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Thread: I'm desperate for a relationship! how do I not feel so awfully lonely???

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    I'm desperate for a relationship! how do I not feel so awfully lonely???

    Every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up are just little disasters, I can't stand it! Noone to say goodnight to and noone to wake up for. I know there are worse things in the world, but for me it's just been soo long since someone cared about me <caring in a friendly way doesn't count>.

    I'm not the type who is able to fall into a "whatever" relationship just to be with someone - I need passion and desire and can't settle for less although I'm starting to wish I could...

    I can't understand guys, they act like they really like me and then never call... And I swear my desperation doesn't show, it's really easy for me to get a date, harder to get a date I like - and then to make the guy I like want more than a sex based relationship. Oh and then there are people who consider it just fine to say: "you don't have a bf? why?" (why???) or "how can I girl like you not have a bf?"

    Any advice on how I can make this painful feeling go away? I'm normally a happy person but it just becomes overwhelming, I need someone to love so bad!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elsewhere View Post
    Every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up are just little disasters, I can't stand it! Noone to say goodnight to and noone to wake up for. I know there are worse things in the world, but for me it's just been soo long since someone cared about me <caring in a friendly way doesn't count>.

    I'm not the type who is able to fall into a "whatever" relationship just to be with someone - I need passion and desire and can't settle for less although I'm starting to wish I could...

    I can't understand guys, they act like they really like me and then never call... And I swear my desperation doesn't show, it's really easy for me to get a date, harder to get a date I like - and then to make the guy I like want more than a sex based relationship. Oh and then there are people who consider it just fine to say: "you don't have a bf? why?" (why???) or "how can I girl like you not have a bf?"

    Any advice on how I can make this painful feeling go away? I'm normally a happy person but it just becomes overwhelming, I need someone to love so bad!!!
    See what I highlighted? Those are big reasons why you won't ever have a successful relationship. You're looking for someone to complete you. You should wake up for yourself, not someone else. You should do for yourself, not someone else. Until you're a whole person who is happy and independent, you will never, ever find a lasting love.

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    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hexaemeron View Post
    See what I highlighted? Those are big reasons why you won't ever have a successful relationship. You're looking for someone to complete you. You should wake up for yourself, not someone else. You should do for yourself, not someone else. Until you're a whole person who is happy and independent, you will never, ever find a lasting love.
    Can people REALLY tell if someone is desperate or not to find love, esp if they keep an even keel and keep that desperation out of their personality?

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    Quote Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101 View Post
    Can people REALLY tell if someone is desperate or not to find love, esp if they keep an even keel and keep that desperation out of their personality?
    People don't hide things nearly as well as they think. People have "tells" about everything. There's a difference between what you're aware you're hiding and what you're not aware you show.

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    Member wendy torrance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hexaemeron View Post
    You should wake up for yourself, not someone else. You should do for yourself, not someone else. Until you're a whole person who is happy and independent, you will never, ever find a lasting love.
    Yep... exactly.
    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. -- Jack Handey

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    Quote Originally Posted by hexaemeron View Post
    See what I highlighted? Those are big reasons why you won't ever have a successful relationship. You're looking for someone to complete you. You should wake up for yourself, not someone else. You should do for yourself, not someone else. Until you're a whole person who is happy and independent, you will never, ever find a lasting love.
    For sure you're correct, but what to do about it. I am rather successful in all other departments but I do not feel whole, bc noone wants to love me - ok now that's sounds cheesy.

    Quote Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101 View Post
    Can people REALLY tell if someone is desperate or not to find love, esp if they keep an even keel and keep that desperation out of their personality?
    I think if you a "good faker" people can only see what you show them. I can "fake" very well, when I'm between people I don't really care, maybe that's why it's easy. It's when I'm by myself, that's when it hits me.

    But hexamaeron is sort of right to, when your guard is down true emotions show.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elsewhere View Post
    For sure you're correct, but what to do about it. I am rather successful in all other departments but I do not feel whole, bc noone wants to love me - ok now that's sounds cheesy.



    I think if you a "good faker" people can only see what you show them. I can "fake" very well, when I'm between people I don't really care, maybe that's why it's easy. It's when I'm by myself, that's when it hits me.

    But hexamaeron is sort of right to, when your guard is down true emotions show.
    It's not cheezy. You're basically telling someone else that your personal self-worth is his responsibility. Because here you are, saying it, "I won't feel good until someone loves me"

    Who would want that sort of pressure? It's no different than if you went up to a guy and said "I can't be happy unless you're in my life"

    ... How long do you think he'd be standing there before he left smoking rubber burn marks on the ground.

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    I don't know I'd love to hear that from someone: I'm not happy unless you're in my life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elsewhere View Post
    I don't know I'd love to hear that from someone: I'm not happy unless you're in my life.
    You're basically proving my point even more. That's an unhealthy level of neediness and codependence.

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    So how to get rid of it?

    Yea, actually when I hear codependence, I don't think it's a bad thing...

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