Is my husband addicted?

blunder · 09-22-2009, 05:37 AM

Hi,

I've been married for almost 4 years. When I got married to my husband I knew he liked to smoke pot and I was okay with that, seeing as I don't think it should be illegal, nor did I believe it was addictive like other narcotics. However, I've been noticing that my husband tends to smoke every day and about six times a day. He doesn't get REALLY high, basically he's a functional pot-head. He takes a hit and gets to work. Anyway, he says he enjoys life a lot more when he's high. He feels creative and stuff and he doesn't believe that the smoking has a negative impact on his health of cognitive abilities. Basically he sees nothing wrong with being a little stoned all day long. However, I can't help but feel that HE is never really with me. I know if I were to smoke all day long I wouldn't be able to do what he does so, of course I don't like the fact that he's a pot head and I am starting to question if I want to be married to someone like this. We've talked about it and he said he doesn't know why he can't control his smoking, but when he has it he wants to smoke it all the time. He's agreed to let his current stash run out before buying again...but I really don't see the difference. I try really hard not to judge him (we really don't know what the effects are and there are no known deaths caused by marijuana...I've read the research), but I am still not okay with it.

What would you do?

Hanz33 · 09-22-2009, 05:43 AM

there is scientific fact now that pot can casue skitzophrenia which is scary to say the least and not something you want to deal with in the future. Not to mention Cancer and other health issues.

It is deffinately addictive. I had a boyfriend who smoked every now and then and is now a pot addict with 2 children and an x to the mother. (children live with mum)

Its so horrible to see the SLOW effects on pot. I beleive its so slow that people tend to not realise what the person use to be like.

D_Lish · 09-22-2009, 06:05 AM

Well if that were me, I wouldnt want a partner who was on dope.

I wonder if that is why they call it 'dope'. It send people 'dopey'? lol

Xylitol · 09-22-2009, 06:08 AM

You married him knowing that he used drugs, if you weren't ok with that at the time you shouldn't have chosen to be with him in the first place. But now that you are in this position, i would start weighing off the cons and pro's of being with him. If smoking pot is his only drawback then it might still be worth being with him, you see , everyone has something dislikeable about them even if you jump out and go with another guy that other guy might cheat on you, or have strange hobbies you dislike, so its the equation of the rest that if it goes in favour of being with him its still worthwhile or not.

Crazyaboutdogs · 09-22-2009, 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D_Lish

Well if that were me, I wouldnt want a partner who was on dope.

I wonder if that is why they call it 'dope'. It send people 'dopey'? lol

LOL.

Your husband is indeed addicted and just letting his stash run out is not going to solve the problem. He will just feel the itch to get more..he will go through withdrawal symptoms if he doesn't get a new stash so he will quickly buy more. If he can't get through the day without continuously taking a hit to keep him on an all-day high that is a serious problem. Regarding health..pot is most certainly harmful to the health. I remember reading somewhere that it is even worse on your lungs than cigarettes. When you use pot in excess, just like alcohol, you are continuing addling your brain..over the long-term there could be profound effects. It is a huge risk. Sure, not everyone who smokes pot regularly will have long-term bad effects...lots of people smoked cigarettes for years and it didn't affect them...but plenty had major health ramifications. So smoking pot is indeed putting the person at higher risk for health problems later on.

blunder · 09-22-2009, 06:28 AM

Yes, I get it. But I pointed out that he had a problem and I kind of feel like he resented me. One the other hand, sometimes people marry people who like to have a drink sometimes (as I do) only to wake up to an alcoholic in bed next to them.

