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  1. #1
    Bronze Member Ashley1640's Avatar
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    Husband makes me feel sick

    I feel so sick. All of my organs are mixed in my body right now, stomach in my throat and my heart in my stomach. I have that hole-in-the-heart, nauseous feeling that something just isn't right.

    I don't feel like he's cheating. Again. Yet. That's not what it is. But I do feel like he's lost interest in loving me.

    Last night we were out with some friends when Oprah came on the TV (news about her show ending in '11). My husband was joking around with our friends and said to me, "Oh Ash you should become a lesbian and marry Oprah - then divorce her and become an insta-millionaire and then remarry me! .... Or! You could tell everyone you're a virgin and sell your virginity on the Bunny Ranch!" He always jokes about this. It hurts. It's disrespectful to say that to your wife and embarrassing too in front of our friends. And then he says he wants Megan Fox.. Which is ok, it's whatever, but I'm insecure right now so of course it makes me feel like crap when normally I wouldn't care. I feel so nasty, and dirty.

    For the past couple of days I've had a terrible nasty gut feeling in my stomach. I told him about this feeling and he says, "I don't know why, we're fine." And then gives me a weird look like I've gone crazy. I had to run into Wal-Mart last night to grab some stuff for the baby after we left the bar with our friends. I ran in by myself at 2am, and came out of Wal-Mart just goofing off and laughing at myself. I wore heels last night and decided to take them off once I got out of Wal-Mart and then ran and hopped on the cart. When I got to the car, Jeff was like, "Umm.. what are you doing? Why are you RUNNING?" I laughed and said, "I don't know, it's 2am and no one is around really to witness me be a complete idiot. We have a baby, I don't get to act immature very often....... Plus I got my exercise for the day!" Haha! He kind of glared at me and said, "Running a hundred yards isn't the exercise you need."
    I wanted to say, "What the hell? What's your deal?" Probably over-analyzing the situation, but it hurt my feelings. He just makes me feel so insecure.. Fat, ugly, everything. He used to tell me how beautiful I was and would be sweet and open doors for me, walk with me and hold my hand. I dressed up last night and the only thing he could say was, "Oh. Where'd you get that jacket?" Of course he doesn't open doors for me anymore, and instead of walking in together as a couple he is footsteps ahead of me.

    Maybe I'm just being dramatic. But I've felt this way for a while and it's only getting worse. I love him, but I hate feeling like a POS to him. I feel like I'm getting depressed again. I just want to cry and sleep. But I can't do either, I have to hold it together for my daughter.

  2. #2
    Silver Member tinydancer81's Avatar
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    awww hun, it sounds like your really feeling down right now, did you tell him all of this? maybe if he knew he'd try harder for you
    Proud USAF wife! totally and utterly in love with my DH and our little family

    Let a good deed be done purely because it is a good deed, dont think of the glory and what you will benefit...just do it.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Ashley1640's Avatar
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    I try telling him. He thinks it's me "nagging." Then tells me I'm never happy. He just turns it all on me, I guess.

    You know how we grow up thinking love is like a fairytale, and when we get married that's our happy ending I suppose? Maybe I'm nuts, but I've always really wanted it. I know that no one is perfect and no marriage will ever truly be that way... But I love him like he's my prince charming. I need him.. you know? But I don't feel like he has that love for me.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    The honeymoon is over, as they say.

    Lower your expectations, and save yourself a lot of grief. Things are not going to be "the way they were".

    I can see why your husband may have felt embarrassed when you took of like a bat out of hell at Wal-Mart. Come on, Ashley, can't you really?

    I feel your pain, have been there.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    I think it is time for you to have a talk with him about how you feel disrespected. If he tries to blow you off again then tell him you are extremely serious about it and will not tolerate it any longer. Then, next time he makes smart-a** or insulting remarks, call him on it right then and there by telling him "that is not a very nice thing to say to ANYONE, let alone your wife" and then if he starts to argue with you, shut him down by saying "do not try to weasel out of it, you were insulting and wrong and I don't appreciate being treated like that". Say all of this without raising your voice, without crying, but in a very cold, determined voice with an icy look in your eyes. You need to shut down this disrespect from him now or else it will get worse and will totally trash your self-esteem.

  6. #6
    Bronze Member Ashley1640's Avatar
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    It was 2am. No one was around.

    Thanks..

    And I know that honeymoon stage is over. But there's no reason for him to be ugly and disrespectful to me, in public or just us. I don't do that to him. I'm not mean to him or say rude things. If he wants to act like a fool then he can go right ahead.. we're young, we're 22 and 25.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Oh, I see you made a comment you don't think he's cheating, again.

    So he has cheated on you?

  8. #8
    Bronze Member Ashley1640's Avatar
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    Yep, we separated for a year. But we were able to forgive each other and move past it.

    He's not cheating. I can tell when he's not telling me the truth. He's not defensive, he doesn't hide his phone or X out of anything fast on the computer when I walk into the room, he comes home on time, etc.

    So that isn't what's going on. I posted that bit of information to show a reason why I'm insecure at times. The reason I said "Not cheating..Yet" is because I feel like if we were to stay on this road he WILL cheat.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
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    I have a suspicion you might be overreacting just a little bit. It sounds like he's joking around and isn't aware that what he is saying is bothering you. I mean, the things he said sounds like things typical friends would say to each other (especially guy friends who are joshing each other). You're right that might mean there is lost romance, but it's also possible that he's just really comfortable with you.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley1640 View Post
    Yep, we separated for a year. But we were able to forgive each other and move past it.

    He's not cheating. I can tell when he's not telling me the truth. He's not defensive, he doesn't hide his phone or X out of anything fast on the computer when I walk into the room, he comes home on time, etc.

    So that isn't what's going on. I posted that bit of information to show a reason why I'm insecure at times. The reason I said "Not cheating..Yet" is because I feel like if we were to stay on this road he WILL cheat.
    Did he do this after you were married or when you dated? My husband also cheated, but it was before we married in our first year of dating. But still, it haunted me for many years, really for most of our marriage. I would never advise anyone to marry someone that has cheated, but it's all water under the bridge now. I wonder sometimes how life would have been different if I had made another choice, maybe better or possibly much worse. I do love my husband, but he knows what it did to me and I'm sure wonders if his life would have been easier if he hadn't had to deal with my uneasiness over the years.

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