I donno if this should be posted here or in the romance and sex section.
To make a long story short, I have never had a relationship in my life and trying to engage in the dating life has been a very difficult and painful experience for me. All the girls said no.
Before I used to watch porn to astain from sexual activity in real life but about 2 months ago I decided to never watch porn ever again. It was something that never meet my needs and always left me empty so it was in the best interest for me to never watch it again, for personal health and religious reasons it wasn't doing me any good.
It has been very difficult to completely turn away everytime I look somewhere its sex....sex....sEX........SEX!!!!! its like no matter how much I try to block it out of my life its there!. People saying I'm not a real man for watching porn and i'm gay and such but people have their opinions i guess.
Worst of all its spreds throughout my circle of friends even those who believe are talking about sex. I have had to constantly meet new people make friends over the last couple of weeks and its been cool. I have met and made many new friends but its like I have been put in a cycle that keeps going and going. It bothers me how much of a virgin I'am and how sex is all over the place it makes me feel as if I have a disease or infected with a virus. I really wish I wasn't a virgin and I had many experiences like everyone i know has had throughout there life time. But finding the right sex is impossible for me to attain, I can't even get my foot in the door with dating! let alone trying to be intimate with a girl I like. I haven't felt in love or been kissed yet.
Is masturbation the next thing I should try and drop out of my life?. Thats the last spark I have in my high sex drive. It provokes me to wonder what it feels like with a person but again finding that person is impossible.
As of late when it comes to anyone talking about relationships or sex I just can't feel but pure jellouslly for those who have experienced it. Ultimately I feel stupid because I have no idea what they are talking about. I have never felt this way before in my life. I have been feeling like the black sheep in my circle of friends who holds a big dark secret dispite I'm a leader who does things that most other people aren't willing to do.
Many people say that I have great things going in my life and I have nothing be worried about and I'm stressing over nothing but to me I feel like this is my biggest weakness I currently suffer from and now with a little bit of jellously it can become a problem that couple ultimately crush what I have going.
I'm really trying to find the positive in this but its just not happening.