I chickened out and cancelled my appointment with my counsellor

LonelyMoondancer · 10-27-2009, 02:27 AM

I saw her from January to June of this year, and then couldn't see her all summer and was trying desparately to find someone else for the last few months, because I feel like she's not too helpful. But I gave up and decided to see her this week. The appointment should have been this morning but I panicked and cancelled it. I'm not too sure why, I just woke up feeling awful and wasn't in the mood, and I didn't know what to say.
I'm not sure if she's not asking me the right questions or if I'm not saying the right things, but I'm not getting anywhere with her. Every session feels like an interview, and more often than not I leave feeling worse than before. It's like I go to her to unbottle my emotions and then just kind of let them sit around unresolved. She asks me questions but she doesn't give any input... she's full of questions and she always gives me blank stares. I know she's relatively new to her career and she'll get better with time but I need help now. It's proven to be impossible for me to see anyone else, she's my only choice it seems for the next several months, or maybe someone else on campus. But do I just ask her if I can see someone else because she's not cutting it? That seems mean... or do I tell her she's not helping me? I don't know if it's my fault I never feel better. My mom tells me things like to try harder or to think of the good things I have going but it doesn't help. I'm aware that I have some good things going for me, it isn't enough it seems. I just have too much inside me and I don't even think I understand what my problem is exactly and it's discouraging to put so much effort into opening up at counselling and have it not help.

top bloke · 10-27-2009, 02:39 AM

Its time to see someone better. If she is not helping then get somebody who can. It sounds like a psychologist I met once..all questions and no direction.
I think yes het a new psychiatrist that will help you heal...

loulee · 10-27-2009, 03:41 AM

That seems mean... or do I tell her she's not helping me? I don't know if it's my fault I never feel better. My mom tells me things like to try harder or to think of the good things I have going but it doesn't help. I'm aware that I have some good things going for me, it isn't enough it seems.
Its not mean scrap her!!! Your therapist should be very interactive, offering strategies for you to achieve 'wellness" If you feel like you are talking to a brick..then this therapist is clearly of no benefit to you..seek someone else and pronto..good luck

Nidania · 10-27-2009, 08:37 AM

One thing you cannot be worried about is hurting your therapist's feelings. You are not there to help them feel better about themselves, they are supposed to be helping you feel better about YOURself.

It sounds like this person is not a good fit for you. I would definitely recommend finding someone you can work with and who will give you the feedback you need. They are out there, I had one myself that was fantastic. She would start each session with "So what is the one thing that is most on your mind this week?" and we would branch out from there, with her asking just enough questions to keep me focused, but she would respond to my dialog with helpful ways of dealing with what I was feeling.

I would not hesitate to find a better therapist if I were you. You are worth it.

LonelyMoondancer · 10-28-2009, 02:09 AM

Thank you guys. But do I tell her to her face that she's not helpful? I know I should think of myself in this case but I can't help it, she has feelings. I can't go find someone outside of my school, because I'm on a waiting list for several months at one hospital and other options are too expensive and not covered by my parents' insurance. So I'd have to ask for someone else at my school, it'd be so awkward. Or maybe I can talk to the front desk about it... I guess I know I need to confront this some way or another but I hate hurting people's feelings.

greywolf · 10-28-2009, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonelyMoondancer

Thank you guys. But do I tell her to her face that she's not helpful? I know I should think of myself in this case but I can't help it, she has feelings. I can't go find someone outside of my school, because I'm on a waiting list for several months at one hospital and other options are too expensive and not covered by my parents' insurance. So I'd have to ask for someone else at my school, it'd be so awkward. Or maybe I can talk to the front desk about it... I guess I know I need to confront this some way or another but I hate hurting people's feelings.

Just tell her that you think you need a different type of therapy. Everyone responds differently to different things. What doesn't work for you might work for someone else. Therapists know this.

sopranofille · 10-29-2009, 05:03 PM

Breaking up with your therapist is really difficult.

Basically though, you've just got to do it. If you can talk to the front desk about it, just tell them you would like to see someone different. If they ask you why, just say that you do not feel like you are connecting with her, and that you would like to see someone else. Insist that you see someone else.

