Is it wrong to NEVER want children?

I'm putting out there: I don't want kids. I never have.

Why can't people just accept it when people say that??

It's not even about freedom or things like that. I hate babies and small children. My parents had a difficult time with my younger siblings, and motherhood looked like a mess to me. I never once have wanted a child of my own, my idea was to get married, have a house, and some pets.

I'm sick of people telling me that I'll "change my mind". I knew since I was 3 that I never wanted to be a mom. I've found that my maternal instincts come out in other ways. I also have bad genes and have no desire to pass those on. It makes dating hard because guys either want kids, have kids, or are too confused to know better

To make things better, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with PCOS. My ovaries are extremely cystic. I also stopped ovulating around that time. I'm on the Pill to help with the PCOS, but someday, I'm hoping to get a hysterectomy, just to be COMPLETELY sure that I won't get pregnant. I feel the world is too overpopulated.

Since I was 6, I've had nightmares about getting pregnant. It's not the act of losing your freedom, or dirty diapers, but the idea that I am burdened with something I don't want, and I won't be able to work on my career, or take care of my husband. I've always been resentful toward youth and gravitated towards the older.

My family accepts that they will not be having grandkids but family friends are FREAKING out. What's the big deal? How does my not having kids affect them in any way? I don't understand.

What is so taboo about deciding not to procreate? Last time I checked, it was 2010. This isn't Adam/Eve, needing to expand the human race.

I was like you too. I know im only twenty but the idea terrified me. I literally wanted to be infertile. I was plagued by nightmares of getting pregnant too.

Now im with someone I love, I want that family at some point. I just feel like life will be very lonely later on with just me and my partner and that I want to build a family and teach what I've learnt and make the world a better place by bringing decent people into it.

I wont say you'll change your mind. Theres a lady at my work who is thirtyfiveish she has NO desire for children. Can't stand babies. has always been that way. She is very happy and fulfilled in her life.

Some people dont want children, and people should accept that. They will stop freaking out once they see your serious. Its your life and your choice.

Yeah, I'm with my boyfriend and we're serious. He's 57 and doesn't want children.

I am very much in love with him. We are so compatible with each other. When I am with him, my lack of desire to not have children just gets even stronger. I feel at very at peace in my life and fulfilled with how my schooling is going.

That lady at work sounds like me. I can't STAND babies. I hate it when people bring them in and expect you to hold them. And then the babies scream...UGH. That sound grates on my nerves.

My family knows I'm dead serious. I just wish others could see.

"Is it wrong to NEVER want children?

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I'm putting out there: I don't want kids. I never have.

Why can't people just accept it when people say that??

It's not even about freedom or things like that. I hate babies and small children. My parents had a difficult time with my younger siblings, and motherhood looked like a mess to me. I never once have wanted a child of my own, my idea was to get married, have a house, and some pets.

I'm sick of people telling me that I'll "change my mind". I knew since I was 3 that I never wanted to be a mom. I've found that my maternal instincts come out in other ways. I also have bad genes and have no desire to pass those on. It makes dating hard because guys either want kids, have kids, or are too confused to know better

To make things better, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with PCOS. My ovaries are extremely cystic. I also stopped ovulating around that time. I'm on the Pill to help with the PCOS, but someday, I'm hoping to get a hysterectomy, just to be COMPLETELY sure that I won't get pregnant. I feel the world is too overpopulated.

Since I was 6, I've had nightmares about getting pregnant. It's not the act of losing your freedom, or dirty diapers, but the idea that I am burdened with something I don't want, and I won't be able to work on my career, or take care of my husband. I've always been resentful toward youth and gravitated towards the older.

My family accepts that they will not be having grandkids but family friends are FREAKING out. What's the big deal? How does my not having kids affect them in any way? I don't understand.

What is so taboo about deciding not to procreate? Last time I checked, it was 2010. This isn't Adam/Eve, needing to expand the human race. "

It is difficult to go through life "hating" one segment of society. There is nothing wrong with no wanting children of your own but there is something very wrong in hating children.

Well for another perspective, though it may go against the norm....

I've got a lot of respect for someone who is willing to admit they either do not want kids or would not feel like they could provide what a child deserves and so choose not to have kids than those folks who just have kids by default.

People can get very strange when it comes to the topic of children, and certainly butt in where it's not their business. I guess it's a raw subject close to a lot of hearts and beliefs.

