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my boyfriend pretty much only wants it in the missionary position


Georgia_girl44

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enough said.

 

He ALWAYS wants to have sex in the missionary position and while I love that because it feels good, I also love other positions (especially from behind) but his excuse is that he "just loves to look at my gorgeous face"

 

And while that is so sweet and wonderful, I'd love for him to initiate other positions..not just the same old same old.

We've been together for almost a year and a half now and while I know that couples often have TONS of sex in the beginning and then wane off, I just feel like I'm constantly initiating it. When I ask him why he doesn't want to have sex, his excuse is "I'm just tired, babe!" And then I get upset and often go to sleep mad because I feel like maybe I'm not attractive to him anymore (even though I look just like I did when we met).

 

Any thoughts?

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yeh, I tell him exactly how I feel because I would rather be over-honest than not. I even came home last night in my sexy minnie mouse costume (halloween party) and I had to initiate the sex..

I initiate sex 95% of the time. I buy sex toys and stuff when my girlfriends have sex toy parties and I bring them home to him only to have him not care at all. I wear lingerie, offer to give him head, NOTHING WORKS ANYMORE. Seriously, I'm so close to just giving up. I know he masturbates a lot, but he always has so I doubt that has anything to do with it.

 

I love him, but I dont feel wanted at all.

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What does he say to you when you tell him how you feel? I can understand how frustrating it may be when you are putting in all the effort and he just seems like he doesn't care.

All he says is that I'm being over-dramatic and that couples don't have to have sex all the time. That he'd rather cuddle and sleep close than have sex sometimes.

 

Then when I get mad and roll over to go to sleep (or sometimes cry because I'm so frustrated), he tells me "this is the s hit that p isses him off"

 

Am I being too concerned with this?

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All he says is that I'm being over-dramatic and that couples don't have to have sex all the time. That he'd rather cuddle and sleep close than have sex sometimes.

 

Then when I get mad and roll over to go to sleep (or sometimes cry because I'm so frustrated), he tells me "this is the s hit that p isses him off"

 

Am I being too concerned with this?

 

It doesn't matter what other couples do. It matters what you and his needs and wants are. You want and need more sex.

 

You say you cry after he denies you and then he becomes upset. Can you give us more detail with that?

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All he says is that I'm being over-dramatic and that couples don't have to have sex all the time. That he'd rather cuddle and sleep close than have sex sometimes.

 

Then when I get mad and roll over to go to sleep (or sometimes cry because I'm so frustrated), he tells me "this is the s hit that p isses him off"

 

Am I being too concerned with this?

 

No, I don't think you're overreacting at all.

 

In my opinion, sex is very important in a relationship. It takes effort on both sides to make things work. You have every right to be frustrated because I would be too.

 

I agree, that you don't have to have sex all the time, but if you are barely having sex that is a problem just as well.

 

You need to really think about things. Is this something you are willing to put up with? Eventually it may start to eat up at you. I know you have already spoken to him time and time again, but I would continue to speak to him about it. Let him know that his lack of interest with sex makes you feel insecure and that you want to come up with a common ground.

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It doesn't matter what other couples do. It matters what you and his needs and wants are. You want and need more sex.

 

You say you cry after he denies you and then he becomes upset. Can you give us more detail with that?

When we're laying in bed at night, I understand we've both had a hard day at work and we're both tired, but I would like to connect with him and have sex. If I ask for it or hint at us having sex and he's not in the mood, he becomes upset like i'm asking him to cut his leg off. He's starts to whine and say "Not tonight, baby. Let's do it in the morning" (which never happens)

Then I start playing around and continuing hinting at it playfully and he will continue to shut me down. So then I usually play the guilt card "Whatever, we never have sex anymore" and he comes back with "Oh god! Yes we do! I just dont want it all the time"

 

It's at this point that I just roll over and cry. If he hears my crying he just says "Stop crying. Just because I dont want sex doesnt mean you have to cry. See, this is the s hit that p isses me off!"

 

Thats how it usually goes.

 

 

I feel the same way that our relationship is not everyone else's relationship. To be honest, it started out with us wanting it the same amount-- all the time. And now, he could go a month without it if I didnt say something. I work at a lingerie store and sometimes he comes in but doesnt show any interest in having me try anything on or picking something out for me. Sometimes, this makes me feel more like a friend than a girlfriend.

