Received a "Merry Christmas" text from ex...should I give a light response?

I was asleep already, but my phone shows that at one minute after midnight, my ex sent me a text saying that she had just heard a song that totally reminded her of me, and then she said Merry Christmas. Exactly one year ago today I left her.

She had e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago asking if I could e-mail something that was hers. I kept that a civil reply and e-mailed it to her. Before that I had been no contact for about a year.

I'm wondering if I should just reply back "Merry Christmas to you too" and leave it at that. Civil and short?

Long story short, for those who don't know...1 year ago today, she wouldn't talk to me most of the day and was crying constantly, then when we were going to my grandma's for Xmas dinner, I asked what was wrong and she wouldn't talk. I had been trying to get her to talk all day since she wouldn't say a single word to me. She had a habit of severe mood swings and saying and doing mean things to me before, so when we got to my grandma's, I asked one more time if she was ok and to talk to me, and she snapped at me. I told her to please not do this tonight, and she ran off. I spent about a half hour/45 minutes looking for her in the freezing cold and couldn't find her. I went to my grandma's and the mood was killed after I explained what happened (everyone was wondering where she was, plus they all got her gifts and things too). I got a text from her about an hour later saying she was ok and asked if I could come over and talk to her. So I did, and basically I told her this was getting to be too much and I almost couldn't take it anymore. She kicked me out of her apartment, and I left and said my goodbye.

She had claimed it was because she was jealous that I had a close family and she didn't. She had family members she could have been close with, who would reach out to her, but she chose not to be close with them. The rest of the story is in the other threads, but that's how it ended.

If you want to reply with a Merry Christmas, i don't see why not.

I think if you want to keep any contact with her at all, reply. If you don't want to or don't care, ignore it.

I really hope I don't get a Merry Christmas text from the ex. I really hope not!

Anyway... What do you want to happen, Seymore? Do you want her in your life? Do you want her as a friend, or more?

Well most people have said she's not going to change, especially not in a year. I would want to get back together with her, but only if she was going to stop the crap - and for real, not the "I'm sorry, now I'm going to do it again" garbage. But many say that's hopeless. I really don't want to go through that crap again. I can't be friends with her - we have a history and I wouldn't be able to handle seeing her with other guys, etc.

On the other hand, when someone says "Merry Christmas" I'm used to saying it back.

If you don't want her as a lover or a friend, then ignore it. Responding to it will give her the message that she is welcome to come back into your life again.

If you want to take the high road and text back "Merry Christmas to you too" and just not assign any deeper meaning to it other than you are merely responding to someone who sent you a holiday greeting, I don't see anything wrong with it.

But if you assign any deeper meaning to it and find yourself wondering if she will respond, and/or what outcome this contact may lead to, then maybe you should not do it.

Well most people have said she's not going to change, especially not in a year. I would want to get back together with her, but only if she was going to stop the crap - and for real, not the "I'm sorry, now I'm going to do it again" garbage. But many say that's hopeless. I really don't want to go through that crap again. I can't be friends with her - we have a history and I wouldn't be able to handle seeing her with other guys, etc.

 

On the other hand, when someone says "Merry Christmas" I'm used to saying it back.

I would ignore it.

Don't ignore it.

Manners cost nothing.

I'm amazed at the people on here who think it's OK to ignore people.

It's so incredibly childish and immature.

I've said this before on ENA, but I think the biggest mistaken piece of advice that is given on this site is when people tell people to 'ignore' or go 'nc'

It really is just about good manners.

Reply to the text!

Don't ignore it.

 

Manners cost nothing.

 

I'm amazed at the people on here who think it's OK to ignore people.

 

It's so incredibly childish and immature.

 

I've said this before on ENA, but I think the biggest mistaken piece of advice that is given on this site is when people tell people to 'ignore' or go 'nc'

 

It really is just about good manners.

 

Reply to the text!

 

 

You're right. She showed EXCELLENT manners last year at Christmas 8)

Ordinarily I would be polite and respond. But given the absolute hell this woman put you through I think you don't need her back in your life in any respect unless you had a lot more evidence that she has changed - and that would mean a huge change. A response could open a door that it would be vastly better to stay shut.

Isn't she with some other guy now?

Ordinarily I would be polite and respond. But given the absolute hell this woman put you through I think you don't need her back in your life in any respect unless you had a lot more evidence that she has changed - and that would mean a huge change. A response could open a door that it would be vastly better to stay shut.

 

Isn't she with some other guy now?

Agreed. I would understand if it was an amiciable break up... But this woman not only made you feel like crap, but she jumped ship and went straight back to her ex-boyfriend (who was MARRIED, none of the less!) and made you felt like the relationship to her didn't cost a thing.

Uh uh! I don't think so! Just ignore it and move on, Seymore.

You're right. She showed EXCELLENT manners last year at Christmas 8)

This sounds childish.