If you don't want to confront her about it, you don't have to. But if you do, don't worry about hurting her feelings. Your feelings are what the therapy is all about anyway, not hers. I'd probably talk to the front desk in this situation, and ask for an appointment with someone else.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

10-27-2009, 02:27 AM	#1
LonelyMoondancer Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 277	I chickened out and cancelled my appointment with my counsellor I saw her from January to June of this year, and then couldn't see her all summer and was trying desparately to find someone else for the last few months, because I feel like she's not too helpful. But I gave up and decided to see her this week. The appointment should have been this morning but I panicked and cancelled it. I'm not too sure why, I just woke up feeling awful and wasn't in the mood, and I didn't know what to say. I'm not sure if she's not asking me the right questions or if I'm not saying the right things, but I'm not getting anywhere with her. Every session feels like an interview, and more often than not I leave feeling worse than before. It's like I go to her to unbottle my emotions and then just kind of let them sit around unresolved. She asks me questions but she doesn't give any input... she's full of questions and she always gives me blank stares. I know she's relatively new to her career and she'll get better with time but I need help now. It's proven to be impossible for me to see anyone else, she's my only choice it seems for the next several months, or maybe someone else on campus. But do I just ask her if I can see someone else because she's not cutting it? That seems mean... or do I tell her she's not helping me? I don't know if it's my fault I never feel better. My mom tells me things like to try harder or to think of the good things I have going but it doesn't help. I'm aware that I have some good things going for me, it isn't enough it seems. I just have too much inside me and I don't even think I understand what my problem is exactly and it's discouraging to put so much effort into opening up at counselling and have it not help.

10-27-2009, 02:39 AM	#2
top bloke Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Australia Gender: Male Age: 41 Posts: 2,057	Its time to see someone better. If she is not helping then get somebody who can. It sounds like a psychologist I met once..all questions and no direction. I think yes het a new psychiatrist that will help you heal... __________________ You have choices!

10-27-2009, 03:41 AM	#3
loulee Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: QLD Australia Gender: Female Posts: 834	That seems mean... or do I tell her she's not helping me? I don't know if it's my fault I never feel better. My mom tells me things like to try harder or to think of the good things I have going but it doesn't help. I'm aware that I have some good things going for me, it isn't enough it seems. Its not mean scrap her!!! Your therapist should be very interactive, offering strategies for you to achieve 'wellness" If you feel like you are talking to a brick..then this therapist is clearly of no benefit to you..seek someone else and pronto..good luck

10-27-2009, 08:37 AM	#4
Nidania Online Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 347	One thing you cannot be worried about is hurting your therapist's feelings. You are not there to help them feel better about themselves, they are supposed to be helping you feel better about YOURself. It sounds like this person is not a good fit for you. I would definitely recommend finding someone you can work with and who will give you the feedback you need. They are out there, I had one myself that was fantastic. She would start each session with "So what is the one thing that is most on your mind this week?" and we would branch out from there, with her asking just enough questions to keep me focused, but she would respond to my dialog with helpful ways of dealing with what I was feeling. I would not hesitate to find a better therapist if I were you. You are worth it.

10-28-2009, 02:09 AM	#5
LonelyMoondancer Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 277	Thank you guys. But do I tell her to her face that she's not helpful? I know I should think of myself in this case but I can't help it, she has feelings. I can't go find someone outside of my school, because I'm on a waiting list for several months at one hospital and other options are too expensive and not covered by my parents' insurance. So I'd have to ask for someone else at my school, it'd be so awkward. Or maybe I can talk to the front desk about it... I guess I know I need to confront this some way or another but I hate hurting people's feelings.

10-29-2009, 05:03 PM	#7
sopranofille Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Kansas, USA Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 279	Breaking up with your therapist is really difficult. Basically though, you've just got to do it. If you can talk to the front desk about it, just tell them you would like to see someone different. If they ask you why, just say that you do not feel like you are connecting with her, and that you would like to see someone else. Insist that you see someone else. If you don't want to confront her about it, you don't have to. But if you do, don't worry about hurting her feelings. Your feelings are what the therapy is all about anyway, not hers. I'd probably talk to the front desk in this situation, and ask for an appointment with someone else. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.