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  1. #1
    Member goldfish box's Avatar
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    My boyfriend doesn't think it's important to call me back.

    I'm going to try to make this as straight-forward and short as possible.

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a couple of years now and we are having in issue (at least I think so). My boyfriend does not think it's a big deal to call people back. He rarely answers his phone. We have gotten in a few arguments about this. I called him last night leaving him a message to call me back and if I don't pick up, leave a message 'cause that means I'm still at work. I never heard from him all night until the next afternoon (today). I told him I was irritated that he didn't call me back last night and he got angry and short w/ me, saying that I should've just bit my tongue about it. But what irritates me is that when I ask him to call me back (after an argument), he will say that he will try to fix it. But today when we argued, he was saying how he thinks I get angry at him not calling me back because I want some "control over him". And this angered me, because if he felt this way I feel like he should've told me this from the get-go. How am I supposed to know he feels this way when he's never told me? I feel like I shouldn't even have to ASK my boyfriend to call me back... it seems so ridiculous. He thinks it's ridiculous that people expect to be called back all the time, and I agree for the most part, except that I'm his girlfriend of almost 2 years and I feel like it should be a given that he return my calls...

    I want to know if you guys think this is not a big deal or if you would be upset too.

    I tried to get out both of me and my boyfriend's opinions on this. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and thanks in advance.
    Nirvana Fever.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member faithful14's Avatar
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    ok, I do think it's annoying when people do that but some people don't like to talk on the phone.Does he not pick up his phone when his family or friends call? Because it would bother me if he picks up for them and not you. My boyfriend doesn't like it so he usually text's me. It used to bother me too but I realized that as long as they try to keep contact with you in some form, that's what should matter. .

    You can always give him a taste of his own medicine; wait till he calls you and then don't call back.

  3. #3
    Member goldfish box's Avatar
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    He sometimes doesn't pick up when his family calls, but he almost always calls them back whenever it's convenient for him. I am not angry that he doesn't pick up, because I'm sure I call at inconvenient times, but it's just irritating that he won't call me back AT ALL. I do agree that as long as you're in touch in one way or another, it should be all right... but I feel angry because he's told me that he'll try to call me back more and then now, months later, he's getting pissed because I expected him to call me back? I don't even know... but thank you for the reply.
    Nirvana Fever.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Daligal83's Avatar
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    This would irritate me too. It's just disrespectful. To anyone, let alone your girlfriend. I know I let the occasional phone call slide, but I try not to make it a habit and I definitely would never do that with a significant other.

    Maybe you need to phrase your feelings toward him better. It sounds like he feels like he's being attacked. It might help if instead of pointing out that he's messing up, explain to him how his actions make you feel.
    Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it.
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  6. #5
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Maybe you're getting on his nerves?

    i'd say in this case, don't call him. in fact, turn your phone off. let him go crazy trying to reach you. it might drive the point home more than you nagging at him.

    my 2 cents.
    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.



  7. #6
    Member goldfish box's Avatar
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    I do agree w/ your comment Daligal... because he asked me he's getting pissy because he feels like I have a bad attitude about it (when approaching him). I know this is reasonable, but then again, I feel like, "What do you expect? I told you not to do this soooo many times." You know? But I do know I could've been a little nicer about it, probably.
    Nirvana Fever.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member faithful14's Avatar
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    I think you should stop telling him because he knows how you feel. It's time to just be unavailable for a while until he gets the hint.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faithful14 View Post
    I think you should stop telling him because he knows how you feel. It's time to just be unavailable for a while until he gets the hint.
    yeah, that's what i think as well.

    i think the first day without a call, he'll be relieved. 2nd day, he'll be like, 'haven't heard from her, oh well.' 3rd day, he'll start to wonder where you are and who you are with. 4th day, he'll be calling you a dozen times a day!

    he'll learn the lesson.

    and you know, if he doesn't, do you really want to date a guy who doesn't want to call you?
    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.



  10. #9
    Platinum Member pinkrobot's Avatar
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    Has he always been this way, or is this something that started somewhere along the line in your relationship? If he's always been that way it's probably something you'll have to accept about him (although I'm on your side, it's very disrespectful and it would piss me off like none other). But if it's more recent, I would agree with annie that maybe you've done something to get on his nerves.

    Here's my real 2 cents though: even if that's just how he "is," in relationships you make compromises to make your SO happy. If he can't tweak his ways in such a SMALL manner (I mean, how hard is it to call you back? You're his girlfriend, not his nagging mother-in-law or something), then it shows a lot about his character as a boyfriend and what he's willing to do to make his relationship work. So I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.
    Grammar nerds are sexy [http://grammaniac.com]

  11. #10
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    I called him last night leaving him a message to call me back and if I don't pick up, leave a message 'cause that means I'm still at work. I never heard from him all night until the next afternoon (today). I told him I was irritated that he didn't call me back last night
    He did call back - just not when you told him to. And perhaps the 'told him to' is the key to why he is behaving like this.

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