"You stole my toy in the sandbox, so I'm going to steal yours too!"

God, no wonder relationships are a mess when people think like that

What's wrong with replying "Merry Christmas to you too"

Ordinarily I would be polite and respond. But given the absolute hell this woman put you through I think you don't need her back in your life in any respect unless you had a lot more evidence that she has changed - and that would mean a huge change. A response could open a door that it would be vastly better to stay shut.

 

Isn't she with some other guy now?

Thanks, DN. Who knows about the other guy...in September, I'd heard she'd moved to California with this married guy back in August. And now I've heard from her twice in the last 2 weeks. Something tells me it's not going too peachy with him, if they're still together. Then again, when we were together she was still texting her ex.

Do you think maybe the married guy dropped her stupid ass and now she's crawling back to you?

If you don't want her as a lover or a friend, then ignore it. Responding to it will give her the message that she is welcome to come back into your life again.

I agree 100%. We're talking an ex, here, not a cousin.

This sounds childish.

 

"You stole my toy in the sandbox, so I'm going to steal yours too!"

 

God, no wonder relationships are a mess when people think like that

 

What's wrong with replying "Merry Christmas to you too"

lol. My relationships are not a mess. I don't think it's childish to ignore someone that put you through hell. He doesn't owe her anything. If I were Mr. Seymore, I wouldn't be the least bit concerned what she thought about me and I wouldn't feel the need to keep in touch with her.

lol. My relationships are not a mess. I don't think it's childish to ignore someone that put you through hell. He doesn't owe her anything. If I were Mr. Seymore, I wouldn't be the least bit concerned what she thought about me and I wouldn't feel the need to keep in touch with her.

I didn't say anything about your relationships... But a lot of relationships are, otherwise places like ENA wouldn't exist.

I think it's always good to be the better person, and even if she acted like a jerk, there is nothing wrong with responding.

I think ignoring is ALWAYS childish.

I didn't say anything about your relationships... But a lot of relationships are, otherwise places like ENA wouldn't exist.

 

I think it's always good to be the better person, and even if she acted like a jerk, there is nothing wrong with responding.

 

I think ignoring is ALWAYS childish.

I don't. Sometimes you do what you gotta do. She caused him a lot of pain and it sounds like he's still hurt over it to some degree. If he doesn't want her in his life, he's not obligated to respond to her. I'd think she had a lot of balls if she actually thought HE was the rude one for not responding.

I didn't say anything about your relationships... But a lot of relationships are, otherwise places like ENA wouldn't exist.

 

I think it's always good to be the better person, and even if she acted like a jerk, there is nothing wrong with responding.

 

I think ignoring is ALWAYS childish.

I've been ignored and treated like crap by my ex. So I decided to ignore him right back and try to move on with my life. He, like the big baby that he is, drops to the floor and kicks and screams about how I'm being horrible for ignoring him.

Selfish people can do no wrong. Only the rest of the world.

I don't. Sometimes you do what you gotta do. She caused him a lot of pain and it sounds like he's still hurt over it to some degree. If he doesn't want her in his life, he's not obligated to respond to her. I'd think she had a lot of balls if she actually thought HE was the rude one for not responding.

I don't think it matter what SHE thinks... I think it's about doing what's right.

Even if someone causes you hurt and pain, it's no reason to be rude.

I don't think it matter what SHE thinks... I think it's about doing what's right.

 

Even if someone causes you hurt and pain, it's no reason to be rude.

Well then, I guess you are better than me. Because if I were him I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.

I don't think it matter what SHE thinks... I think it's about doing what's right.

 

Even if someone causes you hurt and pain, it's no reason to be rude.

Would you be nice to someone who purposely tripped you and then kept on kicking you while you're down?

Would you be nice to someone who purposely tripped you and then kept on kicking you while you're down?

yes, I would respond to a text like that.

I have done something similar in the past and would do it again.

It's a "Merry Christmas" text. That's all.

The problem with responding to a Merry Christmas to be polite (and I agree that it is usually better to be polite) with someone like Seymore's ex is this: this is a woman who treated him incredibly badly and when he finally had enough and dumped her swore up and down she would never let him go - it got to the point of being somewhat creepy and stalkerish.

If he were to respond to be polite - what does he do when she sends him a Happy New Year message? Respond to be polite. Does that give her reasonable grounds to think she might be forgiven and that she has a chance of getting him back into the same exceeding destructive relationship they had before - because her manipulations are working again? So now she sends Valentine's greetings - because she knows he will respond.

The purpose of no contact is not to be childish or to get revenge in some sort of childish way. It is to disengage one's emotions and to show an ex that the relationship is really over by not giving them false hope that it can be resuscitated. Because in this sort of scenario a polite Merry Christmas response can and probably will be taken as much more than mere politeness - it could open old wounds and inflict new ones.