Am I overreacting?

mike19541 · 10-15-2009, 03:42 AM

hi all,

so me and my current girlfriend have been going out for awhile now, and i'd say we are pretty serious. i had started going out with her before i had fully recovered from my last relationship (i got dumped), so there has been a lot of trust issues.

i had lost my virginity to my ex-girlfriend so there was somewhat of an emotional attachment as you can imagine. i took my current girlfriends virginity (i'm her first serious relationship as well). current girlfriend hates that i'm her first, but she's not my first. it had been bugging her for a long time.

so tonight she calls me and says that it will help her "get over it" if she has sex with a random person, so that she will be "neutral" with me, then it will just be me and her. i was in such shock because this is basically like cheating is it not? it makes me sick to think of another guy putting his hands on her. and sad at the same time.

what should i do?

Xplode · 10-15-2009, 03:50 AM

as much that it sucks, if shes thinking about it. i think its inevitable that she will be curious until she has been/seen.

she will probably regret it. but i think that its not ur decision to make.

personally i would say if its something u need to do. then do it. but no that is will tear me up inside. and i i dont know if i can forgive that?

SamiJayne · 10-15-2009, 03:55 AM

Why does it matter how many people anyones slept with!? As long as there checked for std's...

If my partner had said that to me.. I'd be very mad. Tell him he can go sleep with whom ever he pleases, but he won't be coming home to me!

How old is she?! Why would she want too even think about it?! it shouldn't be a problem. If you love her, and she loves you... then it shouldn't effect the relationship...

=/

8amallday · 10-15-2009, 04:03 AM

ive never heard something like that be used seriously.
screwing a random person hardly seems like it would make things "neutral".

my girlfriend was my first and she has had a few other partners before me, i got over it.
its just rough at first but one just needs to tough it out, realize that their partner is there for a reason and sex should not have anything to do with it. just because youre not someones first doesnt mean that they do not have the capacity to love you like no other. sure i hate the bastards that she has had sex with but i can live with that.

that girl sounds untrustworthy to me. not to attack your relationship or berate your girlfriend, but to me, her suggestion/demand just sounds like a whole lot of bad news. that is not healthy!

mike19541 · 10-15-2009, 04:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SamiJayne

Why does it matter how many people anyones slept with!? As long as there checked for std's...

If my partner had said that to me.. I'd be very mad. Tell him he can go sleep with whom ever he pleases, but he won't be coming home to me!

How old is she?! Why would she want too even think about it?! it shouldn't be a problem. If you love her, and she loves you... then it shouldn't effect the relationship...

=/

i don't know. she can't get my ex out of her head. like tonight, she was harassing her over facebook....

i'm completely loyal and i wish she would be too. i feel like i should be completely hers and she should be completely mine as long as we are in a relationship. should i really just sit back and let her do this?

8amallday · 10-15-2009, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mike19541

i'm completely loyal and i wish she would be too. i feel like i should be completely hers and she should be completely mine as long as we are in a relationship. should i really just sit back and let her do this?

ive already posted but NO! do not just sit back and let her do this.
it would be damn foolish of you, in my opinion, and your expectations/ideals for how a relationship should work are not far-fetched or silly. it sounds perfectly healthy whereas her idea does not!

Anomander · 10-15-2009, 04:23 AM

Let her do it. But let her do it on her time.

Weird though, for me, this conversation is a deal breaker. Trust would be eroded, etc.

mca1975 · 10-15-2009, 05:47 AM

Its just not on. I cant believe she is even suggesting it. I think you guys should just break up if she is wanting to sleep with other people, or have you got plans to marry and spend the rest of your life together?

mike19541 · 10-15-2009, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mca1975

or have you got plans to marry and spend the rest of your life together?

we do. that is why i don't want to let go so easily.

fiishh · 10-15-2009, 08:13 AM

I can see why she might be jealous of your ex girlfriend because she might be worried that you feel less for her than your ex, but I think wanting to have sex with a random person is just un-called for. My ex girlfriend was my first but she had sex before she knew me (although I knew she didn't like those two people at all, so I didn't have to worry about emotional attachment) and even though I would have liked to have been her first too I would never ever want to "even it out" by sleeping with someone else, because she was all I wanted.

