Atheism and Christian Parents.

iKeith · 11-01-2009, 08:51 PM

I've been an Atheist for nearly 2 years, I haven't told my parents. They still make me go to church, and I kinda hate it.

Should I tell them about my Atheism?

Lucius · 11-01-2009, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iKeith

I've been an Atheist for nearly 2 years, I haven't told my parents. They still make me go to church, and I kinda hate it.

Should I tell them about my Atheism?

I think that you should weigh it up against a few things.

Firstly, what do you hope to gain by telling them?

Secondly, what do you think they will say/do if you tell them?

My own parents wouldn't have cared much one way or the other had I been an atheist (I'm agnostic, myself). But then my parents weren't particularly, nor dogmatically, religious. Yours might be different.

I'd think of it in terms of risk vs reward, myself. If the reward (for you) outweighs the risk (as great or negligible as that might be), then go for it. If the opposite is true, then maybe put it on the back-burner for now.

At the end of the day, what you do or don't believe is a private matter. You can share it if you like, but you don't need to feel as though you MUST. It's up to you.

pinkrobot · 11-01-2009, 09:21 PM

This is a strange way of thinking about it, but if you hide it from them and pretend you're a Christian, it could technically be considered "lying," could it not? And if they're Christians they should respect you being truthful with both yourself AND them.

I'm not an atheist, but I am agnostic and am sickened by the idea of [organized] religion. My dad's a minister, and I find it hard to be open with him about how non-religious I am...however, I do make sure he's aware of it just so there's no secrecy between us.

Godless_Heathen · 11-01-2009, 10:03 PM

Keep in mind he's 13. At that age, your parents have a lot of power over you. I've known people indirectly (i.e. friend of a friend) who would making life for an unbelieving child unbearable.

It really depends on his assessment of his parents.

Sparchitecht · 11-01-2009, 10:12 PM

Only you know your parents well enough to say whether or not it would do you any good. I don't personally think it can get you anywhere positive, unless emotionally it's bothering you and you need to get it out there for your own internal reasons. It really does come down to what end of the belief spectrum your parents fall into. They most likely won't meet your revelation with pleasure, but just what it means to them is anyone's guess. I was struggling through the tail-end of a life-threatening mental roller-coaster with depression when I renounced my faith quite openly within my family. I deconstructed every fundamental piece of Christian dogma down to the bare bones in a fervent conversation with my mother, intense in my hate for it as she was mortified and uncomforted by having to argue with me for it. Neither of them readily accepted or were pleased by the concept of my contempt for it, nor would they allow themselves to believe that it was anything more than just a flakey transient teenage phase I was dealing with possibly in part to my still-not-properly-treated clinical depression I was battling with their help.

To this day they likely still harbor that hope in silent, not wanting to visit the state but rather hoping that it all pans out for the best. They instead were forced to revisit the fight a few years later once I'd left home when my youngest brother -to whom I am dearly close- chose his own philosophical route in life and saw Christianity and organized religion as being no positive or logical part of it. Even more than I, he wore it on his sleeve with teeth bared and pride abroad beckoning all who felt the need to engage in any sort of philosophical belief-battle-BS. The parents did not appreciate it, but such was just fodder for the cannon fight.

**BellaDonna** · 11-01-2009, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iKeith

I've been an Atheist for nearly 2 years, I haven't told my parents. They still make me go to church, and I kinda hate it.

Should I tell them about my Atheism?

Honestly, at age 13 I don't think you should tell them. They will likely just dismiss you and/or become stricter at home to try to convert you.

Because of your age, you basically need to keep the peace at home- I think it's worth it to walk the walk for the one day a week at church if it avoids further consequences at home (like them constantly trying to convert you 24/7)

I'm just looking at it practically due to your age.

How might you stand church? Well you can look at the bible as a historical text, view it from a literary perspective. You can the time set aside in church as a chance to relax for a little while and meditate or something. You have control over your own thoughts and values.

I think if you tell them it will make your life miserable at this age.

under_my_amberella · 11-01-2009, 10:52 PM

I grew up in a very, very religious environment. I knew I didn't share their faith at around 13 or 14. The next few years were horrible but I can't say which was worse - the periods during which I was honest or the periods during which I pretended to be something I wasn't.

However, looking back, I am very proud of myself for the way I handled it. I wa alway obedient. when I was living under my mother's roof, I lived by her rules. I also was respectful of their beliefs and always supported them, knowing that it brought meaning to their lives.

I stuck it out until I finished high school, and less than a week later I was gone. Never returned.

I feel for you. The next few years might not be easy but if you handle YOURSELF in a way you can be proud of, then you will find happiness.

Lucius · 11-01-2009, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellaDonna

How might you stand church? Well you can look at the bible as a historical text, view it from a literary perspective. You can the time set aside in church as a chance to relax for a little while and meditate or something. You have control over your own thoughts and values.

