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Husband makes me feel sick


Ashley1640

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I feel so sick. All of my organs are mixed in my body right now, stomach in my throat and my heart in my stomach. I have that hole-in-the-heart, nauseous feeling that something just isn't right.

 

I don't feel like he's cheating. Again. Yet. That's not what it is. But I do feel like he's lost interest in loving me.

 

Last night we were out with some friends when Oprah came on the TV (news about her show ending in '11). My husband was joking around with our friends and said to me, "Oh Ash you should become a lesbian and marry Oprah - then divorce her and become an insta-millionaire and then remarry me! .... Or! You could tell everyone you're a virgin and sell your virginity on the Bunny Ranch!" He always jokes about this. It hurts. It's disrespectful to say that to your wife and embarrassing too in front of our friends. And then he says he wants Megan Fox.. Which is ok, it's whatever, but I'm insecure right now so of course it makes me feel like crap when normally I wouldn't care. I feel so nasty, and dirty.

 

For the past couple of days I've had a terrible nasty gut feeling in my stomach. I told him about this feeling and he says, "I don't know why, we're fine." And then gives me a weird look like I've gone crazy. I had to run into Wal-Mart last night to grab some stuff for the baby after we left the bar with our friends. I ran in by myself at 2am, and came out of Wal-Mart just goofing off and laughing at myself. I wore heels last night and decided to take them off once I got out of Wal-Mart and then ran and hopped on the cart. When I got to the car, Jeff was like, "Umm.. what are you doing? Why are you RUNNING?" I laughed and said, "I don't know, it's 2am and no one is around really to witness me be a complete idiot. We have a baby, I don't get to act immature very often....... Plus I got my exercise for the day!" Haha! He kind of glared at me and said, "Running a hundred yards isn't the exercise you need."

I wanted to say, "What the hell? What's your deal?" Probably over-analyzing the situation, but it hurt my feelings. He just makes me feel so insecure.. Fat, ugly, everything. He used to tell me how beautiful I was and would be sweet and open doors for me, walk with me and hold my hand. I dressed up last night and the only thing he could say was, "Oh. Where'd you get that jacket?" Of course he doesn't open doors for me anymore, and instead of walking in together as a couple he is footsteps ahead of me.

 

Maybe I'm just being dramatic. But I've felt this way for a while and it's only getting worse. I love him, but I hate feeling like a POS to him. I feel like I'm getting depressed again. I just want to cry and sleep. But I can't do either, I have to hold it together for my daughter.

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I try telling him. He thinks it's me "nagging." Then tells me I'm never happy. He just turns it all on me, I guess.

 

You know how we grow up thinking love is like a fairytale, and when we get married that's our happy ending I suppose? Maybe I'm nuts, but I've always really wanted it. I know that no one is perfect and no marriage will ever truly be that way... But I love him like he's my prince charming. I need him.. you know? But I don't feel like he has that love for me.

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I think it is time for you to have a talk with him about how you feel disrespected. If he tries to blow you off again then tell him you are extremely serious about it and will not tolerate it any longer. Then, next time he makes smart-a** or insulting remarks, call him on it right then and there by telling him "that is not a very nice thing to say to ANYONE, let alone your wife" and then if he starts to argue with you, shut him down by saying "do not try to weasel out of it, you were insulting and wrong and I don't appreciate being treated like that". Say all of this without raising your voice, without crying, but in a very cold, determined voice with an icy look in your eyes. You need to shut down this disrespect from him now or else it will get worse and will totally trash your self-esteem.

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It was 2am. No one was around.

 

Thanks..

 

And I know that honeymoon stage is over. But there's no reason for him to be ugly and disrespectful to me, in public or just us. I don't do that to him. I'm not mean to him or say rude things. If he wants to act like a fool then he can go right ahead.. we're young, we're 22 and 25.

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Yep, we separated for a year. But we were able to forgive each other and move past it.

 

He's not cheating. I can tell when he's not telling me the truth. He's not defensive, he doesn't hide his phone or X out of anything fast on the computer when I walk into the room, he comes home on time, etc.

