My Aunt isn't doing too well, cancer.

fixyou_ · 10-26-2009, 08:57 PM

Okay, so my Aunt just turned 50 last week and we had a huge surprise party for her (over 200 people from all over the place) last week. About 10 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. Shortly after that, they found the cancer in her brain three times and have operated and removed cancer. I'm not sure of the official name, but she has the cancer in her bones too and it's become too hard for her to walk. With all of the treatment lately (she goes every Friday) over the past 10 years, it's starting to take a toll on her neurologically. She can't stop shaking her head, and it is very embarrassing to her, even though none of us care what she looks like. This past summer it has been too difficult for her to walk anywhere, so when we went to an amusement park (for all of the kids), my uncle bought her a wheelchair. She loves being pampered, and we all love to pamper her, so pushing her around in the hot summer heat watching her enjoy herself was a reward in itself. While everyone else was on rides, I was pushing her and I stopped at a little shop and we sat in the shade and bought us huge ice creams. Our family got stuck on the ride and we couldn't stop laughing because my uncle/her husband was the last to get off and he's a big scaredy-cat anyways.

So, lately she can't even walk around in her house. She falls, and Sunday night she smashed her teeth through her lip. I feel so bad, I would take her place in a heartbeat. She was unconscious and had to go to the hospital. The doctor's said it's from the years of treatment taking a toll on her brain, as mentioned, and that there's nothing that they can do, but try PT. She said she knows what she wants to do physically, but she can't do it because of her brain, so I'm guessing neurons?

My cousin/her daughter and husband/kids moved across the street from her to their first house, and everyone is really happy. I just feel so awful about my aunt. I don't want her to have to suffer this pain and not be able to function. No one deserves that. At her 50th birthday party, she looked over at my mom, so sadly, and said "I wish I could just stop shaking."

I love my aunt. Absolutely love her. I've been really sick lately, and don't want to go near her for obvious reasons. She really loves this coffee place, and it's not too far from my school, and she's only about 20 mins from there, so when I'm better, I'm going to drop some off.

I don't know what to say to her though. I don't want to make her cry. I've never actually talked to her about her cancer, it's always been just been unspoken, but I've always helped her and I always drop off goodies for her. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't think taking her out somewhere would be okay, due to her situation, even though I would bring the wheelchair. What about offering to clean their house and do laundry or take the dog for a walk? I have Tuesday and Thursdays off. My uncle works a lot and has hip problems from a car accident, and I know the cancer has taken a toll on him too, and I love him dearly as well.

Ac143 · 10-26-2009, 09:25 PM

My mom has breast cancer so I know how hard it can be on a family & it certainly does take a toll on the people around them. I read this & I wanted to cry, its so sad & Im soooo sorry your aunt, you & your family have to deal with this

I think cleaning her house, cooking or laundry sounds wonderful! I'm sure your aunt, uncle & even your cousin would really appreciate it. My mom always like when I got her something small, like a card, candy, fruit anything to show her I cared.

I know the cancer has been unspoken for you & your aunt, but if you are comfortable enough maybe just let her know if she needs anyone to talk to or someone just to listen - you are there for her? My thoughts and prayers are with you & your family!

fixyou_ · 10-26-2009, 09:41 PM

Thank you, my prayers are also with you and your mother.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ac143

My mom has breast cancer so I know how hard it can be on a family & it certainly does take a toll on the people around them. I read this & I wanted to cry, its so sad & Im soooo sorry your aunt, you & your family have to deal with this

I think cleaning her house, cooking or laundry sounds wonderful! I'm sure your aunt, uncle & even your cousin would really appreciate it. My mom always like when I got her something small, like a card, candy, fruit anything to show her I cared.

I know the cancer has been unspoken for you & your aunt, but if you are comfortable enough maybe just let her know if she needs anyone to talk to or someone just to listen - you are there for her? My thoughts and prayers are with you & your family!

_Asti_ · 10-26-2009, 09:46 PM

I think helping out as much as you can around the house is a great way to show support.

I know for my family [my mom is battling cancer...] its the day to day stuff that can be tiring.
Its always nice when someone sends over dinner, its just one less thing for my dad to do. I watch my dad and what he goes through, travelling for work, and taking care of my Mom, running the house, etc..ANY help he gets is appreciated.
Just saying "Dad, I'm coming home tonight, go out with a friend for the evening..." is much appreciated, because I get time with her, and he gets to clear his head.

I don't really have much suggestions, as my Mom is quite private.
But her cancer is at the point where she cannot be alone anymore, and we all do our best to 'take turns' making sure that we spend time wtih her [she just enjoys having someone in the house...]
Does she like movies, or books, magazines? My Mom certainly enjoys that.

People have been so thoughtful with the gifts, but I think whats also great is when people think of those around them who are also part of it. The spouse, the children, easing their work load.

Ask your uncle if there's anything you can do for him.
Anything you can do for her.

fixyou_ · 10-26-2009, 09:54 PM

Yes, she loves reading and movies. Thanks for that suggestion

You better be very proud of yourself for helping out your parents as well, my prayers are also with you and your family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Asti_

I think helping out as much as you can around the house is a great way to show support.