I think if your girlfriend has it in her to be able to sleep with someone else then she doesn't deserve you, she should only want to have sex with you and I think this shows a lack of commitment and just wanting to make herself feel better, without considering your feelings. I think you should think about whether you want to be with her or not and talk to her about how you feel about this, because if she could have sex with someone else, even with your consent, then what is to say that she won't have sex with someone else while she's with you without your consent, because clearly she's more bothered about making herself feel better than about your feelings.

10-15-2009, 03:42 AM	#1
mike19541 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 5	Am I overreacting? hi all, so me and my current girlfriend have been going out for awhile now, and i'd say we are pretty serious. i had started going out with her before i had fully recovered from my last relationship (i got dumped), so there has been a lot of trust issues. i had lost my virginity to my ex-girlfriend so there was somewhat of an emotional attachment as you can imagine. i took my current girlfriends virginity (i'm her first serious relationship as well). current girlfriend hates that i'm her first, but she's not my first. it had been bugging her for a long time. so tonight she calls me and says that it will help her "get over it" if she has sex with a random person, so that she will be "neutral" with me, then it will just be me and her. i was in such shock because this is basically like cheating is it not? it makes me sick to think of another guy putting his hands on her. and sad at the same time. what should i do?

10-15-2009, 05:47 AM	#8
mca1975 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: London Gender: Female Posts: 2,317	Its just not on. I cant believe she is even suggesting it. I think you guys should just break up if she is wanting to sleep with other people, or have you got plans to marry and spend the rest of your life together? __________________ mca1975 x

10-15-2009, 03:50 AM	#2
Xplode Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Posts: 413	as much that it sucks, if shes thinking about it. i think its inevitable that she will be curious until she has been/seen. she will probably regret it. but i think that its not ur decision to make. personally i would say if its something u need to do. then do it. but no that is will tear me up inside. and i i dont know if i can forgive that?

10-15-2009, 03:55 AM	#3
SamiJayne Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 595	Why does it matter how many people anyones slept with!? As long as there checked for std's... If my partner had said that to me.. I'd be very mad. Tell him he can go sleep with whom ever he pleases, but he won't be coming home to me! How old is she?! Why would she want too even think about it?! it shouldn't be a problem. If you love her, and she loves you... then it shouldn't effect the relationship... =/

10-15-2009, 04:03 AM	#4
8amallday Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Joiliet/Normal IL Gender: Male Posts: 262	ive never heard something like that be used seriously. screwing a random person hardly seems like it would make things "neutral". my girlfriend was my first and she has had a few other partners before me, i got over it. its just rough at first but one just needs to tough it out, realize that their partner is there for a reason and sex should not have anything to do with it. just because youre not someones first doesnt mean that they do not have the capacity to love you like no other. sure i hate the bastards that she has had sex with but i can live with that. that girl sounds untrustworthy to me. not to attack your relationship or berate your girlfriend, but to me, her suggestion/demand just sounds like a whole lot of bad news. that is not healthy!

10-15-2009, 04:23 AM	#7
Anomander Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 50	Let her do it. But let her do it on her time. Weird though, for me, this conversation is a deal breaker. Trust would be eroded, etc.

10-15-2009, 08:13 AM	#10
fiishh Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 102	I can see why she might be jealous of your ex girlfriend because she might be worried that you feel less for her than your ex, but I think wanting to have sex with a random person is just un-called for. My ex girlfriend was my first but she had sex before she knew me (although I knew she didn't like those two people at all, so I didn't have to worry about emotional attachment) and even though I would have liked to have been her first too I would never ever want to "even it out" by sleeping with someone else, because she was all I wanted. I think if your girlfriend has it in her to be able to sleep with someone else then she doesn't deserve you, she should only want to have sex with you and I think this shows a lack of commitment and just wanting to make herself feel better, without considering your feelings. I think you should think about whether you want to be with her or not and talk to her about how you feel about this, because if she could have sex with someone else, even with your consent, then what is to say that she won't have sex with someone else while she's with you without your consent, because clearly she's more bothered about making herself feel better than about your feelings.