I have a question for parents with kids in their late teens/early twenties

heatspreader · 10-23-2009, 10:53 PM

When you take your kid out for lunch or dinner once in a while, do you expect them to pay you back? I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but either I pay for my own food, or I pay my mother back ASAP if she buys me dinner, or else she is on my case about it constantly. It seems like such a petty thing to get on my case about. It's not just you owe me $15 once in a while, it's every other conversation revolves around the fact that I owe her $15. I just don't even ask her for anything at all anymore because it's more stressful than it's worth. I only make a 1/3 of what she makes and trying to make my own life, so it's not like she's poor and I'm leaching off of her.

MoTay · 10-23-2009, 11:00 PM

Quite the opposite. I always expect to pay.

If it were to happen that my 22 year old daughter invited me out, and made a point of paying herself, I would be pleased, and proud. But I don't expect it.

I think it is only reasonable that those of us who are more financially established carry those little burdens. Buying lunch from time to time for my daughter is of no consequence (financially) to me. But to her it might be a bigger deal.

I remember when I was first married, many years ago. My in-laws came and visited us. We were 24 years old and just getting established. My father in law has the shortest arms in the world when the check comes. I was rather offended that I ended up getting the check all weekend. I thought that was pretty crappy of him. I would never treat my kids that way.

unabashed · 10-23-2009, 11:24 PM

Every family is different, so I don't want to judge your mother. But, I also would never ask my daughter to pay me back for a meal out. She's 22, and we just went on a family vacation. I paid all weekend. She offered to pay here and there, but I didn't let her. In fact, I don't make a lot of money, and she knows it. But, she's my daughter and I feel that I should pay for her if I invite her. And, on the same lines, when I visit my parents, they usually insist on paying for most things we do together, although I always offer. In my family, at least, it's a nurturing thing, I guess.

-D- · 10-24-2009, 01:20 AM

I know my mom wouldn't expect me to pay her back if we went out for dinner. Of course, if it was an all the time kind of thing she would probably expect me to chip in. But every once in a while is no biggie.

Victoria66 · 10-24-2009, 10:15 AM

I am 43 and if my mom asks me out she pays and does not mention it. If I ask her out I pay. She should not ask you out if she does not want to pay. I would not go out with her if that was the case.

metrogirl · 10-24-2009, 10:18 AM

I frequently take my kids out to eat and never expect them to pay me back. I'm mom, it's what I do, I like to feed my kids. (shrugs).

I think I would be almost insulted in my kids insisted on paying me back for a meal.

trezz · 10-24-2009, 03:35 PM

i wouldnt ask my children for the money back.

she's your mother it annoys her so as it is only a little money pay before she asks.

sharsachan · 10-24-2009, 04:56 PM

my mom and dad taje us out a couple times a month and they ALWASE pay. sometimes they'll let me pitch in on the tip but not a lot. my MIL will take us out less often, but she never asks us to pay her back either

doyathink · 10-24-2009, 08:53 PM

I pay. Unless I'm financially strapped at the moment I would never let my kids pay.

CmplxDame08 · 10-24-2009, 08:57 PM

I usually pay for my mom unless she just wants to pay (btw I'm the early twenty year old).

10-23-2009, 10:53 PM	#1
heatspreader Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Does it matter? Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 371	I have a question for parents with kids in their late teens/early twenties When you take your kid out for lunch or dinner once in a while, do you expect them to pay you back? I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but either I pay for my own food, or I pay my mother back ASAP if she buys me dinner, or else she is on my case about it constantly. It seems like such a petty thing to get on my case about. It's not just you owe me $15 once in a while, it's every other conversation revolves around the fact that I owe her $15. I just don't even ask her for anything at all anymore because it's more stressful than it's worth. I only make a 1/3 of what she makes and trying to make my own life, so it's not like she's poor and I'm leaching off of her.

10-24-2009, 01:20 AM	#4
-D- Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 477	I know my mom wouldn't expect me to pay her back if we went out for dinner. Of course, if it was an all the time kind of thing she would probably expect me to chip in. But every once in a while is no biggie. __________________ Happiness is not a journey, it's a way of life.

10-24-2009, 10:15 AM	#5
Victoria66 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,600	I am 43 and if my mom asks me out she pays and does not mention it. If I ask her out I pay. She should not ask you out if she does not want to pay. I would not go out with her if that was the case. __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

10-24-2009, 10:18 AM	#6
metrogirl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: SGV Gender: Female Age: 39 Posts: 4,689	I frequently take my kids out to eat and never expect them to pay me back. I'm mom, it's what I do, I like to feed my kids. (shrugs). I think I would be almost insulted in my kids insisted on paying me back for a meal. __________________ Whether one believes in a religion or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion. Dalai Lama Any hope I had for my Seahawks flew out the window when I heard Lofa Tatupu will be out for the rest of the season. (sighs) They call me Ghettro.......Well Scorpion Fury does anyway. LOL

10-24-2009, 03:35 PM	#7
trezz Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: uk Gender: Female Age: 47 Posts: 548	i wouldnt ask my children for the money back. she's your mother it annoys her so as it is only a little money pay before she asks. __________________ say thank you the ena way......click helpful post EQD has spotted my weakness.....quote, 'ena is the new heroin.' LOL...well, Jpo, one more vote from the my-skull-may-be-missing-teeth-but-I-still-have-eyes-in-my-sockets-to-freakin-see gallery, here. TOV making my day about us mature ladies showing our appreciation of Jpo on photo thread.

10-23-2009, 11:00 PM	#2
MoTay Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 191	Quite the opposite. I always expect to pay. If it were to happen that my 22 year old daughter invited me out, and made a point of paying herself, I would be pleased, and proud. But I don't expect it. I think it is only reasonable that those of us who are more financially established carry those little burdens. Buying lunch from time to time for my daughter is of no consequence (financially) to me. But to her it might be a bigger deal. I remember when I was first married, many years ago. My in-laws came and visited us. We were 24 years old and just getting established. My father in law has the shortest arms in the world when the check comes. I was rather offended that I ended up getting the check all weekend. I thought that was pretty crappy of him. I would never treat my kids that way.

10-23-2009, 11:24 PM	#3
unabashed Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 626	Every family is different, so I don't want to judge your mother. But, I also would never ask my daughter to pay me back for a meal out. She's 22, and we just went on a family vacation. I paid all weekend. She offered to pay here and there, but I didn't let her. In fact, I don't make a lot of money, and she knows it. But, she's my daughter and I feel that I should pay for her if I invite her. And, on the same lines, when I visit my parents, they usually insist on paying for most things we do together, although I always offer. In my family, at least, it's a nurturing thing, I guess.

10-24-2009, 04:56 PM	#8
sharsachan Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: nevada Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 549	my mom and dad taje us out a couple times a month and they ALWASE pay. sometimes they'll let me pitch in on the tip but not a lot. my MIL will take us out less often, but she never asks us to pay her back either __________________ Married to Brian, June 21, 2007. Mother to Bear, born April 18, 2008. Mother to Dot, born May 11, 2009. ~we must be strong when we are apart so we can be stronger when we are together~

10-24-2009, 08:53 PM	#9
doyathink Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Venus Gender: Female Posts: 5,313	I pay. Unless I'm financially strapped at the moment I would never let my kids pay. __________________ When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over.

10-24-2009, 08:57 PM	#10
CmplxDame08 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 742	I usually pay for my mom unless she just wants to pay (btw I'm the early twenty year old).