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When your ex's rebound relationship ends


fuuf

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I'm curious, how should I act when my ex girlfriend's rebound relationship ends? In general??

 

It only lasted a month, and she texted me to even let me know. We have been on very LC (mostly coming from her end) for maybe 2 months now.

 

I was the dumpee.

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You should act like you realized that it was for the best that you two split up. She left you, gave herself to someone else for a month and now wants your attention again after things didn't work out with her new eye candy.

 

The more information you know about an ex post break up, the longer your healing will take. If you two are broken up, you should not be communicating. I'm sure that you have all kinds of hope that she contacted you because she wants to reconcile. If I were you, I wouldn't put my money on that happening. Not until at least you have some distance from her...it allows you to work on you, even if you really have nothing wrong with you.

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How gracious of her to tell you that her rebound ended (not)! She dumped you and started seeing someone else, I think you should put some distance between the two of you and not communicate with her at all. If she wants to reconcile it would be for all the wrong reasons...you need some time apart from her so you can really decide if you would want her back after she dumped you and ran to another guy.

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That text was sent 3.5 weeks ago. I ignored it. Now, it just seems like she wants some attention from me, although I know she gets it from other guys anyways. We have not spoken on the phone in almost a month (and that convo was very brief), but she keeps sending me texts every few days or so. She tells me about random stuff, like her doctor appt, how depressed she feels, some ex talking about her (who cares..), whatever.

 

This past Friday, she even sent me a half-nude pic of her via text (and I saw where she sent it to 2 other numbers!!).

 

I know she's probably a complete waste of time, but we were together 3.5 years...I think I still love her, but almost hate her now if that even makes sense. I have kept my distance, but I really want to see her again. We live 6 hours apart now, though.

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Bro, if she sent that photo to more than one person... well, f*** me.

 

She has no respect for you. And for women: respect = sexually attracted = she wants you for herself = she treats you well.

 

Let her know you two can't be friends, because you disapprove of the way she has and continues to act. Ignore her calls, texts, delete with out checking. If she admits she screwed up, schedule lunch in a public place, and let her talk herself into exhaustion.

 

Then decide if you'll take her back. But that'd be stupid unless you had at least two other girls you were seeing semi-seriously. Maybe after 3 months, if she really shows some change, you can devote yourself to her, but she's totally unworthy of your devotion bro.

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Did she say why would she tell you her relationship ended?

 

Yes, these are her exact words on the text from 3.5 weeks ago:

 

" well my bf did dinner and rented a movie at a gf's place last night, guess i deserved that..spring break next week..seeing psychologist wed, niiice video btw "

 

then 3 days later she confirmed their breakup via text: "...single again.."

 

I ignored it all.

 

I think it's funny he cheated on her b/c she had cheated on me with an ex.

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Bro, if she sent that photo to more than one person... well, f*** me.

 

She has no respect for you. And for women: respect = sexually attracted = she wants you for herself = she treats you well.

 

Let her know you two can't be friends, because you disapprove of the way she has and continues to act. Ignore her calls, texts, delete with out checking. If she admits she screwed up, schedule lunch in a public place, and let her talk herself into exhaustion.

 

Then decide if you'll take her back. But that'd be stupid unless you had at least two other girls you were seeing semi-seriously. Maybe after 3 months, if she really shows some change, you can devote yourself to her, but she's totally unworthy of your devotion bro.

 

No respect? That's very enlightening. I was almost thinking the opposite...she sent me a pic b.c she was desperate for attention or something.

 

I told her I had no interest in being friends, in fact, in our last phone convo. I was very blunt about it.

 

I have been straight ignoring her for the past 3 weeks now, outside of a text asking for forward any of my mail yesterday. We had lived together.

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She asked me why. I told her that I could not be friends with her, nothing less than a relationship. I was happier without her in my life. She then asked "so you're saying you couldn't be happy with me?" I said no that's not the case, but this is what I want now. She said "ok". That was the end of it.

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fuuf,

 

In my experience as a human being, there is nothing that bothers me more than when someone I have some sort of strong feeling about shows me indifference.

 

Love or hate don't really matter to me because there is still passion underneath it all. But if someone is completely indifferent towards me, it really irks me.

 

I think most people are like this. And I think to show your ex how highly you think or yourself, you too should take on this attitude. Indifference towards her.

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Well... I wouldn't have said what you said about "nothing less than a relationship". That is the wrong attitude.

 

You have to realize the reason you don't want her as a friend is because she behaves inappropriately. Not because you're desperate.

 

This would give her a clue doors are open to her, but it requires change on her part. That's win-win.

 

So, yeah. She asks, you explain, but you can't care. "Nothing less than a relationship" is an ultimatum, and that is guaranteed to screw you over.

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Well... I wouldn't have said what you said about "nothing less than a relationship". That is the wrong attitude.

 

You have to realize the reason you don't want her as a friend is because she behaves inappropriately. Not because you're desperate.

 

This would give her a clue doors are open to her, but it requires change on her part. That's win-win.

 

So, yeah. She asks, you explain, but you can't care. "Nothing less than a relationship" is an ultimatum, and that is guaranteed to screw you over.

 

My exact words were "Asking me to be your friend is like a slap in the face. We dated for 3.5 years. No thanks. "

 

I didn't feel like it was an ultimatum at all, but I see what you mean and I really hope she didn't take it that way. I don't think she did b/c she knew I had moved on from "us".

 

I see you guys are trying to tell me, though, that I should tell her her behavior is inappropriate. Should I do this out of the blue in a text or something? Ugh, I know that's what I should have said then. It's been a week since she sent me that dirty pic.

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I agree her behavior in this situation hasn't been stellar, but you have to weigh the past two months against over 3 years together. She must have had some good qualities for the OP to have stayed with her that long. Guess I'm saying everybody screws up and yeah, she really screwed up this time, but it's not like she's Adolf Hitler or something. I would not tell her she's being inappropriate. I'd try to rise above her silliness . . .

 

In response to the original question, I was in a similar situation, forgave my ex and took him back. A few of the details were different. Most importantly, when he told me about the rebound ending he also told me he wanted me back (and he broke up with her to be with me), so I was less hesitant than I would probably have been in your situation. My advice is to stay open, but not too open. Give things time to settle down. Don't let her believe you'll come running as soon as she gives you the green light. Proceed cautiously. On the other hand, I'd consider responding to her once in a while, just casually, to let her know you don't mind the contact and you aren't furious. See what happens when she's had time to think everything through (and you have too)

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