Living with an Alcoholic Mother.

Chris_ · 10-23-2009, 08:45 PM

Hi, I'm 18 and currently live with both parents, alittle brother and a younger sister. I have a serious problem with my mother, I feel as though I'm being hated and love at the same time by my mother. She has a big drinking problem for as long I can remember "Since I was 9" It hurts me alot to see her drinking herself to death and it's heartbreaking to hear some of nasty and evil things she says to me and the rest of our family. My dad tried helping her and so has many others but, all attempts at it has failed. The strangest thing however, is when my mom is sober she the Best loving mother anybody would enjoy being with but, as soon as that first bottle opens it's a opposite world full of hate and pain. I don't understand why would she be mad at anything. She has love and support of family and friends, lives in a good house, not suffering financing but yet it seems like its not enough for her.

I even told my mother when she was sober how I felt and that too failed. If I had the option of leaving the house right now I would, but I cant until I leave for my bootcamp "USAF" just to throw that in there...

Somebody please help!

-D- · 10-23-2009, 09:00 PM

She should definitely seek help if she hasn't yet. There's AA for her and they offer programs for family members as well that might help you cope.

I really recommend it. My dad was an alcoholic and I wish he would have gotten the help he needed before it was too late.

Dinka · 10-23-2009, 10:32 PM

It's really good that you attempted to approach the situation while she was sober. Can I ask why that attempt failed? I'm guessing it was probably difficult for her to hear and accept. Was it just you approaching her, or your whole family? Is it worth giving another try?

abitbroken · 10-23-2009, 10:43 PM

I would suggest finding an Ala Teen group or an Al-Anon group for families of alcoholics. I would also recommend if not that, a program like Celebrate Recovery that tackles codependency - because it is not all totally about the drinking, its about the feelings you may have of feeling responsible or your feelings about yourself being hooked to what is going on.

Your mom is not going to get help unless she believes she is out of control. You mention people love her - do relatives think she is having a problem or do they enable her - pat her on the hug, hug her, and give her another bottle of wine? I know it doesn't make sense if she "has everything," but people who are addicted or have alcoholism don't see that. That's not what they are after. You mentioned you live with both of your parents - what about your dad? Does he drink also? Does he agree that your mother's drinking is a problem and will be an ally or at least protect your siblings?

You have to focus on your own well being because that is all you have.

catfeeder · 10-24-2009, 12:33 AM

I second the AlaTeen or AlaNon suggestion. You'll feel a lot of relief meeting people who know exactly how you feel and can help you cope.

In your corner.

regular joe · 10-29-2009, 10:31 AM

I third the AlaTeen or AlaNon suggestion. I wish I had done something like this myself for my now Ex Girlfriend. She was just like your mother, the kindest most loving person I knew, when she was sober. Almost six months ago I gave her the option to get her life back together or move out. We are at this time no longer together, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I still love her more than anyone I have ever been with in my life, But I could no longer live with the drinking and like you said watching her kill herself slowly. It has caused me many problems and lots of money. Your dad's a good man if he's been putting up with it that long. On the other hand, I did the same thing for a little while, you just get so sick and tired of fighting over it, you say nothing to avoid the fight.

iLoveMyBabyCairo · 10-29-2009, 11:02 AM

Have you and your family tried an intervention? Is rehab a possibility? AA only works if SHE is willing to get the help. You can't force that on her, unfortunately.

In the meantime, I completely agree with the Al-Anon suggestions for helping YOU cope with your mother's alcoholism.

10-23-2009, 08:45 PM	#1
Chris_ Offline Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1	Living with an Alcoholic Mother. Hi, I'm 18 and currently live with both parents, alittle brother and a younger sister. I have a serious problem with my mother, I feel as though I'm being hated and love at the same time by my mother. She has a big drinking problem for as long I can remember "Since I was 9" It hurts me alot to see her drinking herself to death and it's heartbreaking to hear some of nasty and evil things she says to me and the rest of our family. My dad tried helping her and so has many others but, all attempts at it has failed. The strangest thing however, is when my mom is sober she the Best loving mother anybody would enjoy being with but, as soon as that first bottle opens it's a opposite world full of hate and pain. I don't understand why would she be mad at anything. She has love and support of family and friends, lives in a good house, not suffering financing but yet it seems like its not enough for her. I even told my mother when she was sober how I felt and that too failed. If I had the option of leaving the house right now I would, but I cant until I leave for my bootcamp "USAF" just to throw that in there... Somebody please help!

10-23-2009, 09:00 PM	#2
-D- Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 477	She should definitely seek help if she hasn't yet. There's AA for her and they offer programs for family members as well that might help you cope. I really recommend it. My dad was an alcoholic and I wish he would have gotten the help he needed before it was too late. __________________ Happiness is not a journey, it's a way of life.

10-23-2009, 10:32 PM	#3
Dinka Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 402	It's really good that you attempted to approach the situation while she was sober. Can I ask why that attempt failed? I'm guessing it was probably difficult for her to hear and accept. Was it just you approaching her, or your whole family? Is it worth giving another try? __________________ "I'd like to introduce you to the long lost sister of Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy.... Petulant Patty!" "This is starting to sound like Rainbow Brite on way too many barbiturates."

10-29-2009, 11:02 AM	#7
iLoveMyBabyCairo Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Liverpool, where the sun never shines. Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 6,040	Have you and your family tried an intervention? Is rehab a possibility? AA only works if SHE is willing to get the help. You can't force that on her, unfortunately. In the meantime, I completely agree with the Al-Anon suggestions for helping YOU cope with your mother's alcoholism. __________________ JenSocietyOfSloreMaking!© --Lionel Hutz No that's not how you express love! You express your love by calling her a dirty little ***** and slapping her in the face with your penis! --hersmudders...always classy.

10-23-2009, 10:43 PM	#4
abitbroken Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 623	I would suggest finding an Ala Teen group or an Al-Anon group for families of alcoholics. I would also recommend if not that, a program like Celebrate Recovery that tackles codependency - because it is not all totally about the drinking, its about the feelings you may have of feeling responsible or your feelings about yourself being hooked to what is going on. Your mom is not going to get help unless she believes she is out of control. You mention people love her - do relatives think she is having a problem or do they enable her - pat her on the hug, hug her, and give her another bottle of wine? I know it doesn't make sense if she "has everything," but people who are addicted or have alcoholism don't see that. That's not what they are after. You mentioned you live with both of your parents - what about your dad? Does he drink also? Does he agree that your mother's drinking is a problem and will be an ally or at least protect your siblings? You have to focus on your own well being because that is all you have.

10-24-2009, 12:33 AM	#5
catfeeder Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Northern New Jersey Gender: Female Posts: 2,543	I second the AlaTeen or AlaNon suggestion. You'll feel a lot of relief meeting people who know exactly how you feel and can help you cope. In your corner.

10-29-2009, 10:31 AM	#6
regular joe Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 137	I third the AlaTeen or AlaNon suggestion. I wish I had done something like this myself for my now Ex Girlfriend. She was just like your mother, the kindest most loving person I knew, when she was sober. Almost six months ago I gave her the option to get her life back together or move out. We are at this time no longer together, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I still love her more than anyone I have ever been with in my life, But I could no longer live with the drinking and like you said watching her kill herself slowly. It has caused me many problems and lots of money. Your dad's a good man if he's been putting up with it that long. On the other hand, I did the same thing for a little while, you just get so sick and tired of fighting over it, you say nothing to avoid the fight.