I know for my family [my mom is battling cancer...] its the day to day stuff that can be tiring.
Its always nice when someone sends over dinner, its just one less thing for my dad to do. I watch my dad and what he goes through, travelling for work, and taking care of my Mom, running the house, etc..ANY help he gets is appreciated.
Just saying "Dad, I'm coming home tonight, go out with a friend for the evening..." is much appreciated, because I get time with her, and he gets to clear his head.

I don't really have much suggestions, as my Mom is quite private.
But her cancer is at the point where she cannot be alone anymore, and we all do our best to 'take turns' making sure that we spend time wtih her [she just enjoys having someone in the house...]
Does she like movies, or books, magazines? My Mom certainly enjoys that.

People have been so thoughtful with the gifts, but I think whats also great is when people think of those around them who are also part of it. The spouse, the children, easing their work load.

Ask your uncle if there's anything you can do for him.
Anything you can do for her.

10-26-2009, 08:57 PM	#1
fixyou_ Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: MA Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 318	My Aunt isn't doing too well, cancer. Okay, so my Aunt just turned 50 last week and we had a huge surprise party for her (over 200 people from all over the place) last week. About 10 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. Shortly after that, they found the cancer in her brain three times and have operated and removed cancer. I'm not sure of the official name, but she has the cancer in her bones too and it's become too hard for her to walk. With all of the treatment lately (she goes every Friday) over the past 10 years, it's starting to take a toll on her neurologically. She can't stop shaking her head, and it is very embarrassing to her, even though none of us care what she looks like. This past summer it has been too difficult for her to walk anywhere, so when we went to an amusement park (for all of the kids), my uncle bought her a wheelchair. She loves being pampered, and we all love to pamper her, so pushing her around in the hot summer heat watching her enjoy herself was a reward in itself. While everyone else was on rides, I was pushing her and I stopped at a little shop and we sat in the shade and bought us huge ice creams. Our family got stuck on the ride and we couldn't stop laughing because my uncle/her husband was the last to get off and he's a big scaredy-cat anyways. So, lately she can't even walk around in her house. She falls, and Sunday night she smashed her teeth through her lip. I feel so bad, I would take her place in a heartbeat. She was unconscious and had to go to the hospital. The doctor's said it's from the years of treatment taking a toll on her brain, as mentioned, and that there's nothing that they can do, but try PT. She said she knows what she wants to do physically, but she can't do it because of her brain, so I'm guessing neurons? My cousin/her daughter and husband/kids moved across the street from her to their first house, and everyone is really happy. I just feel so awful about my aunt. I don't want her to have to suffer this pain and not be able to function. No one deserves that. At her 50th birthday party, she looked over at my mom, so sadly, and said "I wish I could just stop shaking." I love my aunt. Absolutely love her. I've been really sick lately, and don't want to go near her for obvious reasons. She really loves this coffee place, and it's not too far from my school, and she's only about 20 mins from there, so when I'm better, I'm going to drop some off. I don't know what to say to her though. I don't want to make her cry. I've never actually talked to her about her cancer, it's always been just been unspoken, but I've always helped her and I always drop off goodies for her. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't think taking her out somewhere would be okay, due to her situation, even though I would bring the wheelchair. What about offering to clean their house and do laundry or take the dog for a walk? I have Tuesday and Thursdays off. My uncle works a lot and has hip problems from a car accident, and I know the cancer has taken a toll on him too, and I love him dearly as well. __________________ Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense. e. e. cummings

10-26-2009, 09:25 PM	#2
Ac143 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Paradise city.... Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 2,274	My mom has breast cancer so I know how hard it can be on a family & it certainly does take a toll on the people around them. I read this & I wanted to cry, its so sad & Im soooo sorry your aunt, you & your family have to deal with this I think cleaning her house, cooking or laundry sounds wonderful! I'm sure your aunt, uncle & even your cousin would really appreciate it. My mom always like when I got her something small, like a card, candy, fruit anything to show her I cared. I know the cancer has been unspoken for you & your aunt, but if you are comfortable enough maybe just let her know if she needs anyone to talk to or someone just to listen - you are there for her? My thoughts and prayers are with you & your family! __________________ Soon to be Mrs... on 6/6/09 & I cannot wait :) We did it!!.......

10-26-2009, 09:46 PM	#4
_Asti_ Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 2,353	I think helping out as much as you can around the house is a great way to show support. I know for my family [my mom is battling cancer...] its the day to day stuff that can be tiring. Its always nice when someone sends over dinner, its just one less thing for my dad to do. I watch my dad and what he goes through, travelling for work, and taking care of my Mom, running the house, etc..ANY help he gets is appreciated. Just saying "Dad, I'm coming home tonight, go out with a friend for the evening..." is much appreciated, because I get time with her, and he gets to clear his head. I don't really have much suggestions, as my Mom is quite private. But her cancer is at the point where she cannot be alone anymore, and we all do our best to 'take turns' making sure that we spend time wtih her [she just enjoys having someone in the house...] Does she like movies, or books, magazines? My Mom certainly enjoys that. People have been so thoughtful with the gifts, but I think whats also great is when people think of those around them who are also part of it. The spouse, the children, easing their work load. Ask your uncle if there's anything you can do for him. Anything you can do for her. __________________ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ __________________ I got so much love For you darlin' and I, I wanna let you know how I feel And it's true that I love you And it's true your the only one and I do, I adore you And it's true You make me feel alive ___________________