 

So that isn't what's going on. I posted that bit of information to show a reason why I'm insecure at times. The reason I said "Not cheating..Yet" is because I feel like if we were to stay on this road he WILL cheat.

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I have a suspicion you might be overreacting just a little bit. It sounds like he's joking around and isn't aware that what he is saying is bothering you. I mean, the things he said sounds like things typical friends would say to each other (especially guy friends who are joshing each other). You're right that might mean there is lost romance, but it's also possible that he's just really comfortable with you.

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Yep, we separated for a year. But we were able to forgive each other and move past it.

 

He's not cheating. I can tell when he's not telling me the truth. He's not defensive, he doesn't hide his phone or X out of anything fast on the computer when I walk into the room, he comes home on time, etc.

 

So that isn't what's going on. I posted that bit of information to show a reason why I'm insecure at times. The reason I said "Not cheating..Yet" is because I feel like if we were to stay on this road he WILL cheat.

 

Did he do this after you were married or when you dated? My husband also cheated, but it was before we married in our first year of dating. But still, it haunted me for many years, really for most of our marriage. I would never advise anyone to marry someone that has cheated, but it's all water under the bridge now. I wonder sometimes how life would have been different if I had made another choice, maybe better or possibly much worse. I do love my husband, but he knows what it did to me and I'm sure wonders if his life would have been easier if he hadn't had to deal with my uneasiness over the years.

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That sucks, Ash. Try to spend as much time around positive people as you can - anyone that encourages you and enables you in your goals. Definitely don't try to pull your confidence from your husband, but find that in yourself. Maybe if you keep your poise and grace, despite his comments, then he'll see it and come around to appreciating you more.

 

You look better than Megan Fox =)

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I have a suspicion you might be overreacting just a little bit. It sounds like he's joking around and isn't aware that what he is saying is bothering you. I mean, the things he said sounds like things typical friends would say to each other (especially guy friends who are joshing each other). You're right that might mean there is lost romance, but it's also possible that he's just really comfortable with you.

 

She is not overreacting at all.

 

 

Your husband is acting very childish to ignore the problem, and for whatever reason is avoiding the issues.

 

Crazyaboutdogs did hit on it though: talk to him about it.

 

I think it is time for you to have a talk with him about how you feel disrespected. If he tries to blow you off again then tell him you are extremely serious about it and will not tolerate it any longer. Then, next time he makes smart-a** or insulting remarks, call him on it right then and there by telling him "that is not a very nice thing to say to ANYONE, let alone your wife" and then if he starts to argue with you, shut him down by saying "do not try to weasel out of it, you were insulting and wrong and I don't appreciate being treated like that". Say all of this without raising your voice, without crying, but in a very cold, determined voice with an icy look in your eyes. You need to shut down this disrespect from him now or else it will get worse and will totally trash your self-esteem.
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You don't have absolute control over how someone feels. Saying one thing to one person might cause a completely different reaction than if you said it to someone else. My point was that his words did not strike me as being extreme. Were they borderline rude? Perhaps. Were they the kind of comments friends say to each other all the time to josh each other? Yes.

 

I just don't think the OP should jump to conclusions and stress too much over the comments until she's had a chance to talk about them.

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I totally understand what you mean. How long have you been married for?

 

3.5 years; one year we were separated because he was cheating. We've been back together since the separation for a year and a half.

 

That sucks, Ash. Try to spend as much time around positive people as you can - anyone that encourages you and enables you in your goals. Definitely don't try to pull your confidence from your husband, but find that in yourself. Maybe if you keep your poise and grace, despite his comments, then he'll see it and come around to appreciating you more.

 

You look better than Megan Fox =)

 

Thankyou. I told him I thought she was kinda trashy looking due to all of her tattoos that she couldn't hide. He was like, omG! They're so hot! .... I've never heard him say that tattoos on a woman are attractive, yet I knew he liked them. I've always had great confidence, never needed a guy to complete me. And then I met my husband. As far as confidence goes, it went out the door when he cheated. It came back when we first got together, but as soon as my body started changing due to being pregnant I completely lost it. I'm currently working on my body image, but it takes time. Unfortunately no immediate results =(

She is not overreacting at all.

