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Thread: Boyfriend doesn't ask to see me anymore, but still calls to talk to me everyday - confused

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    Boyfriend doesn't ask to see me anymore, but still calls to talk to me everyday - confused

    I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 2 months and things moved fairly fast. For the past week however, we've just been talking on the phone and he hasn't asked to see me or invited me over to his place and I can't understand why. Should I ask him why?

    I wonder if he is trying to slow things down a bit, since he was the one who came on really strong initially? I know we've got communication issues, and I think both of us are being too cautious when we speak on the phone. When we are together we share things and talk very openly, but the phone is awkward. I want to see him. What should I say to him without sounding too direct? I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already.

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    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    It's been a week. Maybe he has a lot on. Maybe he needs a little time to decompress. Maybe he wants to know if you will ask him to do something rather than sitting in your tower until he rides up on his horse.

    I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already.
    ?? This sentence is so wierd. if you're so intimate, it shouldn't feel like pursuing to ask your bf to spend some time with you.

    Seriously, if you can't ask for your needs to be met on something so small...

    Just say, do you want to do x, y, z?
    By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. - Confucius

    You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too.- Anais Nin

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    Quote Originally Posted by agent View Post
    It's been a week. Maybe he has a lot on. Maybe he needs a little time to decompress. Maybe he wants to know if you will ask him to do something rather than sitting in your tower until he rides up on his horse.



    ?? This sentence is so wierd. if you're so intimate, it shouldn't feel like pursuing to ask your bf to spend some time with you.

    Seriously, if you can't ask for your needs to be met on something so small...

    Just say, do you want to do x, y, z?
    Yeah, I know that last sentence is a bit of a contradiction. I almost deleted it, but was too lazy. I suppose I'm confused because we are only able to communicate openly in person, whereas on the phone it feels as though I'm talking to a friend....or an acquaintance even! It's very confusing.

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    I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already
    Why not? This is similar to a post you made before in that you are expecting him to do all the initiating - and that gets old very quickly. It seems to me highly likely that he thinks you are much less into him than he is into you - or, more precisely, than he was into you.

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    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Traveler27 View Post
    I want to see him. What should I say to him without sounding too direct? I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already.
    If you want to see him then you should take the initiative. It's a matter of respect. Why should he be putting forth 100% of the effort into developing the relationship?

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    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    Call him and tell him you want to hang out. If he says no, it can't be any worse than you worrying about why he hasn't asked you to hang out, can it?
    "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner." ~Max Lucado

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    I don't know....I feel like there's something more going on here with regards to him not asking to get together. I just spoke with him on the phone and told him that I'm a bit confused as to why we've been talking on the phone all week and haven't seen each other. So then he asked, "well what are you doing tomorrow?". The way he asked it almost sounded like I was asking him to do something unpleasant. Even more suspicious is that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and he apparently had no intention of asking to see me. I don't know. Maybe it's in my head, but I can't figure this behaviour out.

    Also just to clarify, I think I am putting in effort, but that's obviously very subjective. I'm just trying to understand why we can't communicate better.

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    Silver Member cristal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Traveler27 View Post
    Even more suspicious is that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and he apparently had no intention of asking to see me.
    Considering that tomorrow is Valentine's Day and if you had been dating for 2 months, it is not all in your head, to expect him to at least ask you out on a date. And if he was going to ask you out, he would have done so by now.

    If I was to wager a guess, I would guess that he is viewing this relationship lightly. Or, maybe his feelings have not developed enough to the point where he sees you as anything more than a romantic interest.

    If I were in your shoes, I would have felt pretty slighted and that would make me want to keep an extremely very low profile. I would take several steps back and let him come to me.
    When I knew better....I did better.

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    OP it sounds like you are sitting around letting him do everything, giving no indication you are still interested. Which is extremely frustrating. You have to DO something. Also regarding the phone, some people are just not phone people. It is possible you guys are just not that into each other.

    Even more suspicious is that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and he apparently had no intention of asking to see me.
    He doesn't see you guys as being very serious yet, and perhaps doesn't think the relationship is going anywhere. Or, he is laying low and seeing if you will actually do something to move the relationship forward.
    Last edited by YakasJourney; 02-14-2010 at 10:02 PM.

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