custody change

sandy cheeks · 11-03-2009, 02:19 PM

I would like to change the current custody arrangement I have. I don't want to change the amount or days out of the week my x has our child, I simply want to switch which weeks they fall in. In other words, instead of having my son on say....... the first and third weekend of the month, I'd have him the second and fourth weekend.

The reason being is, he is friends with two brothers whose parents are divorced. I am friends with the mom but don't really know the dad. She has her children the opposite weekends I have my child. As it is now, he hardly ever gets to see them. Maybe once in the last three months??
If they had the same schedule he could be on sports teams with them, have play dates, do sleepovers, etc.

But, my x doesn't want to switch. He can't give me a reason. He just says he has no desire to switch. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that he is dating a woman who has her kids the same weekends he does, so he is free to spend his "off" weekends with her.

So, I'm motivated by what my son would like, and the x is motivated by what gets him the most play time with his girlfriend.

My question is, do I have any recourse? Any one tried to make a similar change and been successful?

sidehop · 11-03-2009, 02:28 PM

If it's going to benefit your son than obviously the court would take that in consideration. I would file a motion with an affidavit based on your reasons.

But since you're not requesting additional days and changing the schedule drastically I don't see why you guys can't settle this in agreement (outside the court).

Dinka · 11-03-2009, 02:29 PM

Don't assume that this is why your ex doesn't want to switch until you get solid evidence...otherwise you are just going to get bitter about it.

Is this something you can talk to your lawyer about? Obviously the well-being (and that includes social well-being) of your child comes first!

sandy cheeks · 11-03-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sidehop

But since you're not requesting additional days and changing the schedule drastically I don't see why you guys can't settle this in agreement (outside the court).

you don't know my X!

Do you think it would be a good idea to tell my son that I have requested to switch weekends so he can see his two friends? Maybe if my X heard it from my son about how much he misses them and would like to be able to see them more, maybe the X would agree to switch?

I don't want to drag him into the middle of something ugly, but if he just tells his dad how he feels...???

lostandhurt · 11-03-2009, 05:12 PM

Do not tell your son anything! This is between adults and needs to be kept there. I get calls from my son where "he" wants to this or that but it is really my ex's idea. So basically I get put in the position of telling him no and he gets put in the middle.

Can your friend switch her weeks? You have a life and your ex has a life and switching does mess up set plans with employers, schools, babysitters and yes the personal lives of the people involved.
I don't see why his father can't drop your son off for a play date. You will share your son till you die. You might want to consider thinking beyond you against your ex. It will bring you peace.

Lost

Nappyloxs · 11-03-2009, 11:55 PM

This should not go to court. You and your wife should be able to handle it on your own. Just tell her that its for the kid to spend time with his friends.

Ex. are terrible, but also check your divorce agreement. There may be something in there about mediation/arbitration. It will be fast and cheaper than going to court.

sandy cheeks · 11-04-2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostandhurt

Can your friend switch her weeks?
Lost

My friend has been divorced for years. They have a permanent custody arrangement. My X and I have a temporary one. Nothing is set in stone. It would be easier for us to change than her.

I'm not thinking "me vs. my X". Not in this case at least. I went to the X and politely laid out what I wanted and why. I pointed out that changing between now and the holidays would be complicated because of plans, so I asked to switch after the first of the year. That’s two months away. He has no plans beyond that I'm sure. And if he did, this is plenty of notice to change them.

I explained that I wanted to switch so our son could spend time with his friends. I know, from my son that he doesn't have friends over at his father's house. He doesn't do play dates or sleepovers except with family.

It's not like I'm asking to limit his time, or switch days of the week, or make picking up and dropping off more difficult.

The X's response was no. Just plain old "no". No reason, no explanation, nothing. I know I have to deal with him for the rest of my life. I am trying, I really am. He isn't.

I know it shouldn't go to court. But when he won't compromise or give anything at all?? He's left me with no recourse. I feel the need to show him that I am serious and not afraid to go to bat for what I think is in the best interest of our son.

We worked out a custody arrangement in mediation over two months ago but it has stalled out at his lawyer's office for some reason. The X has the nerve to email me and demand to know what's taking so long!! He should have called his lawyer first. Meanwhile, I'm forking out $$$ to pay for motion after motion, court filings, and other legal fees because he's dragging his feet or his lawyer is incompetent. Between the financial cost, and the difficulty I have dealing with him, I'm seriously reconsidering the whole "joint custody" thing and just taking my chances in court.

thejigsup · 11-05-2009, 12:23 AM

Please don't do that! It's very risky. What concerns you more, your son seeing his friends, or spending great amounts of money taking this to court? And if you win, he will probably just park your son somewhere while he sees his gf. Do you want that?

11-03-2009, 02:19 PM	#1
sandy cheeks Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 91	custody change I would like to change the current custody arrangement I have. I don't want to change the amount or days out of the week my x has our child, I simply want to switch which weeks they fall in. In other words, instead of having my son on say....... the first and third weekend of the month, I'd have him the second and fourth weekend. The reason being is, he is friends with two brothers whose parents are divorced. I am friends with the mom but don't really know the dad. She has her children the opposite weekends I have my child. As it is now, he hardly ever gets to see them. Maybe once in the last three months?? If they had the same schedule he could be on sports teams with them, have play dates, do sleepovers, etc. But, my x doesn't want to switch. He can't give me a reason. He just says he has no desire to switch. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that he is dating a woman who has her kids the same weekends he does, so he is free to spend his "off" weekends with her. So, I'm motivated by what my son would like, and the x is motivated by what gets him the most play time with his girlfriend. My question is, do I have any recourse? Any one tried to make a similar change and been successful?

11-03-2009, 02:29 PM	#3
Dinka Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 402	Don't assume that this is why your ex doesn't want to switch until you get solid evidence...otherwise you are just going to get bitter about it. Is this something you can talk to your lawyer about? Obviously the well-being (and that includes social well-being) of your child comes first! __________________ "I'd like to introduce you to the long lost sister of Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy.... Petulant Patty!" "This is starting to sound like Rainbow Brite on way too many barbiturates."

11-03-2009, 05:12 PM	#5
lostandhurt Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 45 Posts: 2,150	Do not tell your son anything! This is between adults and needs to be kept there. I get calls from my son where "he" wants to this or that but it is really my ex's idea. So basically I get put in the position of telling him no and he gets put in the middle. Can your friend switch her weeks? You have a life and your ex has a life and switching does mess up set plans with employers, schools, babysitters and yes the personal lives of the people involved. I don't see why his father can't drop your son off for a play date. You will share your son till you die. You might want to consider thinking beyond you against your ex. It will bring you peace. Lost __________________ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace and happiness; Trusting that I may be reasonably happy in this life and forever.

11-03-2009, 02:28 PM	#2
sidehop Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: NH USA Gender: Male Posts: 1,599	If it's going to benefit your son than obviously the court would take that in consideration. I would file a motion with an affidavit based on your reasons. But since you're not requesting additional days and changing the schedule drastically I don't see why you guys can't settle this in agreement (outside the court).

11-03-2009, 11:55 PM	#6
Nappyloxs Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 280	This should not go to court. You and your wife should be able to handle it on your own. Just tell her that its for the kid to spend time with his friends. Ex. are terrible, but also check your divorce agreement. There may be something in there about mediation/arbitration. It will be fast and cheaper than going to court.

11-05-2009, 12:23 AM	#8
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,126	Please don't do that! It's very risky. What concerns you more, your son seeing his friends, or spending great amounts of money taking this to court? And if you win, he will probably just park your son somewhere while he sees his gf. Do you want that?