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Do you honestly believe that your ex will come back?


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Somedays I am 100% convinced that my ex is going to realize that he made a mistake and come back. Other days I am 100% convinced that I will never see him again.

 

I know that there is no point in thinking this way really, because any little thing that happens in his life may have an effect the outcome. There is no way to know what might go on to make him change his mind one way or the other, either today or months from now.

 

Right now I am in the mindset that he will come back to me though.

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I don't think it's a bad thing to think this way to be honest. I have found comfort in the belief that my ex will be back. I am confident in what we together had and if she realizes a quarter of what I have since the breakup, she'll be back. We ended on fairly good terms though. I was just thinking about making a post to something similar. Everyone comes here and says their love was so strong, they were such good friends, they are so sorry, they are changing .... if all of this is true why are we all so worried? If everything was so good your partner is bound to miss it and might be a fool for not at least trying again.

 

If she doesn't come back? By that time I'd be disappointed if I'm still worried about it. I don't plan to sit here and think "Okay, tomorrow is the day".

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for me, i guess it all depends on when you ask me this question. some days i sincerely believe that she really meant what she said (that i was the most caring/loving/considerate bf she's ever had and she couldn't imagine living her life with anyone else) and will eventually come back. other days i sincerely believe that as good as things were overall, it just wasn't meant to be as if she really felt that way and loved me, she'd have never broken up with me.

 

all i know now is that i gotta live my life and assume that she's never coming back. i can't live my life and make the various life decisions with her in mind. if she does come back eventually, wonderful. however, if she doesn't, i know i'll hate myself even more later if i had passed up on various life opportunities hoping and waiting she'd come back.

 

it sucks, but i really think that all dumpees should try to find a way to come to terms with the break up and assume that their ex's are not coming back. hoping and waiting really isn't doing anyone (especially the dumpee) any good.

 

damn, this is depressing.

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I think that he can either come back or not come back.

 

But that's not really the best way to be thinking - he STILL has all the power is the dumper in your mind. The point of NC is to break that way of thinking so that when you do go see him (in case he doesn't come back) you can put your best foot forward and try to win him back. When he sees you - he should be thinking - wow this girl has become so amazing and she still sees something in me after all this time.. what a considerate person. He should be not thinking - woman, get a clue. Just in the way you are phrasing things - you are giving him control over things and he doesn't even want it. He's gone..

 

That's why people are saying that it's really not best to be indulging in these types of self defeating thoughts.

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Adopt the mindset that he isn't coming back so you aren't building up hope or anticipation which will lead to disapointment and let down.

 

If he comes back then it will be a positive in your life...if he doesn't then it won't be a continued loss or emotional rollercoaster.

 

 

Do you speak with him or interact in anway? Do you have reason to believe he will come back?

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How long ago was the break up?

 

At the fresh break, yes, I went back and forth for a while thinking things couldn't be as bad as they felt. Then over time, the gaps between thinking and knowing he wouldn't grew larger. And then, the gaps where I thought and knew I wouldn't take him back anyways grew larger and larger. The focus slowly and surely turned to myself.

 

Acceptance I guess that what we had was really over and even if anything were to happen down in the future (small chance), it would be something completely new anyways.

 

It's years past now and thoughts like that I see now were just part of my way of coming to terms with it - it's a lot to try to digest at once that someone is gone especially if you were together a long time and thought they would be a key part of your future. It leaves spaces to redefine your own future too and that can be intimidating. But you'll get through it.

 

take care.

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I dont think she will come back. She always told me how stubborn she is. And she had an ego. And she is one of those people who could set aside feelings and emotions easily.

 

Sucks, doesn't it? I am confident my ex will come back even though she is the same type. I don't know about your ex, but mine is also known to bury down and ignoring feelings to do so ... and eventually they came out. Lots of stuff she buried down came out while we were together - not about us, but other things in her life. She'll think about it months or a year from now and it will really hit her.

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Sucks, doesn't it? I am confident my ex will come back even though she is the same type. I don't know about your ex, but mine is also known for bury down and ignoring feelings to do so ... and eventually they came out. Lots of stuff she buried down came out while we were together - not about us, but other things in her life. She'll think about it months or a year from now and it will really hit her.

 

mine is the exact same way, and this is how i will believe it will happen also.

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Deep in my heart no, I don't believe it any more. Even when he does (because he has) it's for nothing solid. The way I perceive it is that he's infatuated with the idea of it and even that is dying now. Sometimes I dream though because I don't wanna know..It'd be great if he was up for it 100%.

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Seriously guys.. don't think about whether they will come back or not. That defeats the whole point of NC which is about YOU. Set some goals for yourself and the end of the 30 days, decide what you want to do and think about getting them back.

 

Think about how you can make yourself better to increase the chances of them coming back.

 

Other things being equal - people are more attracted to more attractive persons. So work on that instead. Go to the gym for two hours a day if that's what it takes to get all the anxiety out. Take an extra hour a day making lunch for yourself instead of buying it at work so you can save up money and get a facial or something if you ahve too much free time. Read some relationship books. Do anything positive.

 

Maybe the chance of your getting back with your ex are 1%. If bare minimum you at least look better than when they left you.. maybe it'll be 1.5 or 2%. Slim, but still better.

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I just think we live in a time where there is too much to distract yourself with. Internet dating services can hook you up with a stream of people that you go out with for 1-2 dates with no emotional attachment. You could make a hundred friends on FB. You could go places etc. Its easy to move on.

 

She/he will only come back if your love and connection was stronger than a gazillion things they might get busy in. and we wouldn’t want anything less either.

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Even if they do come back (mine did) you have to be prepared.

 

Imagine them coming back and you've been sitting fantasizing about it and that part where they were gone was a scratch as far as your own life goes, and flop - dude then can just swoop in and resume where he left? No way. That's failure right from the get go again.

 

So it doesn't matter if they do come back or not, there is still the same work to do emotionally and otherwise and life to be lived.

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I'm one of those people who believes in positive energy...so I feel like if I think positively about this and put out positive energy then good things will happen. If I think he's never coming back then I'm just asking for a self fulfilling prophecy in the worst way.

 

I know it's cheesey but there's this jewelry commercial with Jane Seymour where she says you have to keep your heart open for love to come in...that's kinda how I see it I'm leaving my heart open for him. I'm not sitting around hoping and waiting but I have faith that it can happen and I'm leaving my heart open just in case (not that it's closed to other experiences).

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