I'm sexually frustrated and still a virgin
I donno if this should be posted here or in the romance and sex section.
To make a long story short, I have never had a relationship in my life and trying to engage in the dating life has been a very difficult and painful experience for me. All the girls said no.
Before I used to watch porn to astain from sexual activity in real life but about 2 months ago I decided to never watch porn ever again. It was something that never meet my needs and always left me empty so it was in the best interest for me to never watch it again, for personal health and religious reasons it wasn't doing me any good.
It has been very difficult to completely turn away everytime I look somewhere its sex....sex....sEX........SEX!!!!! its like no matter how much I try to block it out of my life its there!. People saying I'm not a real man for watching porn and i'm gay and such but people have their opinions i guess.
Worst of all its spreds throughout my circle of friends even those who believe are talking about sex. I have had to constantly meet new people make friends over the last couple of weeks and its been cool. I have met and made many new friends but its like I have been put in a cycle that keeps going and going. It bothers me how much of a virgin I'am and how sex is all over the place it makes me feel as if I have a disease or infected with a virus. I really wish I wasn't a virgin and I had many experiences like everyone i know has had throughout there life time. But finding the right sex is impossible for me to attain, I can't even get my foot in the door with dating! let alone trying to be intimate with a girl I like. I haven't felt in love or been kissed yet.
Is masturbation the next thing I should try and drop out of my life?. Thats the last spark I have in my high sex drive. It provokes me to wonder what it feels like with a person but again finding that person is impossible.
As of late when it comes to anyone talking about relationships or sex I just can't feel but pure jellouslly for those who have experienced it. Ultimately I feel stupid because I have no idea what they are talking about. I have never felt this way before in my life. I have been feeling like the black sheep in my circle of friends who holds a big dark secret dispite I'm a leader who does things that most other people aren't willing to do.
Many people say that I have great things going in my life and I have nothing be worried about and I'm stressing over nothing but to me I feel like this is my biggest weakness I currently suffer from and now with a little bit of jellously it can become a problem that couple ultimately crush what I have going.
I'm really trying to find the positive in this but its just not happening.
There are a lot of positives in your situation. For one, you can actually save a lot of money - A LOT of money. Not having a woman is probably in the top 5 of best lifetime financial decisions you could make while you're young. Use this time to plan - you have an advantage over those already in relationships, but it's not worth anything if you don't take the right action now while it counts.
I had a friend of a friend who had managed to accrue over $100,000 by the time he was 22 because he had a solid job, he lived with his parents, he had no girlfriend, and he was very wise with his investments. Not long after, he met a nice asian girl who was his first gf - an absolute beauty. He went straight from his parents house to buying his own house. The thing about this guy that helped him achieve that success was his confidence - he never felt sorry for himself or down about his situation, at least not that I ever saw.
My advice: be confident and use the opportunities given to you. Life can turn on a dime and it can turn in very good directions if you make good choices and have the confidence, courage, and steadfastness to hold your course.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation and porn as long as it is not done excessively or to the point of addiction. You're a healthy young man who needs release sometimes and you should not deny yourself that. It is perfectly normal.
If you think not being a virgin could help your self esteem and in turn improve your confidence enough to attract girls (because girls are turned off by lack of it), then go to vegas and get "services", if you know what I mean. If it's that important and that high of a priority, deal with it, get it over with, and feel like an adult. Don't feel ashamed about it, other men have done it. Some men have to, it's the only way they can because they're ugly, have no personality, or lack basic hygiene. You're obviously better than those guys, so just get a bit of confidence, and then get back into the dating game. Do what you gotta do.
BTW, PhoenixWright rules
Last edited by Iakasot; 11-16-2009 at 11:18 PM.
There's no worse rejection than by those that created the illusion of accepting you.
Elitism regarding maturity is immaturity in disguise.
UGH! Men giving you advice is just pointless....time for us women folk to give you a little advice. First off, I got the vibe that your lack of sex was religious fueled, am I right?
Being a virgin is not lame. For me..I think it's pretty damn cool you've been able to wait.Porn is one of those things that can rule your life, if it becomes a big enough addiction. You cutting it out could have been a good thing. As far as masturbation..that's something I try not to do..but let's be honest..we're young. Our bodies need stimulation. GAH..even chicks need to knock one off occasionally. Unless it's become like an addiction..who cares? If you're not getting any sex..might as well utilize ol'e palmela handerson. And I wouldn't advise losing it to an escort...that would not make you popular with the ladies.
Girl:Who did you lose it to?
You: Oh this girl named Crystal Chandelier..she was an escort in vegas.
Girl: Check please....
First of all, porn is no big deal. Anything is one of those things that can rule your life (video games, TV, food, etc). Only if the specific person has a (medically diagnosed) addiction is it a problem. Why would you try not to masturbate? Unless of course it is actually interfering negatively with life.
