BF wants to take things to a new level spiritually..

brookedBD · 09-24-2009, 08:23 PM

Hey guys. My bf is amazing, he's one of the best and honest and loyal guys ive ever met. I am very in love with him. Recently he has decided he wants to reconnect with his christian faith, which he has been letting slip for the past 9 months or so. He grew up in the church (he's now 21) and is very well versed in all aspects. I however, am not. I only recently started having an interest in my faith about 4 years ago. I joined some small groups and started learning a bit, but never really in depth. My bf now wants to take things up a notch in this aspect of our lives, but i really dont know much. He doesnt know this really, and i dont want to look like a total idiot in front of him. Any advice on what to do since i really dont wanna tell him im clueless about this stuff?

waveseer · 09-24-2009, 08:25 PM

I would ask him specifically what changes, if any, he expects you to make. I feel it's very important to be up front about it.

brookedBD · 09-24-2009, 08:27 PM

Weve talked about that a bit. He just wants us to become more versed with knowing things. The bible..etc. As far as changes in our personal relationship we are trying to just control things that seem too 'wrong' to us

Nidania · 09-24-2009, 08:29 PM

Are there any groups or activities that you can participate in together? Or maybe a class you can take yourself through the church? I'm in the middle of a class myself, and am thoroughly enjoying it, as it's teaching me all sorts of stuff about my chosen faith that I never knew before

I think if you want to make the effort and take steps, he's not going to think you're an idiot. He'll very likely admire and encourage you along the way. Keep in mind though, be sure you are doing this because you want to, and not only because it's what he wants

Dinka · 09-24-2009, 08:29 PM

My mother gave me good advice once: If you have a question, don't pretend to know the answer because you'll eventually end up looking silly.

"Faith" and "spirituality" aren't about how much you read, it's about your personal relationship with God, whatever your religion may be.

You don't have to let your boyfriend know that you aren't entirely well-versed with the Bible, but don't pretend to be an expert either. You know what you know, and you learn what you learn. Being open and able to talk about it is probably what's more important to him.

I would suggest setting some time aside with him to talk about his religious goals and yours; don't get into the conversation expecting to come to a conclusion...just talk about it.

waveseer · 09-24-2009, 08:32 PM

I'm sure he realizes that because you weren't raised the way he was there are things you won't know. Just for your information though, there are many many people raised in the church who have never cracked a bible (and some of them carry one around). It is a false assumption that everyone knows more than you do.

itsallgrand · 09-24-2009, 08:56 PM

I think you should just be upfront with him about it. Why does it matter? Why would he judge you on it?

Religion and spirituality are tricky enough to navigate. In a close relationship, nothing beats honesty.

I think you need not be afraid and simply talk more about this. Specifics too as you go along: what does "just know more" mean in real life terms? Going to church every Sunday together? Bible classes? Etc..

It's not a big deal when you have a bedrock of respect for each other, and that there probably will be some differences in the details between you - even if you chose the same religion.

How long have you been together and do you live together?

cantexplain · 09-24-2009, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brookedBD

Hey guys. My bf is amazing, he's one of the best and honest and loyal guys ive ever met. I am very in love with him. Recently he has decided he wants to reconnect with his christian faith, which he has been letting slip for the past 9 months or so. He grew up in the church (he's now 21) and is very well versed in all aspects. I however, am not. I only recently started having an interest in my faith about 4 years ago. I joined some small groups and started learning a bit, but never really in depth. My bf now wants to take things up a notch in this aspect of our lives, but i really dont know much. He doesnt know this really, and i dont want to look like a total idiot in front of him. Any advice on what to do since i really dont wanna tell him im clueless about this stuff?

If you are really interested in him, you will want to join him on his voyage.

Religion is ideas shared. Spirituality is something unique to you ... a relationship between you and God or some "power" you choose to believe in or seek to believe in. Such a relationship with God is unique to you. It can be shared (talked about) but not shared in an ownership sense. His spirituality is his. Your spirituality is your own, too.

Thus you two can share the same religious boat, but only sail side by side spiritually. Both ways you can go far together.

Only concrete suggestion I can give is to embark on your own spiritual journey and/or begin to learn about the Christian faith. Seek to make it your own.

09-24-2009, 08:23 PM	#1
brookedBD Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Springfield Gender: Female Posts: 27	BF wants to take things to a new level spiritually.. Hey guys. My bf is amazing, he's one of the best and honest and loyal guys ive ever met. I am very in love with him. Recently he has decided he wants to reconnect with his christian faith, which he has been letting slip for the past 9 months or so. He grew up in the church (he's now 21) and is very well versed in all aspects. I however, am not. I only recently started having an interest in my faith about 4 years ago. I joined some small groups and started learning a bit, but never really in depth. My bf now wants to take things up a notch in this aspect of our lives, but i really dont know much. He doesnt know this really, and i dont want to look like a total idiot in front of him. Any advice on what to do since i really dont wanna tell him im clueless about this stuff?

09-24-2009, 08:25 PM	#2
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,063	I would ask him specifically what changes, if any, he expects you to make. I feel it's very important to be up front about it. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

09-24-2009, 08:32 PM	#6
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,063	I'm sure he realizes that because you weren't raised the way he was there are things you won't know. Just for your information though, there are many many people raised in the church who have never cracked a bible (and some of them carry one around). It is a false assumption that everyone knows more than you do. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

09-24-2009, 08:56 PM	#7
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,788	I think you should just be upfront with him about it. Why does it matter? Why would he judge you on it? Religion and spirituality are tricky enough to navigate. In a close relationship, nothing beats honesty. I think you need not be afraid and simply talk more about this. Specifics too as you go along: what does "just know more" mean in real life terms? Going to church every Sunday together? Bible classes? Etc.. It's not a big deal when you have a bedrock of respect for each other, and that there probably will be some differences in the details between you - even if you chose the same religion. How long have you been together and do you live together? __________________ "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Mal Pancoast

09-24-2009, 08:27 PM	#3
brookedBD Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Springfield Gender: Female Posts: 27	Weve talked about that a bit. He just wants us to become more versed with knowing things. The bible..etc. As far as changes in our personal relationship we are trying to just control things that seem too 'wrong' to us

09-24-2009, 08:29 PM	#4
Nidania Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 347	Are there any groups or activities that you can participate in together? Or maybe a class you can take yourself through the church? I'm in the middle of a class myself, and am thoroughly enjoying it, as it's teaching me all sorts of stuff about my chosen faith that I never knew before I think if you want to make the effort and take steps, he's not going to think you're an idiot. He'll very likely admire and encourage you along the way. Keep in mind though, be sure you are doing this because you want to, and not only because it's what he wants

09-24-2009, 08:29 PM	#5
Dinka Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 402	My mother gave me good advice once: If you have a question, don't pretend to know the answer because you'll eventually end up looking silly. "Faith" and "spirituality" aren't about how much you read, it's about your personal relationship with God, whatever your religion may be. You don't have to let your boyfriend know that you aren't entirely well-versed with the Bible, but don't pretend to be an expert either. You know what you know, and you learn what you learn. Being open and able to talk about it is probably what's more important to him. I would suggest setting some time aside with him to talk about his religious goals and yours; don't get into the conversation expecting to come to a conclusion...just talk about it.