Jealously! =[

NeedWiseWord · 10-14-2009, 03:39 AM

Why I am so jealous of my boyfriend and his ex? There is no logical reason behind it. Im jealous of her. I just cant bear to think, the same things he said to me, he's said to her. The same things he's done with her, he's done with me. I think about it and feel betrayed, even though this is very wrong and stupid, its just how i feel. And i need support to help overcome this.

He had so much with her. He used to hold her in his arms, before me. With her every day. It just really hurts. I dont feel like im his, because she was before me. She is the original. Their names go together so well, as everyone knows them as. ...... & ...... . Not me & .......

Its a strange feeling, negative and horrible. What could be causing this?
He showed me the house they used to live in today. Mixed emotions, i dont understand. Why do i care so much? I feel like cryiing, And am really jealous after seeing that house. And imaging how they were, everything they did. Why does it hurt? What is wrong with me. And how can i fix this?

Sadly Mistaken · 10-14-2009, 04:25 AM

This sounds like a rant to me

Ummhh there not much you can do about it, its a part of your boyfriends past he did have a life before you.
Your probably feeling jealous or insecure, but i wouldn't worry your making your own memories with him too and as far as his ex goes i'm sure shes his ex for a good reason.
My advice is don't let it annoy you and move forward.

Ihavetissues · 10-14-2009, 05:42 AM

Hey there, I know what jealously is like, iam queen of it. And I know its not a nice thing to have to live with. But what we have to try and do is block out those thoughts, I know its easiler to say than do.

Have you spoke to him about all this, does he know what your like. Why did he show you they old house, was that necessary?

How long have you been together, and when did they spilt up, does he still speak to her, have any contact etc.

Your names will go together just as well, you see.

Me and my bf often try and do things that might be a first together which I think, is a nice thing.

His with you now and thats the main thing, so just try and enjoy to enjoy your relationship and dont let her ruin it for you.

But honestly hun I can say all this but I know how you feel, its not easy but we have to try so we can get on with our lives and not drive ourselves crazy.

thinking of ya.

Crazyaboutdogs · 10-14-2009, 06:28 AM

Do you have any ex boyfriends where you said and did the same things with them as you are now doing with your current boyfriend?

Your boyfriend is with you now, not his ex. It didn't work out between them. Human nature is that we say and do the same things over and over and over again. We tell the same jokes to different people, tell the same stories about what happened in our lives etc. People have a limited repertoire of how they talk, what they say and how they act...so it is natural that some of the things he said and did with his ex will be repeated with you...HOWEVER....it is a whole different experience with you because you are different than the ex. In other words the actions may be similar but the outcome and feelings from the actions may be different because the ex and you are different people. You need to block out what they did together because it will drive you crazy and you will ruin the relationship you currently have with him.

jahur · 10-14-2009, 09:16 AM

u say he showed you the house, i did this to an ex and was accused of still hanging onto bad mameories and not fully letting go of the past. i saw this for what it was and never went pass the old house ever again. did me good.

the above posters all make absolute sense, take on board, i have just been given the big high hard one for my jealousy and trust issues, will bode you well to learn from others mistakes

good luck x

~Unknown~ · 10-15-2009, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedWiseWord

Why I am so jealous of my boyfriend and his ex? There is no logical reason behind it. Im jealous of her. I just cant bear to think, the same things he said to me, he's said to her. The same things he's done with her, he's done with me. I think about it and feel betrayed, even though this is very wrong and stupid, its just how i feel. And i need support to help overcome this.

He had so much with her. He used to hold her in his arms, before me. With her every day. It just really hurts. I dont feel like im his, because she was before me. She is the original. Their names go together so well, as everyone knows them as. ...... & ...... . Not me & .......

Its a strange feeling, negative and horrible. What could be causing this?
He showed me the house they used to live in today. Mixed emotions, i dont understand. Why do i care so much? I feel like cryiing, And am really jealous after seeing that house. And imaging how they were, everything they did. Why does it hurt? What is wrong with me. And how can i fix this?

I have exactly the same problem! I have at least three threads on it XD

I wish I knew the cure, it's an inferiority thing. I found a picture of him and his ex most recently by accident and I felt like I was going to be physically sick and burst into tears. She was leaning against him and I hate it because I don't like thinking of her touching him (well, this ex really, I don't feel that bothered about the other one). Then I wanted to fly out to where she lives and kill her

. Of course I'd never really actively to anything to harm her I just really don't like her!

They were together longer, she came to see him in Denmark (we're both not from Denmark while he is) and met his family, saw all the places, before me. I feel like I am in her footsteps. She was his first. She was ......&........ with him before me and I feel that makes me less special because she was there first. I call myself (not to him but to my friends) a sequal to her when I am upset. He said to me I am the first girl he's ever been in love with, and he's not the sort of person who makes up stuff like that, but my mind won't let me believe it. I feel unhappy when we go somewhere and I realise he's been there with her before. I feel weird when in his bed even that he's been there with her. I want it to stop

All I can really say is that you're not alone, many many people suffer this feeling too.

AmyRodimer · 10-15-2009, 10:24 PM

It's always natural to feel a little jealous.

NeedWiseWord · 10-15-2009, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Unknown~

I have exactly the same problem! I have at least three threads on it XD

I wish I knew the cure, it's an inferiority thing. I found a picture of him and his ex most recently by accident and I felt like I was going to be physically sick and burst into tears. She was leaning against him and I hate it because I don't like thinking of her touching him (well, this ex really, I don't feel that bothered about the other one). Then I wanted to fly out to where she lives and kill her

. Of course I'd never really actively to anything to harm her I just really don't like her!