Originally Posted by IGlareOften
Finally, who in their right mind would tell a girl that they lost their virginity to an escort? Obviously he would lie about it. And really, how many girls ask you who you lost your virginity to? I have never been asked that and if I was, I would say that I don't like talking about past relationships, I don't think it is healthy for ours (I don't want to open Pandora's Box).
"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free."
Not true its the lack of women in my life b/c they have been a challenge to me but then again I could have had sex quite a few times by now.
Originally Posted by IGlareOften
It was the fear of STD's that did it for me.
I can't get over the fact if I asked most of you girls who you lost it to and most will say to a guy they barely even knew.
Originally Posted by IGlareOften
I can't tell you how many first time storys i have heard from girls who lost it to some guy they regret losing it to.
But I won't lie I have gone as far as posting up a CL add to lose my virginity but its phoney, you get a lot of spammers and Bull* * * * . I just wanted to be on equal footing with women since most of them are not virgins anymore even in my age group.
I agree with you, IB.
Originally Posted by InBruges
I'm sorry you feel like there is nothing but SEX around in your life. It's completely true though, there is sex everywhere... media, commercials, TV, advertisements.. It's so stressful I'm sure! It goes along with women feeling the need to be skinny because of society's standards. I can't help but feel extremely sorry for you because of all this peer pressure.
I do not agree that porn or masturbation is a BAD thing. It's only a bad thing if you do it excessively. I take it you are pretty darn religious, so think of it as drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol is perfectly fine in the Bible, but excessive drinking and getting sloppy drunk is a sin.. According to the Book. So, it's okay if you think you need to live by what the Book says. Just don't overdo it!
If you feel like a loser because you are a virgin, I really don't think you are. I don't know if that'll help because I'm just some online chick, but I don't think virgins are weird or losers. It may be ODD in some people's eyes.. But that's only because of society's standards and blockbusters(Sex sells, unfortunately).
Hey, think of that movie the 40 yr old virgin =) He found his person eventually!
Embrace what you have, as IB told you. I'm sure you a wonderful, compassionate, and extremely nice man. =0) And don't just give it up to anyone. It's apparently important to you, just like getting an STD is important to you, so save it for someone that means something to you.
Porn was used as something I could learn from and it was fun indeed but I honestly do not want to do it anymore because it has done nothing for me except left me empty. I mean why would I want to watch someone else have sex? I should be experiencing sexual acts myself! not watching someone else live my fantasy! Ultimately it motivated me to seek prositution(Which I should have gone through with it) but never worked out its just not safe to try. The bible or my beliefs are the second reason why I do not do it.
Having a huge network of friends, many female friend in that mix as well its like why the hell haven't I had sex by now!?!?. Dispite my weight loss I look great, always dressup nice and carry myself well. I'm working on my future and next month I will be going for my series 63 license which is something that most kids my age will never see until they are in their late 30's. I'm investing towards the future I mean there's so much I'm doing at my age its not like I'm out partying and getting drunk every friday! or getting into trouble with the law. I'm striving to be someone.
The whole virginity deal is I always wanted to wait for sex for marriage and would have liked my partner to do the same and i feel that will never happen so many forums I have read where people lose their virginity to someone they barley even know I mean even here and its like why the hell not go out and give it up?. Chances are IF I ever get into a relationship that person would have been around the block many times before me. Second what really bothers me is if I tell a girl I'm still a virgin she's going to give me the once over look as if I'm a weird or something is wrong with me.
I have been playing around with the idea of just having sex to get it over and done with then find start looking for the right one but the only people that are worthy are those who want a man to be committed to them yet they will not give me a chance with them.
Girls tell me(generally they reject me) Theres a woman out there who will appreciate a man like me and she just has not come along yet and before I believed it and now I think its a load of * * * * . I feel very stuck, frustrated and ashamed.
Please don't feel that way!
Ok. Story about one of my best friends:
Crazy red head girl. God I love that one to death. She's insane.. good insane though! She parties MAJOR hardcore. Drugs, drinking.. you name it. But, she's such a good person. Anyway. She's been with a few guys.. I don't want to say she's a skank because I know her better, but she definately likes her sex. She's turned hardcore Christian virgins into sex-loving-gods. She's 21 and going to college in San Marcos, TX. She just met this AMAZING guy named Greg. She told me a while back that she really likes this guy, that I really need to meet him, and he's actually taken her on several dates - something most guys have never done for her! She tells me all the amazing things about him and then says.... He's a 22yr old virgin. I'm like, WHAT? Really? Someone SHE would go for in college is a virgin? He's not a loser, or weird at all. He just never had sex in highschool. Then after he graduated he was like.. You know what, I'm going to stay a virgin til I'm married, I've waited this long.. why not? My girlfriend says she'es going to have sex with him soon. lol. We'll see about that..
But really. You're okay. I can see where it would be extremely frustrating... but don't be ashamed. It's your choice, and I applaud you for abstaining since you hit puberty =) You don't find it often these days, but I think it's very cool of you! So embrace it. Don't think so negatively about your situation, it could be 10000000x times worse. I mean, at least your thing works. Some men can't seem to get theirs working properly =)
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