Pain in the .......

katykat26 · 10-25-2009, 03:37 PM

Okay,

My best friend in Univeristy got engaged valentines day this year yea im happy for her even though the day before valentines day she was ready to break up with her fiance.

Any way its all she talks about, we're in our final year which means alot of work and she can't focus her mind on it. She's booked her wedding for may 2011 and all she ever wants to talk about it "What do you think of this" Does this sound okay? But it's during lessons and instead of writing notes and doing the readings for classes she's writing guest lists or reading wedding magazines. When i bring up or tell her to stop going on about it she calls me jealous that my boyfriend has asked me to marry him. And all i can come back to her with is that its more important to finish uni well and let my boyfriend finish his Masters and PHD. I can't understand where she's coming from. My boyfriend and i are planningto get married in 2013. (forgotten about for the time being)

It's all she worries and cares about money and how is she going to saved the £28,000 she needs for the wedding and honeymoon. It is really grating on me.
What the hell can i do if she keeps going on about it sh's one of my closest friends!!!

Rant Over

Every time she strikes a nerve and i get really angry with her i just wanna get on with my work.

Cognitive_Canine · 10-25-2009, 03:53 PM

Let her have her fun. It'll really bite her in the butt when exams come and she realizes that weddings aren't all that fun to plan for (they really aren't).

It's good of you to worry about her but you've said your piece and she's choosen to ignore it. I'm sure she's annoying all of her friends at this point.

katykat26 · 10-25-2009, 04:04 PM

It seems to be driving a wedge between everyone in our group of friends we're all happy for her up they have all seemed to have left her but me they dont sit near us during lectures and i feel like if i do the same she'll either go mental or get up set. I really couldn't imagine planning my wedding now way to much work and effort even my boyfriend is getting annoyed threating me if i turn in to that he's not marrying me It's over kill she has already blown her all of her loan (£1500) on seat covers and caged doves for the big day. As well as her over draft on her engagment ring and wedding bands. It's crazy !!!

Cognitive_Canine · 10-25-2009, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katykat26

It seems to be driving a wedge between everyone in our group of friends we're all happy for her up they have all seemed to have left her but me they dont sit near us during lectures and i feel like if i do the same she'll either go mental or get up set. I really couldn't imagine planning my wedding now way to much work and effort even my boyfriend is getting annoyed threating me if i turn in to that he's not marrying me It's over kill she has already blown her all of her loan (£1500) on seat covers and caged doves for the big day. As well as her over draft on her engagment ring and wedding bands. It's crazy !!!

Most likely she is using the wedding planning to distract herself from the stress of school and the unhappiness from her relationship. You mentioned that she was about to break up with her boyfriend before he proposed. It's probably still bothering her but she's too busy throwing up walls of "planning" to protect herself from the bad thoughts.

Again, it's good that you want to help her out but...you're her friend, not her doormat/wedding planner/punching bag. You have a boyfriend and school to worry about too.

HEMI_dude · 10-25-2009, 04:08 PM

Only thing you can do that i see is to tell her off and most likely lose a friend.

But i agree with the first poster, let her have her fun. Its only a matter of time till she figures out how much of a pain a wedding is.

Also 2011 is pretty far away anything can happen and they can easily break up.

So for now you just have to hang in there and listen to her, better yet just zone out.

Cognitive_Canine · 10-25-2009, 04:11 PM

Another thing you can do is joke it off

"that wedding is all you talk about"
"it's 2 years away!"
"don't you have school to worry about"
'I don't know why you ask for my help, I know nothing about this"

But, say it in a light manner. After a while, you won't be fun to her anymore because all you do is casually side step the one topic she wants to talk about. She'll find someone else to talk to. Eventually the wedding plans will wear off and she'll be back.

Jd1118 · 10-25-2009, 04:12 PM

I agree, 2 years is actually a long way from now - anything can happen. I would just listen to what she has to say, and hope that it will eventually wear off.

AntiLove_SuperStar · 10-25-2009, 04:14 PM

2011?! That's nearly 2 years away.

I think something deeper is going on here, as another poster said. Its not normal to be so engrossed in plans for a wedding - well, anything actually - that is so far away. It sounds like a sort of denial - of her not-so-good relationship, or her impending exams. Something anyway, because this isn't normal. But how you could bring that up with her, I'm not sure, it depends on her personality and the nature of your friendship. Think its a conversation that needs to happen though.

Her fiance..whats his take on all this?

katykat26 · 10-25-2009, 04:21 PM

Yea her boyfriend is 9 years older than she is but acts like a child they were really rough at the start of the year and bam! engaged! it's beyond me i am starting to think god please let her not contact me when we finish uni i can't be bothered with the stress. But the thing is she has another guy texting her and she flirting and stuff and it's getting to be like a soap opera! I've joked about it being 2 years away and all she's said is yea that's why im ordering a dress 2 sizes smaller so i can lose weight ( Yes she has already ordered her dress) It's insane!
Thanks for the tips i think im going to try and ignore her I'm just glad that it's not just me that finds this OTT!!

Cognitive_Canine · 10-25-2009, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katykat26

Yea her boyfriend is 9 years older than she is but acts like a child they were really rough at the start of the year and bam! engaged! it's beyond me i am starting to think god please let her not contact me when we finish uni i can't be bothered with the stress. But the thing is she has another guy texting her and she flirting and stuff and it's getting to be like a soap opera! I've joked about it being 2 years away and all she's said is yea that's why im ordering a dress 2 sizes smaller so i can lose weight ( Yes she has already ordered her dress) It's insane!
Thanks for the tips i think im going to try and ignore her I'm just glad that it's not just me that finds this OTT!!