I also agree we need all kinds in this world to have things work: the world is overpopulated, and on a totally practical level - it's a service to have some folks who aren't having broods of kids.

Well, I do.

They're annoying.

I can never understand what they are saying.

Terrible hygiene.

Lack of manners.

Loud.

lack of common sense.

I was pretty self-hating as a child too. Couldn't want to grow up.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me simply because I don't like a subset of the population that is very popular with everyone.

It's your decision and it's your body, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have children.

itsallgrand,

Thanks.

I doubt I'd be a good mom anyway. I'm not that physically affectionate. I don't put up with BS. My parents never "censored" themselves with me, and with them being docs, I learned many things too quickly. Now that I'm older, I find it hard to censor myself with kids and don't know what to say to them.

Not to mention child psychology (which I studied briefly) is the most screwed up thing in the world. Gosh, I just can't deal.

Thanks sidehop

I wish everyone in my life was as supportive as this board

Well, I do.

 

They're annoying.

I can never understand what they are saying.

Terrible hygiene.

Lack of manners.

Loud.

lack of common sense.

 

I was pretty self-hating as a child too. Couldn't want to grow up.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with me simply because I don't like a subset of the population that is very popular with everyone.

Then you are in for a difficult life. I hope you get over that one day. Hate is self destroying.

Then you are in for a difficult life. I hope you get over that one day. Hate is self destroying.

I do quite fine in my life, thank you.

I see from your sig that you have a son. You seem like a proud mom.

I can understand why you'd be against my position. Is your son young? Does it bother you that I would not like him because he falls in that subset?

Not everyone likes kids.

I have found that some moms that can't stand it when someone doesn't like their children. Others don't care.

Why that is? No clue.

Yeah, I'm with my boyfriend and we're serious. He's 57 and doesn't want children.

 

I am very much in love with him. We are so compatible with each other. When I am with him, my lack of desire to not have children just gets even stronger. I feel at very at peace in my life and fulfilled with how my schooling is going.

 

That lady at work sounds like me. I can't STAND babies. I hate it when people bring them in and expect you to hold them. And then the babies scream...UGH. That sound grates on my nerves.

 

My family knows I'm dead serious. I just wish others could see.

Are you her? Lol.

No shes the same. When people on maternity leave bring their babies in she point blank wont hold them. She doesnt believe in marriage either. Shes got her boyfriend, a couple of cats and she is fulfilled and happy.

To be fair, in life, its whatever makes YOU happy.

Too many babies are brought into the world because people thought they 'should' have them rather than because they truly wanted them.

I do quite fine in my life, thank you.

 

I see from your sig that you have a son. You seem like a proud mom.

I can understand why you'd be against my position. Is your son young? Does it bother you that I would not like him because he falls in that subset?

 

Not everyone likes kids.

 

I have found that some moms that can't stand it when someone doesn't like their children. Others don't care.

Why that is? No clue.

I support your right to not have kids if that is your choice, I do not support your right to hate people, no. Sorry.

Nah, I'm 20 and I'm in college She sounds cool though! Boyfriend, cats...sounds like me!

I don't mind marriage though. If anything, I'd do it for the awesome tax benefits. but it's not a religious concern to me.

You just gotta do what makes you happy I guess

I say if you're going to have a family, you need to really want them and be prepared for all the work and raising. That's all

I support your right to not have kids if that is your choice, I do not support your right to hate people, no. Sorry.

Hate as in not wanting to be around them? Avoiding them when at all possible?

I would never hurt a child. I just REALLY dislike everything about them. Understand?

Heaven forbid someone doesn't like to be around something that everyone else adores.

Many moms don't like it when people don't like kids. Why can't they just accept it? I have no idea.

Believe me I have no insecurity in my choice as you do not in yours. But spouting hate I wont accept.

I have found that some moms that can't stand it when someone doesn't like their children. Others don't care.

Why that is? No clue.

In a sense it's judgmental; but think of it this way, say you like a certain pet. It's like people judging certain pet that they are obnoxious and stink. You get the drift? We had a ferret for awhile and surprisingly a lot of people were had this look and when asked why and most replied "they stink and look freaky". Of course you have to explain to them and sometime get defensive because they're not like how they perceive them.

If you asked me 10 years ago about children, I may have had similar views. Not that I 'never' wanted one but they are a pain in a butt and not sure if I can handle them knowing myself as a kid.