They were together longer, she came to see him in Denmark (we're both not from Denmark while he is) and met his family, saw all the places, before me. I feel like I am in her footsteps. She was his first. She was ......&........ with him before me and I feel that makes me less special because she was there first. I call myself (not to him but to my friends) a sequal to her when I am upset. He said to me I am the first girl he's ever been in love with, and he's not the sort of person who makes up stuff like that, but my mind won't let me believe it. I feel unhappy when we go somewhere and I realise he's been there with her before. I feel weird when in his bed even that he's been there with her. I want it to stop

All I can really say is that you're not alone, many many people suffer this feeling too.

Thanks unknown. You have described exactly how i feel. It is getting worse for me now, even smaller little things about him and her are making me jealous. And really upset. I sit there with him at night, almost crying just thinking about them over and over. Im starting to think up weird scenarios, between him and her and how i would react, and how jealous and upset i would feel. I havent even met the girl, so my mind is telling me all sorts of things..Agh..It is the worse feeling. I dont tell him or anyone about it, i just keep it all in my head hoping it will go away by itself..
Thank you again for sharing your story, it feels good to know im not the only one..Keep posted! Thanks

NeedWiseWord · 10-15-2009, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedWiseWord

Thanks unknown. You have described exactly how i feel. It is getting worse for me now, even smaller little things about him and her are making me jealous. And really upset. I sit there with him at night, almost crying just thinking about them over and over. Im starting to think up weird scenarios, between him and her and how i would react, and how jealous and upset i would feel. I havent even met the girl, so my mind is telling me all sorts of things..Agh..It is the worse feeling. I dont tell him or anyone about it, i just keep it all in my head hoping it will go away by itself..
Thank you again for sharing your story, it feels good to know im not the only one..Keep posted! Thanks

Oh and I wil check out your threads too ! xo

NeedWiseWord · 10-15-2009, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jahur

u say he showed you the house, i did this to an ex and was accused of still hanging onto bad mameories and not fully letting go of the past. i saw this for what it was and never went pass the old house ever again. did me good.

the above posters all make absolute sense, take on board, i have just been given the big high hard one for my jealousy and trust issues, will bode you well to learn from others mistakes

good luck x

Thank you

10-14-2009, 03:39 AM	#1
NeedWiseWord Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 41	Jealously! =[ Why I am so jealous of my boyfriend and his ex? There is no logical reason behind it. Im jealous of her. I just cant bear to think, the same things he said to me, he's said to her. The same things he's done with her, he's done with me. I think about it and feel betrayed, even though this is very wrong and stupid, its just how i feel. And i need support to help overcome this. He had so much with her. He used to hold her in his arms, before me. With her every day. It just really hurts. I dont feel like im his, because she was before me. She is the original. Their names go together so well, as everyone knows them as. ...... & ...... . Not me & ....... Its a strange feeling, negative and horrible. What could be causing this? He showed me the house they used to live in today. Mixed emotions, i dont understand. Why do i care so much? I feel like cryiing, And am really jealous after seeing that house. And imaging how they were, everything they did. Why does it hurt? What is wrong with me. And how can i fix this?

10-14-2009, 04:25 AM	#2
Sadly Mistaken Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Somewhere Only We Know Gender: Female Posts: 141	This sounds like a rant to me Ummhh there not much you can do about it, its a part of your boyfriends past he did have a life before you. Your probably feeling jealous or insecure, but i wouldn't worry your making your own memories with him too and as far as his ex goes i'm sure shes his ex for a good reason. My advice is don't let it annoy you and move forward. __________________ “A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.”

10-14-2009, 05:42 AM	#3
Ihavetissues Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Essex, England Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 202	Hey there, I know what jealously is like, iam queen of it. And I know its not a nice thing to have to live with. But what we have to try and do is block out those thoughts, I know its easiler to say than do. Have you spoke to him about all this, does he know what your like. Why did he show you they old house, was that necessary? How long have you been together, and when did they spilt up, does he still speak to her, have any contact etc. Your names will go together just as well, you see. Me and my bf often try and do things that might be a first together which I think, is a nice thing. His with you now and thats the main thing, so just try and enjoy to enjoy your relationship and dont let her ruin it for you. But honestly hun I can say all this but I know how you feel, its not easy but we have to try so we can get on with our lives and not drive ourselves crazy. thinking of ya. __________________ Cheeky Monkey

10-14-2009, 09:16 AM	#5
jahur Offline Gold Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: milton keynes/ united kingdom Gender: Male Age: 38 Posts: 790	u say he showed you the house, i did this to an ex and was accused of still hanging onto bad mameories and not fully letting go of the past. i saw this for what it was and never went pass the old house ever again. did me good. the above posters all make absolute sense, take on board, i have just been given the big high hard one for my jealousy and trust issues, will bode you well to learn from others mistakes good luck x __________________ "Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one" "You will never have to work a day in your life,if you do the job you love" " Encouragement strengthens labour" "the artist must educate the critic. for no artist, no critic" "i turned around and there he was, gone"! "closure is like a phobia, once you confront it and accept it you can get over it"

10-14-2009, 06:28 AM	#4
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,632	Do you have any ex boyfriends where you said and did the same things with them as you are now doing with your current boyfriend? Your boyfriend is with you now, not his ex. It didn't work out between them. Human nature is that we say and do the same things over and over and over again. We tell the same jokes to different people, tell the same stories about what happened in our lives etc. People have a limited repertoire of how they talk, what they say and how they act...so it is natural that some of the things he said and did with his ex will be repeated with you...HOWEVER....it is a whole different experience with you because you are different than the ex. In other words the actions may be similar but the outcome and feelings from the actions may be different because the ex and you are different people. You need to block out what they did together because it will drive you crazy and you will ruin the relationship you currently have with him.

10-15-2009, 10:24 PM	#7
AmyRodimer Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 14	It's always natural to feel a little jealous.