newwave Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Ok, there's something else about the guy I like that is a red flag: he hates going down on a woman. He told me he tried it once, and couldn't do it because it made him sick. He said months ago he MIGHT try it again but not likely because he thought it was gross and disgusting. I was disappointed at the time but we weren't at that point so I figured he might change. However, now it doesn't look like I'll end up with him so I am looking again. How do I bring this up without looking like I want sex then? I love oral (giving and receiving) and would hate to end up with someone who absolutely refuses to consider this. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 First time I have heard of that happening... Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 i dated a guy who wasn't into going down. actually, he admitted to me he was bisexual and had more sex with men than women. every other guy i've dated - couldn't get them out of there!!!! how to bring it up? i've noticed i've never had to bring it up. they just go and dive right in! Link to comment
newwave Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 First time I have heard of that happening... Me too. I've dated a lot and this is the first time this came up. A few guys weren't into it, but did it because I enjoyed it. Others enjoyed it, and others would only do it if we had showered first (reasonable). Link to comment
FathomFear Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 It's possible. I had a roommate at university who told me that one of his ex-girlfriends had an extreme revoltion to oral sex--both giving and receiving. It literally made her vomit. She had no problems with intercourse but was disgusted by the ideal of oral contact with genitals. My roommate ended up breaking up with her for other reasons, but he told me that it was a definite strain on the relationship sometimes. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I'd probably resent them not reciprocating me giving them blowjobs. And, I couldn't be in a relationship where blowjobs aren't a big part of the foreplay. So, I'd probably let this one go if he wasn't willing to work on it. Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 TBH, I probably couldn't put up with that. The first couple of times I went down on a girl, I honestly didn't enjoy it that much. I was turned off by all the slime lol. But once I got used to it, I loved doing it. Link to comment
Amore Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I wish I had some advice, but all I can do is sympathize. A few months into into my relationship, my boyfriend admitted that he hates giving oral and finds it disgusting. I thought eventually he would warm up to the idea as we got more comfortable with each other - especially since I was giving but not receiving. After a year of giving countless blow jobs and never once getting oral, despite having talks about it, I just stopped giving. I got too resentful of the fact. I'm still resentful of it, even though I've accepted that things will never change. I actually ENJOY giving blow jobs and I wish my sex life contained any sort of oral pleasure. *sigh* [/end rant] Link to comment
newwave Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 I don't think this relationship will work out anyway, at least at this level because of other things (namely he doesn't want a relationship now and who knows if he will). I guess I am a little afraid that the next guy (if there's a next guy) will be the same way. Speaking of guys who live to receive but not give, I had a previous boyfriend the same way. He hated going down on me but expected it from me. I ended up dumping him because of that. If I am going to do it for him I expect it in return. I actually like oral better than regular sex. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 My ex boyfriend pulled the 'I don't like it' so I was like okay fine, I can understand that. But if I'm not getting it neither are you. His tone changed quickly within a week.... Link to comment
dragon lady Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 These kinds of men are best paired with women who don't like oral sex performed on them, which is not uncommon. If you like it and he won't do it, eventually you will grow resentful. I couldn't handle being with someone who couldn't do it. It's where I get 90% of my orgasms. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 TBH, I probably couldn't put up with that. The first couple of times I went down on a girl, I honestly didn't enjoy it that much. I was turned off by all the slime lol. But once I got used to it, I loved doing it. This is why I continue to bat exclusively for this team, and save myself for the mangravy. I was with only one guy who was squeamish about it, and I knew he was pretty inexperienced with it. He said he didn't like it, and I converted him to it by doing it with him in the shower as a sort of "training" step, lol. Then he came to like it. If a guy was adamant about not doing it, I couldn't stick around for that. It would be a sexual dealbreaker, since oral (giving and receiving) is generally the best part of sex for me and like DL said, that's how I can achieve any climax. Also, there's something about men who aren't into doing it that just from a personality perspective don't click with me -- they tend to view sex more mechanistically, than as a sensual and adventuresome and selfless experience of pleasuring someone. I don't enjoy being with men who don't want to get down and dirty, and full of a woman. Link to comment
teabee Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I don't enjoy receiving oral sex that much. All I can think about is how I'm probably going to have a yeast infection the next day. Also I don't enjoy feeling really sloppy with saliva down there. So I was going to say that I'd be ok with a man that didn't enjoy going down on women, but ToV's post resonated--it's the personality factor too. I doubt I would feel comfortable with a man that wouldn't do it. To me, that sends the message that there are parts of my body he is uncomfortable with and maybe even grossed out by. I could see myself developing some subtle insecurities about myself with a man like that, rather than feeling totally open, exploratory, and at ease as I would with someone who craves ALL of me. And despite not being a huge fan of receiving, I would STILL feel resentful of giving oral knowing he has zero intention or desire to reciprocate. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 My ex boyfriend pulled the 'I don't like it' so I was like okay fine, I can understand that. But if I'm not getting it neither are you. His tone changed quickly within a week.... Nice way to handle the situation I give you props. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 What??? -- So... you don't want it, but you want him to want it, to make you feel better? That's REALLY selfish. So, you get to feel secure and all he gets is to know he can't have something he wants to do with you. Great trade off. Link to comment
