Separating from a 'mistress'

JonathanJonathan · 10-07-2009, 01:41 AM

Hey all. I need some advice but first here's a little background information:

I just recently began dating my best friend. We went on a date or two, and decided to let people know we're dating at her birthday party in a few days.

My ex was at the party and flirted with me, thinking I was single. I gave her the cold shoulder the entire night, but she wouldn't take the hint. I ended up being really rude and commandingly said that I was dating someone.

Without a word, my ex left the party, leaving me guilt-ridden. I call her for coffee the next week. Plan was to apologize for being rude and maybe getting some clarity on how she feels about me. I end up meeting her at her apartment.

After a couple of drinks, we sat outside to talk about what was really on our minds. She admitted she still liked me, and I too. We ended up sleeping with each other, and in respect to my filthy behavior, I said I wouldn't date my best friend anymore.

The following week I felt compelled to tell my best friend what happened. She's still my best friend, I can't just drop her like a bad habit. I told her the story, and, although she was very upset and sad, she forgave me and asked me to continue to date her. I took her up on the offer, and now we've been good.

Now, I don't want to leave my ex hanging out to dry. How could/should I tell my ex that I am dating my best friend again? And that we will never be?

HEMI_dude · 10-07-2009, 01:51 AM

I kinda got lost there for abit.

But tell you ex, you wanna remian friends and not have any serious emotional dating connections.

If she understands she a friend or it might take sometime for her to get it so dont freak out to bad.

Capricorn3 · 10-07-2009, 01:54 AM

Haven't you posted this same thread before?

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306643

As to your question, "How could/should I tell my ex that I am dating my best friend again? And that we will never be? "

You simply be upfront and tell her the truth.

To be honest, I'm more than surprised that your best friend forgave you that easily. I think most women would have given you the boot.

JonathanJonathan · 10-07-2009, 02:08 AM

Yes, Capricorn3, I posted that similar thread which was when I was faced with the dilemma of confessing my infidelity to my best friend. Honestly, I thought I was going to get tossed out too, but I guess our preexisting friendship worked in favor as a buffer.

hear_her_roar · 10-07-2009, 02:29 AM

Let your ex know that it is nothing personal but you have found someone you are interested in and want to try to make it work for them. I would suggest breaking off any contact apart from extremely casual talk when you bump into one another, simply to avoid that kind of situation again. You've just got to choose not to put yourself in that kind of situation again, and if that means being a bit rude to your ex them so be it.

JonathanJonathan · 10-07-2009, 02:35 AM

Do you think I should meet up with her face to face or call her?

geod · 10-07-2009, 11:14 AM

Maybe I over looked something here...

Why was your Ex at your best friends birthday party?

JonathanJonathan · 10-07-2009, 11:43 PM

We all went to the same high school together. They happened to be in the same club, and are friends. They don't really hang out, so I guess they're acquaintances. My best friend invited her, knowing full well that my ex and I went out, and I've had trouble getting over her before.

waveseer · 10-07-2009, 11:50 PM

I'm thinking a face to face meeting will potentially lead to ex sex again and another full round of hurting others. Maybe you should call her.

10-07-2009, 01:41 AM	#1
JonathanJonathan Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: CA Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 150	Separating from a 'mistress' Hey all. I need some advice but first here's a little background information: I just recently began dating my best friend. We went on a date or two, and decided to let people know we're dating at her birthday party in a few days. My ex was at the party and flirted with me, thinking I was single. I gave her the cold shoulder the entire night, but she wouldn't take the hint. I ended up being really rude and commandingly said that I was dating someone. Without a word, my ex left the party, leaving me guilt-ridden. I call her for coffee the next week. Plan was to apologize for being rude and maybe getting some clarity on how she feels about me. I end up meeting her at her apartment. After a couple of drinks, we sat outside to talk about what was really on our minds. She admitted she still liked me, and I too. We ended up sleeping with each other, and in respect to my filthy behavior, I said I wouldn't date my best friend anymore. The following week I felt compelled to tell my best friend what happened. She's still my best friend, I can't just drop her like a bad habit. I told her the story, and, although she was very upset and sad, she forgave me and asked me to continue to date her. I took her up on the offer, and now we've been good. Now, I don't want to leave my ex hanging out to dry. How could/should I tell my ex that I am dating my best friend again? And that we will never be?

10-07-2009, 01:51 AM	#2
HEMI_dude Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 483	I kinda got lost there for abit. But tell you ex, you wanna remian friends and not have any serious emotional dating connections. If she understands she a friend or it might take sometime for her to get it so dont freak out to bad. __________________ "Kill my boss!?!?.....Do i dare live out the american dream ?" - Homer J. Simpson "Winners have no, shame no matter how they win" - Niccolo Machiavelli

10-07-2009, 01:54 AM	#3
Capricorn3 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 1,618	Haven't you posted this same thread before? http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306643 As to your question, "How could/should I tell my ex that I am dating my best friend again? And that we will never be? " You simply be upfront and tell her the truth. To be honest, I'm more than surprised that your best friend forgave you that easily. I think most women would have given you the boot. __________________ The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.

10-07-2009, 02:29 AM	#5
hear_her_roar Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Canada. Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 215	Let your ex know that it is nothing personal but you have found someone you are interested in and want to try to make it work for them. I would suggest breaking off any contact apart from extremely casual talk when you bump into one another, simply to avoid that kind of situation again. You've just got to choose not to put yourself in that kind of situation again, and if that means being a bit rude to your ex them so be it. __________________ "I believe that music is a force in itself. It is there and it needs an outlet, a medium. In a way, we are that medium." -Maynard James Keenan.

10-07-2009, 11:50 PM	#9
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,065	I'm thinking a face to face meeting will potentially lead to ex sex again and another full round of hurting others. Maybe you should call her. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

10-07-2009, 02:08 AM	#4
JonathanJonathan Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: CA Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 150	Yes, Capricorn3, I posted that similar thread which was when I was faced with the dilemma of confessing my infidelity to my best friend. Honestly, I thought I was going to get tossed out too, but I guess our preexisting friendship worked in favor as a buffer.

10-07-2009, 02:35 AM	#6
JonathanJonathan Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: CA Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 150	Do you think I should meet up with her face to face or call her?

10-07-2009, 11:14 AM	#7
geod Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tampa, FL Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 37	Maybe I over looked something here... Why was your Ex at your best friends birthday party?

10-07-2009, 11:43 PM	#8
JonathanJonathan Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: CA Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 150	We all went to the same high school together. They happened to be in the same club, and are friends. They don't really hang out, so I guess they're acquaintances. My best friend invited her, knowing full well that my ex and I went out, and I've had trouble getting over her before.