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  1. #1
    Gold Member milkandhoney's Avatar
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    Do you honestly believe that your ex will come back?

    Somedays I am 100% convinced that my ex is going to realize that he made a mistake and come back. Other days I am 100% convinced that I will never see him again.

    I know that there is no point in thinking this way really, because any little thing that happens in his life may have an effect the outcome. There is no way to know what might go on to make him change his mind one way or the other, either today or months from now.

    Right now I am in the mindset that he will come back to me though.

  2. #2
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    You should remove that mindset. Your mindset should be, "I'm fine either way".

  3. #3
    Gold Member milkandhoney's Avatar
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    I understand that my mindset may seem unhealthy, but im just asking an innocent question to the members of the forum. just trying to see how other people feel.

  4. #4
    Silver Member jc123's Avatar
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    you should only be thinking he will come back if he has lead you to believe it. if not, then you shouldn't be thinking this.

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  6. #5
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    I don't think it's a bad thing to think this way to be honest. I have found comfort in the belief that my ex will be back. I am confident in what we together had and if she realizes a quarter of what I have since the breakup, she'll be back. We ended on fairly good terms though. I was just thinking about making a post to something similar. Everyone comes here and says their love was so strong, they were such good friends, they are so sorry, they are changing .... if all of this is true why are we all so worried? If everything was so good your partner is bound to miss it and might be a fool for not at least trying again.

    If she doesn't come back? By that time I'd be disappointed if I'm still worried about it. I don't plan to sit here and think "Okay, tomorrow is the day".
    "Love's happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion." - Jimmy Ruffin
    "There are many things I'd like to say to you, but I don't know how..." - Oasis

  7. #6
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    for me, i guess it all depends on when you ask me this question. some days i sincerely believe that she really meant what she said (that i was the most caring/loving/considerate bf she's ever had and she couldn't imagine living her life with anyone else) and will eventually come back. other days i sincerely believe that as good as things were overall, it just wasn't meant to be as if she really felt that way and loved me, she'd have never broken up with me.

    all i know now is that i gotta live my life and assume that she's never coming back. i can't live my life and make the various life decisions with her in mind. if she does come back eventually, wonderful. however, if she doesn't, i know i'll hate myself even more later if i had passed up on various life opportunities hoping and waiting she'd come back.

    it sucks, but i really think that all dumpees should try to find a way to come to terms with the break up and assume that their ex's are not coming back. hoping and waiting really isn't doing anyone (especially the dumpee) any good.

    damn, this is depressing.

  8. #7
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    I think that he can either come back or not come back.

    But that's not really the best way to be thinking - he STILL has all the power is the dumper in your mind. The point of NC is to break that way of thinking so that when you do go see him (in case he doesn't come back) you can put your best foot forward and try to win him back. When he sees you - he should be thinking - wow this girl has become so amazing and she still sees something in me after all this time.. what a considerate person. He should be not thinking - woman, get a clue. Just in the way you are phrasing things - you are giving him control over things and he doesn't even want it. He's gone..

    That's why people are saying that it's really not best to be indulging in these types of self defeating thoughts.

  9. #8
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    Adopt the mindset that he isn't coming back so you aren't building up hope or anticipation which will lead to disapointment and let down.

    If he comes back then it will be a positive in your life...if he doesn't then it won't be a continued loss or emotional rollercoaster.


    Do you speak with him or interact in anway? Do you have reason to believe he will come back?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    How long ago was the break up?

    At the fresh break, yes, I went back and forth for a while thinking things couldn't be as bad as they felt. Then over time, the gaps between thinking and knowing he wouldn't grew larger. And then, the gaps where I thought and knew I wouldn't take him back anyways grew larger and larger. The focus slowly and surely turned to myself.

    Acceptance I guess that what we had was really over and even if anything were to happen down in the future (small chance), it would be something completely new anyways.

    It's years past now and thoughts like that I see now were just part of my way of coming to terms with it - it's a lot to try to digest at once that someone is gone especially if you were together a long time and thought they would be a key part of your future. It leaves spaces to redefine your own future too and that can be intimidating. But you'll get through it.

    take care.

  11. #10
    Silver Member Melting's Avatar
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    I used to believe that he would get over it and come back. But the more time passes I realise that he won't. I have been in LC for past 6wks and he hasn't changed his mind, he is standing strong.

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