How do I approach a guy that I like?

Traveler27 · 11-26-2009, 06:54 PM

I'm a 29 year old woman, and I am attending post-graduate school full-time. There is another student in one of my classes that I have noticed throughout the entire academic term (actually before that). He is really quiet and mysterious -- not shy, however. I don't sense a shyness about him - he is just quiet. I am quiet as well so I know the difference between shy and quiet.

The problem is that I find him very attractive and don't know how to let him know. I am terrible at flirting. I have guys flirting with me frequently, but whenever I come across I guy I am attracted to, I get completely nervous and unsure of what to do. I very rarely approach men. Also, because this is post-graduate school and students are older, I am reluctant to start flirting or showing romantic interest in someone in case they may be in a serious relationship. It's not like this is undergraduate university where most people aren't in commitments, etc. But I really like this guy. He is very much my ideal physical type and I like the fact that he is on the quiet side like myself.

I am currently doing online dating and it's so discouraging. I feel like here, there may be an opportunity to meet someone in 'real life' but I don't know how to approach, and would be quite embarrassed if I were rejected. Can anyone share any tips for good ways in which women can approach men? I just want this guy to know I like him without looking like a fool!!

Keyman · 11-26-2009, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Traveler27

I am currently doing online dating and it's so discouraging. I feel like here, there may be an opportunity to meet someone in 'real life' but I don't know how to approach, and would be quite embarrassed if I were rejected. Can anyone share any tips for good ways in which women can approach men? I just want this guy to know I like him without looking like a fool!!

This statement is exactly what most men feel when they have to constantly approach women, and why I dislike the whole process, why can't it be fun to meet people instead of totally disheartening?

Anyway, the best tip I can offer is... Put your left foor forward, then your right foot forward. Repeat until you are standing in front of him. Then smile and say "hi." You just have to be accepting of whatever the situation presents. Ah well, he's in a relationship, nevermind.

I think we put too much onus on the word rejection. Is it really rejection if he says he has someone already, or just information?

Maybe I should follow my own advice...

StrangeMagic9 · 11-26-2009, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Traveler27

I'm a 29 year old woman, and I am attending post-graduate school full-time. There is another student in one of my classes that I have noticed throughout the entire academic term (actually before that). He is really quiet and mysterious -- not shy, however. I don't sense a shyness about him - he is just quiet. I am quiet as well so I know the difference between shy and quiet.

The problem is that I find him very attractive and don't know how to let him know. I am terrible at flirting. I have guys flirting with me frequently, but whenever I come across I guy I am attracted to, I get completely nervous and unsure of what to do. I very rarely approach men. Also, because this is post-graduate school and students are older, I am reluctant to start flirting or showing romantic interest in someone in case they may be in a serious relationship. It's not like this is undergraduate university where most people aren't in commitments, etc. But I really like this guy. He is very much my ideal physical type and I like the fact that he is on the quiet side like myself.

I am currently doing online dating and it's so discouraging. I feel like here, there may be an opportunity to meet someone in 'real life' but I don't know how to approach, and would be quite embarrassed if I were rejected. Can anyone share any tips for good ways in which women can approach men? I just want this guy to know I like him without looking like a fool!!

This is one of the those things that you just have to put a little pressure on the gas and try to make contact with him. Nobody wants to be rejected, it's embarrassing and can play on the psyche if you let it. The trick is though is that you never take it personal if you can help it. Because he's only a person just like you and no less or no better.

BMP2CPM · 11-26-2009, 07:20 PM

Gather all your courage, go up to him, talk about something, anything, then while you're talking to him and looking into his eyes...

innocently touch his chest with your hand, just for a moment, maybe you're thanking him or maybe you're complementing him, maybe it's the punchline of a joke, just touch him. Act as if it's not a big deal.

Don't worry, 99.9% of the time a man will never say to a woman, "Don't touch me." So, you have nothing to lose really. Also watch his reactions after you touch him. He'll definitely remember you. Problem solved.

dog stevens · 11-27-2009, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BMP2CPM

Gather all your courage, go up to him, talk about something, anything, then while you're talking to him and looking into his eyes...

innocently touch his chest with your hand, just for a moment, maybe you're thanking him or maybe you're complementing him, maybe it's the punchline of a joke, just touch him. Act as if it's not a big deal.