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Do you think he could be cheating on you?

 

Do you fight a lot now? The biggest turnoffs are financial problems and such.

 

You say that you play the guilt card and cry on a regular basis. I understand your frustration but these things are more likely to turn him off more. Also, you push him for sex after he says no. Have you tried not making any moves and telling him that you'll lay off and he can come to you when he's ready? I'd give that a try. Take the pressure and fighting out of the situation and see what happens.

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Do you think he could be cheating on you?

 

Do you fight a lot now? The biggest turnoffs are financial problems and such.

 

You say that you play the guilt card and cry on a regular basis. I understand your frustration but these things are more likely to turn him off more. Also, you push him for sex after he says no. Have you tried not making any moves and telling him that you'll lay off and he can come to you when he's ready? I'd give that a try. Take the pressure and fighting out of the situation and see what happens.

We've had issues in the past with fidelity (his side being talking to girls online or through text behind my back, and I was so upset that I gave a post-high school fling head. We've both done sh itty things, but I know he's not physically cheating. This is all for another thread at some point) but he's not cheating on me. (That I know about of course)

 

He's had financial problems during our entire relationship. But I feel like if I just sit back and tell him to come to me when he wants it, then that's defeating what I feel about us being able to be open...like I should be able as a woman to say when I want sex. I guess if he says no, then I shouldnt pressure him, but I feel like if I didn't pressure him, we'd never had sex at all.

 

I really dont think this is normal for a couple in their 20's to be going through after only a year and a half together.

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You can try it out, and see if he will come to you if you don't always initiate it. If he still doesn't budge, then you have to come up with a solution.

 

Do you guys talk about marriage?

 

If you don't see yourself settling down with him, then I suggest that you rethink about your relationship. If he is not satisfying your needs, then you should look for it elsewhere.

 

I can tell that sex is very important to you, definitely understandable. It's sad, but sometimes we have to look out for ourselves.

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Throw out the notion of "normal'. There is only happy and unhappy. You are both unhappy and therefore it needs to be fixed. As I said before, don't think about what other couples are doing. You shouldn't care what they're doing.

 

Sounds like a lot of this is psychological. The cheating (on both sides) is coming to a head here. Do you think he ever really forgave you for cheating? Did you forgive him? I would start there as I think that's the core issue.

 

I got back together with my boyfriend and I can tell you that forgiveness is a funny thing. You think for sure that you've given/recieved it and then you realize that you've only fooled yourself. It takes a long time to get over these things and we often aren't aware of our own feelings.

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You can try it out, and see if he will come to you if you don't always initiate it. If he still doesn't budge, then you have to come up with a solution.

 

Do you guys talk about marriage?

 

If you don't see yourself settling down with him, then I suggest that you rethink about your relationship. If he is not satisfying your needs, then you should look for it elsewhere.

 

I can tell that sex is very important to you, definitely understandable. It's sad, but sometimes we have to look out for ourselves.

We talk about marriage and we have a dog together thats sort of like our baby (we talk to the dog in the 3rd person using "mommy" and "daddy"..lame, I know) but I honestly dont see him ever having the money saving skills to surprise me with the ring that I deserve. I even looked at some last weekend because I had to time to kill after working my second job at the mall and a few days later he and I were in the mall together and we went in to look and you could tell it wasnt going to happen for another year or so atleast. This is all besides the point, but all of this is starting to make me reassess my relationship. Am I just with him because I want someone there when I get home and I want someone to sleep in the bed with at night? ugh

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Throw out the notion of "normal'. There is only happy and unhappy. You are both unhappy and therefore it needs to be fixed. As I said before, don't think about what other couples are doing. You shouldn't care what they're doing.

 

Sounds like a lot of this is psychological. The cheating (on both sides) is coming to a head here. Do you think he ever really forgave you for cheating? Did you forgive him? I would start there as I think that's the core issue.

 

I got back together with my boyfriend and I can tell you that forgiveness is a funny thing. You think for sure that you've given/recieved it and then you realize that you've only fooled yourself. It takes a long time to get over these things and we often aren't aware of our own feelings.

