PLEASE HELP; Father of a teen daughter and I need ANSWERS. Anything would be helpful!

Trandon · 10-10-2009, 12:20 PM

My daughter is in high school, the toughest time for a father to watch his daughter grow up. She's a good girl. She's a junior, and has recently been seeing a senior boy. It seems as though they want a more serious relationship, which makes me very nervous. It's not as though he's a bad guy either - in fact, he has a job, straight A's, and treats her well. I am just very worried about her and don't know what to do. She's my youngest daughter and will always be my baby. I don't want to see her get hurt. Please tell me what to do.

**avman** · 10-10-2009, 12:28 PM

This sounds pretty normal to me. You'll have to let her experience life for herself at some point. There isn't any way to totally protect your child from hurt and you really shouldn't try. She needs to learn how relationships work and that may include some heartbreak.

Just be there to support her. Have an open mind. Meet the guy if you haven't already so you know who she's dating. After that you just have to rely on the values and skills you've already instilled in her to let her find her own path.

HealingHandsWarmHeart · 10-10-2009, 12:30 PM

She's going to get hurt ... its a fact.. no one goes through life without being hurt... as her father... the best thing you can do is support her when she does.

Give her the best advise you can give her- be there for her... listen to her... let he make her decisions.. guide her in the best possible direction ... but let her learn from her mistakes and triumphs.

you can't protect her forever- but you can be there for her.

lunarstar0131 · 10-10-2009, 12:32 PM

I would say that as a father you will always have concern for your kids. My dad says that to me all the time, especially because they love us so much and they don't want to see us get hurt.

This might seem a little weird but there really isn't much you can do if she is dating this boy. It seems to be what she wants and he seems to be a pretty guy catch. Granted most teenagers at this age are only interested in one thing-SEX.

I know you don't want your daughter to get hurt, but you have no way of knowing if this will happen or not. When I was dating at this age my dad had a talk with me and he just told me I am glad you are dating, the boy seems nice, just remember do not do anything you are not comfortable with. If there is anything that is troubling you don't forget you can always come talk to me. Don't be afraid of me being angry, I would rather know what is going on from you than find out from someone else.

If your daughter is a good kid, then I am sure you raised her well enough to make good choices even when it comes to boys.

I would suggest you just keep a lot of communication with her and let her know its ok for her to talk to you about anything.

Getting hurt is a natural part of life, wouldn't it be lovely if all of our parents could have shielded us from being hurt?

trezz · 10-10-2009, 12:39 PM

its hard but you must stay calm and approacable.
you be the one she comes to when she has a problem.
if you come over as too strict and unreasonable she will not want to talk to you.
i always say to my children remember if you do anything that may make you a parent you will be the parent for ever always with a child to put first.
no more new clothes or makeup or nights out.
can you trust yourself that you have taught her well?

DN · 10-10-2009, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trandon

My daughter is in high school, the toughest time for a father to watch his daughter grow up. She's a good girl. She's a junior, and has recently been seeing a senior boy. It seems as though they want a more serious relationship, which makes me very nervous. It's not as though he's a bad guy either - in fact, he has a job, straight A's, and treats her well. I am just very worried about her and don't know what to do. She's my youngest daughter and will always be my baby. I don't want to see her get hurt. Please tell me what to do.

Assume for a moment that you were able to protect her from being hurt.

How would she cope when you were no longer there to protect her?

Being a parent is not just about protecting your children but preparing them to protect themselves. And some things you can only learn by experience.

ter93 · 10-18-2009, 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trandon

My daughter is in high school, the toughest time for a father to watch his daughter grow up. She's a good girl. She's a junior, and has recently been seeing a senior boy. It seems as though they want a more serious relationship, which makes me very nervous. It's not as though he's a bad guy either - in fact, he has a job, straight A's, and treats her well. I am just very worried about her and don't know what to do. She's my youngest daughter and will always be my baby. I don't want to see her get hurt. Please tell me what to do.

There's nothing wrong with that

Be thankful that he's not some complete loser, he sounds like a great guy, who's deserving of your daughter. Don't become too overprotective or try to break them up.

glegend · 10-18-2009, 11:01 PM

Its tough to watch them grown up. My sister is growing up and day by day she's turning into a lovley young lady. In my eyes I still see her as my baby sister. In the end she will always be my baby sister, we have a six year age difference. There's nothing I can do to stop her from growing up. Same with you and your daughter. We can't stop time and make it sit still.

My fear for my sister is dating. Which in a way is the same fear that you have, only difference is that your daughter is dating someone. I've always said when my sister goes on her first date, I will introduce myself to the boy when he comes to pick her up and tell him if he does anything to hurt her, he will be the one hurting and I will see of that personally. The fear of what will happen from the relationship kills you. Will they have sex? Protected or Un-Protected? Pregnancy? Drug and Alcohol Abuse? the list can go on and on. If he is a good boy, and seems like he is, then he will probably not do something wrong but again you don't know what he is like outside the school and working environment.