Don't worry, 99.9% of the time a man will never say to a woman, "Don't touch me." So, you have nothing to lose really. Also watch his reactions after you touch him. He'll definitely remember you. Problem solved.

I don't think you should touch him at all until you actually know that he for certain likes you. Whenever girls that I don't like touch me I get extremely angry.

Batya33 · 11-27-2009, 08:21 AM

Can't you ask him about something in the class or to help you with a concept you're having difficulty grasping?

Traveler27 · 11-27-2009, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batya33

Can't you ask him about something in the class or to help you with a concept you're having difficulty grasping?

I would love to Batya, but he is always rushing in and out of class before I could even get the chance to speak to him. This is another reason why I suspect he may not be worth approaching. He doesn't interact with any of the other students in class (I have to confess I don't much either), but at least I say hello to my fellow classmates. He is just mysteriously quiet, which in my twisted mind makes him seem even more intriguing.

papaya · 11-27-2009, 02:02 PM

I'm in the same situation except a little less difficult...we're both undergraduates. Do you ever see him outside of class, walking on campus anything? You could always start with an innocent hi or hey and smile.

Bubalu · 11-27-2009, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Traveler27

I would love to Batya, but he is always rushing in and out of class before I could even get the chance to speak to him. This is another reason why I suspect he may not be worth approaching. He doesn't interact with any of the other students in class (I have to confess I don't much either), but at least I say hello to my fellow classmates. He is just mysteriously quiet, which in my twisted mind makes him seem even more intriguing.

Why don't you try sitting next to him or near him? It would make it so much easier to say something as opposed to having to walk over to him and having to think of something to say. Just turn to him and smile or ask a question about the lecture.

AuthenticAuthor · 11-27-2009, 04:47 PM

Invite him to do something with you; don't rely on his unproven ability to read your moves.

11-26-2009, 06:54 PM	#1
Traveler27 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 387	How do I approach a guy that I like? I'm a 29 year old woman, and I am attending post-graduate school full-time. There is another student in one of my classes that I have noticed throughout the entire academic term (actually before that). He is really quiet and mysterious -- not shy, however. I don't sense a shyness about him - he is just quiet. I am quiet as well so I know the difference between shy and quiet. The problem is that I find him very attractive and don't know how to let him know. I am terrible at flirting. I have guys flirting with me frequently, but whenever I come across I guy I am attracted to, I get completely nervous and unsure of what to do. I very rarely approach men. Also, because this is post-graduate school and students are older, I am reluctant to start flirting or showing romantic interest in someone in case they may be in a serious relationship. It's not like this is undergraduate university where most people aren't in commitments, etc. But I really like this guy. He is very much my ideal physical type and I like the fact that he is on the quiet side like myself. I am currently doing online dating and it's so discouraging. I feel like here, there may be an opportunity to meet someone in 'real life' but I don't know how to approach, and would be quite embarrassed if I were rejected. Can anyone share any tips for good ways in which women can approach men? I just want this guy to know I like him without looking like a fool!!

11-27-2009, 04:47 PM	#10
AuthenticAuthor Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 644	Invite him to do something with you; don't rely on his unproven ability to read your moves. __________________ -I am the unchained animal who dares to stare at his creator's face.

11-26-2009, 07:20 PM	#4
BMP2CPM Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: PA Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 83	Gather all your courage, go up to him, talk about something, anything, then while you're talking to him and looking into his eyes... innocently touch his chest with your hand, just for a moment, maybe you're thanking him or maybe you're complementing him, maybe it's the punchline of a joke, just touch him. Act as if it's not a big deal. Don't worry, 99.9% of the time a man will never say to a woman, "Don't touch me." So, you have nothing to lose really. Also watch his reactions after you touch him. He'll definitely remember you. Problem solved.

11-27-2009, 08:21 AM	#6
Batya33 Online Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,538	Can't you ask him about something in the class or to help you with a concept you're having difficulty grasping?

11-27-2009, 02:02 PM	#8
papaya Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 63	I'm in the same situation except a little less difficult...we're both undergraduates. Do you ever see him outside of class, walking on campus anything? You could always start with an innocent hi or hey and smile.