I think those are really great ideas. One can gain something from religion (and all the associated ritual), even if one doesn't believe it's tenets. Viewing the process as a cultural one, rather than a spiritual one, strikes me as a very mature, efficient way to handle it all. For now, at least.

under_my_amberella · 11-01-2009, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucius

I think those are really great ideas. One can gain something from religion (and all the associated ritual), even if one doesn't believe it's tenets. Viewing the process as a cultural one, rather than a spiritual one, strikes me as a very mature, efficient way to handle it all. For now, at least.

I agree. I remember sitting there, memorising all the books of the bible, who wrote them, when, maps, etc. It passed the time.

There's also all sorts of really interesting stuff taught at church. Although I'm not a believer, I now attend church with my husband, who is struggling with his faith and trying to find some answers to his questions. I love a lot of the stuff they talk about, like not being a complainer, being thankful, showing compassion, and especially family values. it can teach you some really important things that many other kids your age don't get the opportunity to learn about in school, from t.v. or from their parents.

**BellaDonna** · 11-01-2009, 11:02 PM

You can also "people watch" in church too, which is always fun.

I just think at your age -this battle is not worth fighting (yet). There are so many options you can pursue to keep the peace at home, while still being true to yourself.

11-01-2009, 08:51 PM	#1
iKeith Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Virginia Gender: Male Age: 13 Posts: 73	Atheism and Christian Parents. I've been an Atheist for nearly 2 years, I haven't told my parents. They still make me go to church, and I kinda hate it. Should I tell them about my Atheism?

11-01-2009, 09:21 PM	#3
pinkrobot Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: where the wild things are Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,718	This is a strange way of thinking about it, but if you hide it from them and pretend you're a Christian, it could technically be considered "lying," could it not? And if they're Christians they should respect you being truthful with both yourself AND them. I'm not an atheist, but I am agnostic and am sickened by the idea of [organized] religion. My dad's a minister, and I find it hard to be open with him about how non-religious I am...however, I do make sure he's aware of it just so there's no secrecy between us. __________________ All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. [blog:] http://scribblingsofhope.blogspot.com

11-01-2009, 11:02 PM	#10
BellaDonna Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: U.S. Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 6,583	You can also "people watch" in church too, which is always fun. I just think at your age -this battle is not worth fighting (yet). There are so many options you can pursue to keep the peace at home, while still being true to yourself. __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history." "Friendship should be a refuge, not an ordeal." Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

11-01-2009, 10:03 PM	#4
Godless_Heathen Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Boston Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 255	Keep in mind he's 13. At that age, your parents have a lot of power over you. I've known people indirectly (i.e. friend of a friend) who would making life for an unbelieving child unbearable. It really depends on his assessment of his parents.

11-01-2009, 10:12 PM	#5
Sparchitecht Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Regina, Canada Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 379	Only you know your parents well enough to say whether or not it would do you any good. I don't personally think it can get you anywhere positive, unless emotionally it's bothering you and you need to get it out there for your own internal reasons. It really does come down to what end of the belief spectrum your parents fall into. They most likely won't meet your revelation with pleasure, but just what it means to them is anyone's guess. I was struggling through the tail-end of a life-threatening mental roller-coaster with depression when I renounced my faith quite openly within my family. I deconstructed every fundamental piece of Christian dogma down to the bare bones in a fervent conversation with my mother, intense in my hate for it as she was mortified and uncomforted by having to argue with me for it. Neither of them readily accepted or were pleased by the concept of my contempt for it, nor would they allow themselves to believe that it was anything more than just a flakey transient teenage phase I was dealing with possibly in part to my still-not-properly-treated clinical depression I was battling with their help. To this day they likely still harbor that hope in silent, not wanting to visit the state but rather hoping that it all pans out for the best. They instead were forced to revisit the fight a few years later once I'd left home when my youngest brother -to whom I am dearly close- chose his own philosophical route in life and saw Christianity and organized religion as being no positive or logical part of it. Even more than I, he wore it on his sleeve with teeth bared and pride abroad beckoning all who felt the need to engage in any sort of philosophical belief-battle-BS. The parents did not appreciate it, but such was just fodder for the cannon fight.

11-01-2009, 10:52 PM	#7
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,035	I grew up in a very, very religious environment. I knew I didn't share their faith at around 13 or 14. The next few years were horrible but I can't say which was worse - the periods during which I was honest or the periods during which I pretended to be something I wasn't. However, looking back, I am very proud of myself for the way I handled it. I wa alway obedient. when I was living under my mother's roof, I lived by her rules. I also was respectful of their beliefs and always supported them, knowing that it brought meaning to their lives. I stuck it out until I finished high school, and less than a week later I was gone. Never returned. I feel for you. The next few years might not be easy but if you handle YOURSELF in a way you can be proud of, then you will find happiness.