Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Age
    42
    Posts
    169
    Gender
    Female

    Dating a divorced man. Can't get over being jealous of his ex-wife...

    Hello. I have had something on my mind for weeks now and I can't seem to come to terms with it in my head. I'm hoping for some guidance or insight from someone who may have been in my position before.

    I'm 38 and have been divorced for 2 years. I have been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year. He is wonderful to me and I know he loves me. My problem is that I can't get over his past. It bothers me to know that he was married and had a life with another woman before me. I can't stand to think about him building a life, a house, kids, and everything else that goes along with marriage with someone else. I have just spent the weekend with his sister and it seemed like she talked about the ex-wife non stop. His sister hates his ex-wife and spoke very poorly of her but we still spent a great deal of time talking about the ex-wife. I feel so immature that I'm struggling to get past these feelings but I am truly having a hard time with this. What's even more ridiculous is that I was married for the same amount of time and had 3 children. My boyfriend never feels jealousy (or never mentions it).

    I hope there is someone out there that has experienced the same feelings and can shed some light for me.....

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    UK
    Age
    54
    Posts
    1,760
    Gender
    Female
    The detail you add at the end DOES make this seem a little odd, yes. It's just a matter of mental discipline I think.

    And perhaps learning to change the subject very gracefully to something positive when she comes up in conversation. Or if you can't do that, have a phrase at least in your head, like: "Let's leave the past in the past."

    What would you say to reassure your partner if he had these feelings about your past?
    It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, It is because we do not dare that they are difficult. (Seneca)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    50
    Posts
    25,691
    Gender
    Female
    Are you generally a jealous person? Did your ex husband have a past when you got together with him? If so, were you jealous of his past? Why did you and your ex divorce? Is it possible you have some unresolved issues from your marriage which you are bringing into this relationship? I guess I could understand your feelings if you yourself had never been married, but you have...you basically had the same life experience as he has had. This is your second time around as well as his.

Related Articles & Books
by Margarita Nahapetyan
It has been already known for some time that fewer and fewer individuals are willing to get married, and a new research just confirmed how much the ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
According to the researchers from the University of Washington's School of Social Work, the long-term consequences of childhood maltreatment, though ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Brides who hesitate about getting married might want to consider having second thoughts before starting a life-long commitment, suggest psychologists ...
 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Expert Advice

Online
Call
$4.99/minute
Before you seek a divorce attorney's advice, try Marriage Counseling first. Issues that seem like "deal breakers" can be addressed, solutions to problems can be discovered.
Online
CallChat
$1.99/minute
25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Repair your marriage and become friends again. Time for you and your partner to stop hurting his or her best friend.
Online
Chat
$2.75/minute
Licensed Professional Counselor and Therapist. Over 25yrs working with adults, families and children. 8yrs online. Fast typist. Empathic insight.
Online
Chat
$1.75/minute
Almost every marriage goes through rough times, don't go through it alone.
Online
CallChat
$1.95/minute
You got married because of different reasons; and you stay married also because of different reasons. It is only in the process that you find out how things truly work or not.