teabee Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I don't want it (*often) because I associate it with yeast infections. But of course I'd prefer a man who wants to explore my every nook and cranny to a man who is grossed out by my vagina. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I don't want it (*often) because I associate it with yeast infections. But of course I'd prefer a man who wants to explore my every nook and cranny to a man who is grossed out by my vagina. Haha. Well, it doesn't have to be so binary, though. There are more options than "I would stab my grandmother if it would give me facial access to your vagina" and "I'd rather sit on a cactus than have my face within 10 miles of your vagina" Just because it might not be a preference, that doesn't mean that person is necessarily any less adventurous, interested and excited by you and your ladybits. Link to comment
teabee Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Haha. Well, it doesn't have to be so binary, though. There are more options than "I would stab my grandmother if it would give me facial access to your vagina" and "I'd rather sit on a cactus than have my face within 10 miles of your vagina" Just because it might not be a preference, that doesn't mean that person is necessarily any less adventurous, interested and excited by you and your ladybits. Bahahahaha! Yes, point taken, and I would be ok with someone who did not prefer it. But I do find it exciting when a man enjoys pleasing a woman that way, instead of just seeing it as mandatory or, worse yet, gross. Often the men who enjoy it ARE more sexually comfortable and exploratory, but not necessarily. Also, in OP's post: "he thought it was gross and disgusting" That's the kind of person I would not be completely comfortable getting naked with, whether I enjoyed receiving oral sex or not. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Bahahahaha! Yes, point taken, and I would be ok with someone who did not prefer it. But I do find it exciting when a man enjoys pleasing a woman that way, instead of just seeing it as mandatory or, worse yet, gross. Often the men who enjoy it ARE more sexually comfortable and exploratory, but not necessarily. Also, in OP's post: "he thought it was gross and disgusting" That's the kind of person I would not be completely comfortable getting naked with, whether I enjoyed receiving oral sex or not. Yes, the "Gross" aspect would be a problem. "I think you're beautiful, and I love you with all of my heart, except for your vagina." I see your point. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 To me, that sends the message that there are parts of my body he is uncomfortable with and maybe even grossed out by. I could see myself developing some subtle insecurities about myself with a man like that, rather than feeling totally open, exploratory, and at ease as I would with someone who craves ALL of me. Wow, you really articulated that well! That's exactly how I'd elaborate on it! "I think you're beautiful, and I love you with all of my heart, except for your vagina." Or, "I love you 'down there'....but....can't I just feel it? Do I need to see it, put my face near it, or smell it?" Definitely, men who are like this cause me to feel inhibited about myself and my body, whereas men who really embrace the whole experience make me feel daring and sexy and womanly. Link to comment
civilservant Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I'll be honest, with me ex-fiancee I hated the whole experiance. The way she tasted, how it was, it really was a chore rather than somthing I enjoyed. With my most recent ex it was completely different, I would happily spend lots of time taking care of her and actily enjoyed the experiance. What was the differance? Im not really sure.. The only thing I can think of is that I was more into the second one than the first, that I wanted to please her more because I cared about her more. I am a firm believer that when youre intimate with a girl the enjoyment is as much about what you feel mentally as you do physically, and I was CRAZY about the ex. To this end I think I either ignored what I didnt like before, or I didnt even think about it. Now I love going at it Link to comment
newwave Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) it looks like I won't be with this guy anyway (I've posted a lot about him just wanting a friendship, etc). However, if this doesn't work (and at this point I doubt it) I will ask the next guy if he'll do this. I'm just not sure when. I don't want to bring it up early because he'll think I only want sex (I don't and I don't rush into sex) but don't want to invest time in him only to hear this again. This is important to me, much more than regular sex, and I do this one a lot earlier than intercourse. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 You need to find a way to lead into the conversation. Make up some crazy story you heard on the news about oral sex. The the topic has been broached and you can see what his comments are. Link to comment
KG Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 It comes down to this....some guys do, some don't. Personally, I think it's more intimate than intercourse....she is giving you access to her bits, you respond by getting her off. Link to comment
eikal Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 I've gone down several occasions. In my oppinion it's unfair to compare it to a blowjob because its similiar to sucking on a finger in my oppinion. How about I just suck on your finger instead i dont mean any offense this is only my oppinion. I don't like going down on girls but i love girls none the less. I do make up for it though Link to comment
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