I can tell you that I obsess over what he's doing and who he's talking to 24 hours a day. If I'm not with him, I want to know what he's doing. If I'm on the phone with him and I hear him typing on his computer, I immediately ask him who he's typing to.. because I start thinking the worst. I go through his phone (which has proven him guilty on more than one occasion) and he is constantly keeping his phone with him so that I wont go through it. It's exhausting. I love him and I dont want to be apart from him for even a day, but I dont know what to do.

 

I have not forgiven what he's done and I bet he hasnt forgiven me either. But then I step back and look at the way we are together and our chemistry and I cant see myself marrying anyone besides him. I dont think I would ever find someone with the same chemistry

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Then that's what this is all about. Try and forget about sex for a while and work on your friendship and trust with him.

 

I consider sex to be the top of the pyramid that is a relationship (if you view it like a structure). Relationship sex, to me, is only possible with solid trust, respect, friendship, and everything else needed for a relationship. Good sex is a good indicator that everything else is working just dandy in the rest of the relationship.

 

So, turns out your issue isn't about sex at all. Talk to him about the issues you mentioned here. The trust issues, the friendship issues, the intimacy issues. This doesn't have to be a fight either. Become a team and work out ways to strengthen your relationship. Write down things you'd like to do and experiences you'd like to share. A good camping trip or road trip will strengthen you in ways I can't even describe if you put your heart into it. Spend 30 minutes a day just talking about anything other than bills and schedules. Talk about books, movies, hobbies. Think of things you used to do together and things you want to do together.

 

It'll come with time but it will take actual work.

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To be honest, I think that there's a lot more that you have to work on in your relationship than lack of sex.

 

There is also a lack of communication, lack of trust and lack of commitment. A healthy relationship consists of all these things.

 

If you truly want to work things out with him, then all these issues need to be addressed just as well.

 

I know that you mentioned that you ask him who he is talking to, what he is doing etc. Does he do the same with you? Sometimes you just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

All these problems can also be the cause for the lack of sex that you are experiencing with him.

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To be honest, I think that there's a lot more that you have to work on in your relationship than lack of sex.

 

There is also a lack of communication, lack of trust and lack of commitment. A healthy relationship consists of all these things.

 

If you truly want to work things out with him, then all these issues need to be addressed just as well.

 

I know that you mentioned that you ask him who he is talking to, what he is doing etc. Does he do the same with you? Sometimes you just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

All these problems can also be the cause for the lack of sex that you are experiencing with him.

it's hard to give him the benefit of the doubt when I know what he's done to me in the past.

we do the same thing to each other when it comes to the whole wanting to know what each other is doing all the time..mine may be a little more but i think we're about the same really.

 

I wonder if all of this is cause to just break up and move on, or should I give it a chance and work on it?

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it's hard to give him the benefit of the doubt when I know what he's done to me in the past.

we do the same thing to each other when it comes to the whole wanting to know what each other is doing all the time..mine may be a little more but i think we're about the same really.

 

I wonder if all of this is cause to just break up and move on, or should I give it a chance and work on it?

 

Why the double standard? You say it's hard because you know what he's done to you in the past, but you cheated on him just as well.

 

I'm not stating it as keeping tabs, but you were also in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

How do you truly feel? Do you want to try to work things out? If you do, you will have to learn to trust him - without trust you have nothing.

 

If you can't see past that, and work on other aspects of your relationship, then I think it's best that you part ways and start finding your happiness elsewhere.

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Why the double standard? You say it's hard because you know what he's done to you in the past, but you cheated on him just as well.

 

I'm not stating it as keeping tabs, but you were also in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

 

yes, thats why I said I had not forgiven him and he had not forgiven me.

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If you both keep holding onto grudges your relationship will not get any better.

 

You need to speak to him about this and come up with a common solution, to make things work.

 

I know it's difficult, but it's necessary. Otherwise, your relationship will pretty much be doomed.

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care to elaborate?

 

This man is yelling at you while you're already crying. That's like kicking someone when you're down. You have to hide your tears from him so he doesn't yell at you. Is that loving or respectful? Wouldn't you prefer to have him comfort you when you cry? Has it gotten to the point where this is normal or okay?

 

I'm sorry, the reaction he shows to your pain is not indicative of a good heart.

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