I think the best thing to do is to stay calm and not over-react. My best advice I could give you is to have eyes and ears all around. I know enough people, in enough places, that if I needed to monitor someone when they go there I can have it done just like that.

10-10-2009, 12:20 PM	#1
Trandon Offline Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1	PLEASE HELP; Father of a teen daughter and I need ANSWERS. Anything would be helpful! My daughter is in high school, the toughest time for a father to watch his daughter grow up. She's a good girl. She's a junior, and has recently been seeing a senior boy. It seems as though they want a more serious relationship, which makes me very nervous. It's not as though he's a bad guy either - in fact, he has a job, straight A's, and treats her well. I am just very worried about her and don't know what to do. She's my youngest daughter and will always be my baby. I don't want to see her get hurt. Please tell me what to do.

10-10-2009, 12:28 PM	#2
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,524	This sounds pretty normal to me. You'll have to let her experience life for herself at some point. There isn't any way to totally protect your child from hurt and you really shouldn't try. She needs to learn how relationships work and that may include some heartbreak. Just be there to support her. Have an open mind. Meet the guy if you haven't already so you know who she's dating. After that you just have to rely on the values and skills you've already instilled in her to let her find her own path. __________________ "Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." Desmond Tutu

10-10-2009, 12:30 PM	#3
HealingHandsWarmHeart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 2,600	She's going to get hurt ... its a fact.. no one goes through life without being hurt... as her father... the best thing you can do is support her when she does. Give her the best advise you can give her- be there for her... listen to her... let he make her decisions.. guide her in the best possible direction ... but let her learn from her mistakes and triumphs. you can't protect her forever- but you can be there for her. __________________ “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ Ghandi

10-10-2009, 12:32 PM	#4
lunarstar0131 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 661	I would say that as a father you will always have concern for your kids. My dad says that to me all the time, especially because they love us so much and they don't want to see us get hurt. This might seem a little weird but there really isn't much you can do if she is dating this boy. It seems to be what she wants and he seems to be a pretty guy catch. Granted most teenagers at this age are only interested in one thing-SEX. I know you don't want your daughter to get hurt, but you have no way of knowing if this will happen or not. When I was dating at this age my dad had a talk with me and he just told me I am glad you are dating, the boy seems nice, just remember do not do anything you are not comfortable with. If there is anything that is troubling you don't forget you can always come talk to me. Don't be afraid of me being angry, I would rather know what is going on from you than find out from someone else. If your daughter is a good kid, then I am sure you raised her well enough to make good choices even when it comes to boys. I would suggest you just keep a lot of communication with her and let her know its ok for her to talk to you about anything. Getting hurt is a natural part of life, wouldn't it be lovely if all of our parents could have shielded us from being hurt? __________________ Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Last edited by lunarstar0131; 10-10-2009 at 12:34 PM. Reason: typos

10-10-2009, 12:39 PM	#5
trezz Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: uk Gender: Female Age: 47 Posts: 547	its hard but you must stay calm and approacable. you be the one she comes to when she has a problem. if you come over as too strict and unreasonable she will not want to talk to you. i always say to my children remember if you do anything that may make you a parent you will be the parent for ever always with a child to put first. no more new clothes or makeup or nights out. can you trust yourself that you have taught her well? __________________ say thank you the ena way......click helpful post EQD has spotted my weakness.....quote, 'ena is the new heroin.' LOL...well, Jpo, one more vote from the my-skull-may-be-missing-teeth-but-I-still-have-eyes-in-my-sockets-to-freakin-see gallery, here. TOV making my day about us mature ladies showing our appreciation of Jpo on photo thread.

10-18-2009, 11:01 PM	#8
glegend Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 2,429	Its tough to watch them grown up. My sister is growing up and day by day she's turning into a lovley young lady. In my eyes I still see her as my baby sister. In the end she will always be my baby sister, we have a six year age difference. There's nothing I can do to stop her from growing up. Same with you and your daughter. We can't stop time and make it sit still. My fear for my sister is dating. Which in a way is the same fear that you have, only difference is that your daughter is dating someone. I've always said when my sister goes on her first date, I will introduce myself to the boy when he comes to pick her up and tell him if he does anything to hurt her, he will be the one hurting and I will see of that personally. The fear of what will happen from the relationship kills you. Will they have sex? Protected or Un-Protected? Pregnancy? Drug and Alcohol Abuse? the list can go on and on. If he is a good boy, and seems like he is, then he will probably not do something wrong but again you don't know what he is like outside the school and working environment. I think the best thing to do is to stay calm and not over-react. My best advice I could give you is to have eyes and ears all around. I know enough people, in enough places, that if I needed to monitor someone when they go there I can have it done just like that. __________________ The car doesn't make the driver, the driver makes the car It's not the ride, it's the rider.