Fast forward to now, yes they are loud, abnoxious, can lose their temper and seem like they have no manners but in the end, you are helping them to grow. Such times that people would consider them so negatively is very minimal. My wife and I would cracking up because our daughter will be completely losing it for no reason to get attention when she realizes that we are laughing, she pretends she's not upset. It's a very rewarding experience to say the least.

So there's more to it than just them being a little stinker If you do ever decide to have a child (or children) you'll find them quite entertaining and best of all rewarding.

Victoria-

I hardly think naming off reasons why kids annoy me is "spouting hate".

We all talk about what ticks us off. For me, it's kids.

I bet if I talked about ANYTHING else that way, you wouldn't be saying that I'm spouting hate. I am sure.

sidehop-

If you can find them funny/adorable through all of that, then I applaud you.

I think there is nothing wrong with not only not wanting, but disliking children. Just don't harm them (which I don't think you would) and you're all set. I often find rude and unruly children very difficult to be around. I get annoyed easily.

57 year old boyfriend? wow lol

Still, it is good you found someone who shares your views.

Not wanting kids isn't that uncommon. One of the women I work with is in her thirties, in the middle of a divorce, doesn't want children. She rears dogs for show work, and she's perfectly happy with that being her 'family'.

People don't understand it because obviously it is deemed 'normal' to have goals like grow up, get married, get a decent job, have some kids. Children are a marker in life that most people don't even have to consider - they just want them.

However, it's not like the world needs repopulating.

The only other thing I would say is, I somewhat agree with Victoria - you seem to have some strong emotions beyond just 'not my bag' on the subject of children. You say you hated yourself as a child, it sounds like you had unusual experiences and relationships with others growing up.... this is by no means meant to suggest that I think you need to work on changing your attitude to having kids, but the feelings and experiences that have spawned that decision don't sound healthy, and I guess I'm saying it'd probably be good to examine those at some point. While your viewpoint itself is normal, the place it stems from sounds like it isn't.

No, people use the word HATE all the time, I hate this person, I hate that person.....whatever the deal is.......that is beyond me. Hate is an extremely negative emotion that gets someone in entirely nowhere.

I bet people would be more accepting IF people did not go around saying " I HATE", that is entirely defensive and sets people off immediately to argue your standpoint. Instead you could say, I entirely support your choice and it would be nice if people respected mine. I bet that will get you less arguments.

Of course it is not wrong to decide that you do not want children. Being a parent isn't for everyone.

I would try not to spread hate if possible though.

People tried telling me that too. "You'll change your mind". No, I despised children, and I had NO maternal instinct at all.

Now, that all did change when I held my daughter for the first time. I was terrified my entire pregnancy that it wouldn't. I'm glad it did.

If you don't want to have children, I don't see anything wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way.

Yeah, I would never harm a kid.

I have 2 younger sibs, both with learning disabilities. I had a rough childhood with them and I think that's a HUGE reason why I associate babies with negative emotion. I have never harmed them though.

I have a couple of much younger cousins who are VERY annoying and when that happens, I just get up and go to another room. Kids don't even know I don't like them!

Yeah, he's a bit older than me but we are doing quite well.

Until I was about 35 I was so confident I never wanted kids. In fact I checked into getting my tubes tied. In my case it wasn't so much that I hated kids, just every thing else. I thought pregnancy was gross, that childbirth was painful and messy. I thought kids were a big responsibility and too many men I knew weren't as involved with the kids as the women. I saw women give up great careers to stay at home. I didn't want any of that to happen to me (though I'd never give up a career).

Now? I'm not sure. Ever since my niece was born last year I kept thinking how I might like a baby. Plus when I was looking at getting my tubes tied I confided in a coworker and he told me he regretted not having kids (don't know if he had a vasectomy but he never married). I asked my gyne and she said in my case I might change my mind and asked me to seriously reconsider. When I reconnected with the one I want I imagined having a baby with him, but he doesn't want kids now (he did in the past). Since it doesn't look like I'll end up with him, I'm not sure I'd want kids with anyone else. I just can't imagine ever meeting a guy I'd love to have kids with if not him. I can imagine adopting a child though.

I do think you could change your mind at 20. I know many who did. You may not though.

I was mostly joking lol. People get put off by those who do not like children, but I say as long as no harm comes, what is the big deal?