh, yes please, yes please, yes please!" or "I love it that you know just how to do that for me". I'll never get to be a porn start that way, but I don't wanna be one, just want my guy to know I like it--with him.

 

Hope that helps.

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It embarrasses me a little bit too because I feel like I sound stupid and that it's a little bit unnatural. When my bf talks dirty, I like it, but sometimes I have to keep myself from laughing too lol.

 

You could just talk about how you're feeling, how horny you are, how much you want him... things like that. Just start small and you'll start gaining more confidence.

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