 

 

Your husband is acting very childish to ignore the problem, and for whatever reason is avoiding the issues.

 

Crazyaboutdogs did hit on it though: talk to him about it.

 

You don't have absolute control over how someone feels. Saying one thing to one person might cause a completely different reaction than if you said it to someone else. My point was that his words did not strike me as being extreme. Were they borderline rude? Perhaps. Were they the kind of comments friends say to each other all the time to josh each other? Yes.

 

I just don't think the OP should jump to conclusions and stress too much over the comments until she's had a chance to talk about them.

 

Thanks, yeah, I overreact a lot. I'm very emotional and I do wear my heart on my sleeve. I guess I just overreacted about this situation because the past few days our relationship has been odd. BUT, he says it's just me because he's not mad about anything and our relationship is fine. So, it's probably me just being a nutcase..

And yes, I think he is pretty comfortable around me, lol. We had a serious conversation about a month ago and he said, "You're my best friend AND my wife, it's a great combo." But I think he treats me more like a best friend than his lover. And maybe that's what being a wife is all about, lol, being a best friend and moving away from that lover stage.

 

I think I may go to Barnes&Noble and maybe check out some books about this stuff. Maybe I can find some advice on how to deal, or how to make a marriage better.

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Sigh.

 

Just talked to him. Everything is fine - He's just a bit stressed because he really wants his bike payed off. (He didn't have insurance on his bike, it got stolen, and we're still having to pay for it).

 

He could tell I got pretty upset last night. I just told him I didn't like the joke, and was shocked that he would even joke about something like that. He said, "Pshh I was kidding, I'd never let you do that!"

I also told him that I love him as much as I did the day I married him, that that hadn't changed for me like I think it has for him. He told me that's not true, that he just hates our living/financial situation so it's hard to express love right now. And also because he goes to work, comes home and eats, then sleeps. Repeat.

 

So, I understand completely. Just need to find ways to make our situation 'dealable'. At least that freaking hole in my chest/stomach is gone. Terrible feeling.

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Once I found out, my initial reaction was to leave. I left for a few months and then we decided to work things out with counseling. I didn't want to forgive him just yet, hence the year long separation.

We decided to try again, and we both agreed we just flat out could not live with out the other. We didn't seek counseling this time because we felt there was no need - We worked through it and was successful.

 

The issue isn't that he's cheating. I know my husband well enough. Plus we communicate better now than we did. So, cheating isn't going on at this moment. I ONLY mentioned it so everyone would understand why I'm a tad insecure at times and sometimes have trust issues. I've forgiven him completely, but there's that saying.. "You can forgive but you'll never forget!"

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Pam Anderson huh? lol she's horrid looking on that website you posted. Ucky!

 

And thankyou for your last post

 

 

 

Edit:

 

When Adam Lambert was the cool guy on American Idol.. I loooooooved him! Jeff was like oh whateverrr he's gay, Ash! I refused to believe him because I thought the guy was a hottie. Then when we all figured it out the hots for him went away pretty quick. But Jeff was always so eager to talk crap about him LOL. I think he was semi-jealous in a cute way. But.. Darn. I guess I need to find a new celeb hottie to gawk over =p

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Pam Anderson huh? lol she's horrid looking on that website you posted. Ucky!

 

And thankyou for your last post

 

 

 

Edit:

 

When Adam Lambert was the cool guy on American Idol.. I loooooooved him! Jeff was like oh whateverrr he's gay, Ash! I refused to believe him because I thought the guy was a hottie. Then when we all figured it out the hots for him went away pretty quick. But Jeff was always so eager to talk crap about him LOL. I think he was semi-jealous in a cute way. But.. Darn. I guess I need to find a new celeb hottie to gawk over =p

 

 

I still think he is hot!!!

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