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  1. #1
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    Why is it so important to be financially secure before marriage?

    How about before getting engaged? My girlfriend wants to be engaged with me, but I keep hearing all these people say, "You need to be financially stable before getting married."

    Why is that? Is this assuming that your wife is not going to be working? What about the current recession? I have 2 part time jobs and live with my parents. I've tried applying EVERYWHERE and no one is hiring. I have good credentials for what I do, and finished my bachelor's a couple years ago...but it doesn't make a difference. No one is hiring. I'm lucky to have what I got right now as far as work goes.

    Isn't engagement and marriage about "finding the right person that you want to spend the rest of your life with"? What if I found that, but I'm just not financially stable yet? My girlfriend works and makes more money than I do, so it's not a matter of my potential wife not working. What is it about marriage that requires financial stability? What's the point of waiting if you already found your future mate?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
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    This is an issue my guy has.

    For him, he needs to know he can securely provide for his family. He wants the marriage to start off right. He wants to know that he buy me a good ring, afford a wedding, have a great honeymoon, without being stressed and strapped for cash.

    Then comes house and kids. Goals for after marriage. Those require money.

    Some people just want to be secure and know they have a good source of consistent income to have a life. Before taking on the responsibilty for being with someone, and providing for them.

    Me personally, I don't agree with his view, but its a common thing I have heard and read around.

    We can certainly afford a wedding, and a honeymoon. We're saving for those things, saving for a house...but I have a consistent income, him..not so much.
    He isn't where he wants to be, career wise, and he knows that career will bring STABILITY to him and his future. To know he can provide for his wife and future children is really important for him.

    You don't need to be loaded and wealthy to get married. I feel that way. We know we're each others 'one' and we can afford these things, but he's not financially secure...and he doesn't feel comfortable doing the next step without that peace of mind and security.

    You don't have to agree. I know many people who married and were still in University. They struggled, but they wanted to be married.

    Some people don't want to struggle. Some people jsut want things to start off on a good foot, without the added stress of being strapped for cash and living paycheck to paycheck.
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  3. #3
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    I guess a lot of people prefer being financially stable because they do not want to add the stress about financial worries to all the other things that you need to think about when getting engaged or getting married. This can be such a big burden on a relationship that it might end the relationship. Of course once you are married you will have to face financial up and downs together, but you would hope this would only happen after the marriage has been solidified so that this crisis might not bring you to a breaking point.

    Of course everyone has different ideas what financially secure might mean.

    For me it it also important that I have proven to myself that I am capable of taking care of myself,that I can lead an independent life. It's one thing to believe that you can do it, it's another thing to prove actually. I would not want to get married if my partner had never been independent from his family support and had never lived by himself.

  4. #4
    Silver Member LilBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Asti_ View Post
    ...he needs to know he can securely provide for his family. He wants the marriage to start off right. He wants to know that he buy me a good ring, afford a wedding, have a great honeymoon, without being stressed and strapped for cash.
    Same thing with my bf. He wants to be able to provide well for me so that I don't "suffer". He is still at entry level and doesn't earn much yet so what he said is "we'll have to wait til we're 40" (which I hope he is joking).

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Circe~'s Avatar
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    I've heard that financial issues can be a massive cause of fights, stress and disharmony which can ultimately be very destructive to a marriage.

    I believe this. That's why we're not upgrading to a bigger home unless and until we have saved enough to comfortably afford it. We could do it now and its tempting but a big mortgage is not worth any potential stress on us as a couple.

    I figure life throws enough at you - why consciously add more?

    Anyway if you can be financially stable before marriage I do think that's a very good thing. Its not nrcessary but will make life a lot easier.
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  7. #6
    Silver Member wayoverit's Avatar
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    Let me put it bluntly.. WHY bother marrying at all? Isn't the fact that you found someone you love ENOUGH and showing that you love them on a day to day basis ENOUGH? Why let a piece of paper affect your belief? Why let society judge you on what you have to have? The answer lies in every person in how secure they feel. They simply want more, rather than less, to feel secure. If you found a million dollars on the street right now, you're instantly secure. If you suddenly got a huge Will from your long lost auntie Wilma, you're instantly secure.

    So the answer is really within you. How secure do you feel without a consistent income that will pay for the mortgage and the diapers? How secure is your baby when he comes off with a rare form of disease? Can you at least sustain insurance payment so you can afford years of needed medicine to your kid(s)? If you don't feel you can do that, then you are not feeling secure about your future. So for now at least, it's good enough that you found someone you love, why bother moving forward to unknown territory and heavier burden and stress of a marriage?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    I don't want to add stress to my first year of marriage. Spending a good portion of a new marriage on stress and wondering where the next car insurance payment will come from is not something I want to do.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Maya_A's Avatar
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    Lots of preferences & all can be reasonable. Some things are suited to some & other things to others.

    For me, marriage would be in stages. The marriage itself for the sake of the union with my spouse, and stage 2 would be when to plan a family if I were going to. So yes, I'd marry if myself & would-be spouse were still working our way into savings. As long as we have been both able to take care of ourselves as independent adults, we may do even better pooling our resources.

    It's really the planning of children part that requires back-up money, not getting married.

  10. #9
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    Financial stability and security is HUGELY important to me going into marriage, and I think it should be important to everyone. You're going to be living together, building a life and a family together, and its going to be outrageously stressful and difficult to do that if you guys aren't financially secure. It doesn't mean that you have to wait to be LOADED in order to be ready for marriage, but you should have a steady, secure source of income and enough money saved up to afford a nice place together, to be able to pay the bills and to live comfortably and provide for your children.

    I can't stand seeing people that have rushed into marriage without being financially ready for it, and their children are usually the ones that have to suffer. They live paycheck to paycheck, barely scraping by and can't afford a lot of things that would provide a nice home and safe, comfortable lifestyle for their children and for themselves. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but I wouldn't even consider agreeing to marry someone who was still living with his parents. If he can't even afford to live on his own and support himself, how is he going to be able to afford living with me and providing for a family? Its a legitimate concern. It also could speak volumes about his ability to manage money, budget and save and that's a huge red flag because, as has been mentioned in this thread already, money issues are one of the BIGGEST reasons that couples end up getting divorced. It can put enormous stress and pressure on a family and tear a husband and wife apart. Someone who is irresponsible with his money would most likely end up being irresponsible with OUR money and I don't want that concern when I marry someone. I want to marry someone that I would feel comfortable having a joint account with, someone who I wouldn't be scared would mismanage our finances. Someone who is responsible and mature and can provide for my family.

    Its wonderful to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but that doesn't mean that you guys should get married the second you decide you want to be together forever. I think its more romantic to want to put yourself in a position where you can provide for your family and actually build a life together.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IamNotHere View Post
    How about before getting engaged? My girlfriend wants to be engaged with me, but I keep hearing all these people say, "You need to be financially stable before getting married."

    Why is that? Is this assuming that your wife is not going to be working? What about the current recession? I have 2 part time jobs and live with my parents. I've tried applying EVERYWHERE and no one is hiring. I have good credentials for what I do, and finished my bachelor's a couple years ago...but it doesn't make a difference. No one is hiring. I'm lucky to have what I got right now as far as work goes.

    Isn't engagement and marriage about "finding the right person that you want to spend the rest of your life with"? What if I found that, but I'm just not financially stable yet? My girlfriend works and makes more money than I do, so it's not a matter of my potential wife not working. What is it about marriage that requires financial stability? What's the point of waiting if you already found your future mate?
    If you want to get married and she wants to, then go for it.

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