Honestly, she sounds like she is being very immature. I'd find her behaviour extremely annoying.

10-25-2009, 03:37 PM	#1
katykat26 Offline Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Gender: Female Posts: 29	Pain in the ....... Okay, My best friend in Univeristy got engaged valentines day this year yea im happy for her even though the day before valentines day she was ready to break up with her fiance. Any way its all she talks about, we're in our final year which means alot of work and she can't focus her mind on it. She's booked her wedding for may 2011 and all she ever wants to talk about it "What do you think of this" Does this sound okay? But it's during lessons and instead of writing notes and doing the readings for classes she's writing guest lists or reading wedding magazines. When i bring up or tell her to stop going on about it she calls me jealous that my boyfriend has asked me to marry him. And all i can come back to her with is that its more important to finish uni well and let my boyfriend finish his Masters and PHD. I can't understand where she's coming from. My boyfriend and i are planningto get married in 2013. (forgotten about for the time being) It's all she worries and cares about money and how is she going to saved the £28,000 she needs for the wedding and honeymoon. It is really grating on me. What the hell can i do if she keeps going on about it sh's one of my closest friends!!! Rant Over Every time she strikes a nerve and i get really angry with her i just wanna get on with my work. __________________ I offer you my soul You ask If I'll grow to be a wise man Well I ask if I'll grow old You ask me if I known love And what it's like to sing songs in the rain Well,I've seen love come And I've seen it shot down I've seen it die in vain.

10-25-2009, 04:04 PM	#3
katykat26 Offline Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Gender: Female Posts: 29	It seems to be driving a wedge between everyone in our group of friends we're all happy for her up they have all seemed to have left her but me they dont sit near us during lectures and i feel like if i do the same she'll either go mental or get up set. I really couldn't imagine planning my wedding now way to much work and effort even my boyfriend is getting annoyed threating me if i turn in to that he's not marrying me It's over kill she has already blown her all of her loan (£1500) on seat covers and caged doves for the big day. As well as her over draft on her engagment ring and wedding bands. It's crazy !!! __________________ I offer you my soul You ask If I'll grow to be a wise man Well I ask if I'll grow old You ask me if I known love And what it's like to sing songs in the rain Well,I've seen love come And I've seen it shot down I've seen it die in vain.

10-25-2009, 04:08 PM	#5
HEMI_dude Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 483	Only thing you can do that i see is to tell her off and most likely lose a friend. But i agree with the first poster, let her have her fun. Its only a matter of time till she figures out how much of a pain a wedding is. Also 2011 is pretty far away anything can happen and they can easily break up. So for now you just have to hang in there and listen to her, better yet just zone out. __________________ "Kill my boss!?!?.....Do i dare live out the american dream ?" - Homer J. Simpson "Winners have no, shame no matter how they win" - Niccolo Machiavelli

10-25-2009, 04:14 PM	#8
AntiLove_SuperStar Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 2,470	2011?! That's nearly 2 years away. I think something deeper is going on here, as another poster said. Its not normal to be so engrossed in plans for a wedding - well, anything actually - that is so far away. It sounds like a sort of denial - of her not-so-good relationship, or her impending exams. Something anyway, because this isn't normal. But how you could bring that up with her, I'm not sure, it depends on her personality and the nature of your friendship. Think its a conversation that needs to happen though. Her fiance..whats his take on all this? __________________ Don't even TRY it

10-25-2009, 04:21 PM	#9
katykat26 Offline Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Gender: Female Posts: 29	Yea her boyfriend is 9 years older than she is but acts like a child they were really rough at the start of the year and bam! engaged! it's beyond me i am starting to think god please let her not contact me when we finish uni i can't be bothered with the stress. But the thing is she has another guy texting her and she flirting and stuff and it's getting to be like a soap opera! I've joked about it being 2 years away and all she's said is yea that's why im ordering a dress 2 sizes smaller so i can lose weight ( Yes she has already ordered her dress) It's insane! Thanks for the tips i think im going to try and ignore her I'm just glad that it's not just me that finds this OTT!! __________________ I offer you my soul You ask If I'll grow to be a wise man Well I ask if I'll grow old You ask me if I known love And what it's like to sing songs in the rain Well,I've seen love come And I've seen it shot down I've seen it die in vain.

10-25-2009, 03:53 PM	#2
Cognitive_Canine Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,321	Let her have her fun. It'll really bite her in the butt when exams come and she realizes that weddings aren't all that fun to plan for (they really aren't). It's good of you to worry about her but you've said your piece and she's choosen to ignore it. I'm sure she's annoying all of her friends at this point.

10-25-2009, 04:11 PM	#6
Cognitive_Canine Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,321	Another thing you can do is joke it off "that wedding is all you talk about" "it's 2 years away!" "don't you have school to worry about" 'I don't know why you ask for my help, I know nothing about this" But, say it in a light manner. After a while, you won't be fun to her anymore because all you do is casually side step the one topic she wants to talk about. She'll find someone else to talk to. Eventually the wedding plans will wear off and she'll be back.

10-25-2009, 04:12 PM	#7
Jd1118 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 1,141	I agree, 2 years is actually a long way from now - anything can happen. I would just listen to what she has to say, and hope that it will eventually wear off.