I believe that if you love someone, even an alcoholic, that you should try to help them. I don't want to abandon him and I don't want to live with rules like 'if you smoke pot, then I am going to leave you". I'll repeat that I think there is nothing wrong with recreational use of pot - but it's clear TO ME that he has a control issue. HE on the other hand thinks that there is nothing wrong. So when do you draw the line in a relationship? Of course this is not the only problem in our relationship, but it's the one that's bothering me most. I think part of it is that when I was younger I didn't see the harm. But now that I am older (I am 30 and he is 9 years older than me), I realize that I don't want to continue on like this. I think I am changing, and I am not attracted to pot smoking on a daily basis.

asthesparrow · 09-22-2009, 06:32 AM

Not everyone is affected mentally by it. I know a lot of people who have spent their lives smoking daily to a few times a month and they are intelligent, witty, involved people... I know some who only spent a few years smoking daily and now can't function well or are full of paranoia and psychotic episodes.
It depends how strong you are in the mind. How susceptable you are to mental illness in the first place.

If he cannot go a day without it (and substitutes it with alcohol, or another vice when he cannot get/smoke any pot) then he is addicted.

I have smoked for the past 9 years, sometimes it would be every day for a year, sometimes it will be once a month, at the end of the day I know I am not addicted as I can go for weeks and months on end without any drugs in my system and not crave them or feel like something is missing... However I do know that if I had not smoked as much as I have, then I would be a completely different (better) person.

Oh and I just read your post prior to mine:
If you have a problem, then it is a problem. Just because he doesn't agree does not mean it is not valid. Think about that for awhile. If it bothers you then it has to change, otherwise why put up with it? If it's a problem that is ongoing and bugs you frequently...... well...

blunder · 09-22-2009, 06:35 AM

Thanks asthesparrow, I was hoping that I could talk to someone who understands my husband. So what would you do if your wife decided that she was going to leave you based on your use of pot? Would you be resentful? Would you insist that you weren't addicted because you didn't go through withdrawls? Would you think your wife was just being uptight?

blunder · 09-22-2009, 06:37 AM

P.S. why would you be a different person if you hadn't been smoking pot for the last 9 years?

blunder · 09-22-2009, 06:43 AM

As far as I know my husband does not substitute it with alcohol or other drugs. I know he can be without pot and not go nuts, but I wonder how much he thinks about it. I don't know if he's being honest about that. Anyway, sometimes I think about it like this:
1. What if he gets busted...how will that affect me?
2. What if started hiding his pot use because he knew I didn't like it.
3. How much money is he spending on this crap. What could we do with that money?
4. What do other people think about him?
5. If I become indifferent to it and accept it, what does that say about me?
6. I don't like the people he buys from...I don't like hanging out with them cause they are F***** up and I don't want to be around people like that.

09-22-2009, 05:37 AM	#1
blunder Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 7	Is my husband addicted? Hi, I've been married for almost 4 years. When I got married to my husband I knew he liked to smoke pot and I was okay with that, seeing as I don't think it should be illegal, nor did I believe it was addictive like other narcotics. However, I've been noticing that my husband tends to smoke every day and about six times a day. He doesn't get REALLY high, basically he's a functional pot-head. He takes a hit and gets to work. Anyway, he says he enjoys life a lot more when he's high. He feels creative and stuff and he doesn't believe that the smoking has a negative impact on his health of cognitive abilities. Basically he sees nothing wrong with being a little stoned all day long. However, I can't help but feel that HE is never really with me. I know if I were to smoke all day long I wouldn't be able to do what he does so, of course I don't like the fact that he's a pot head and I am starting to question if I want to be married to someone like this. We've talked about it and he said he doesn't know why he can't control his smoking, but when he has it he wants to smoke it all the time. He's agreed to let his current stash run out before buying again...but I really don't see the difference. I try really hard not to judge him (we really don't know what the effects are and there are no known deaths caused by marijuana...I've read the research), but I am still not okay with it. What would you do?

09-22-2009, 06:32 AM	#7
asthesparrow Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 74	Not everyone is affected mentally by it. I know a lot of people who have spent their lives smoking daily to a few times a month and they are intelligent, witty, involved people... I know some who only spent a few years smoking daily and now can't function well or are full of paranoia and psychotic episodes. It depends how strong you are in the mind. How susceptable you are to mental illness in the first place. If he cannot go a day without it (and substitutes it with alcohol, or another vice when he cannot get/smoke any pot) then he is addicted. I have smoked for the past 9 years, sometimes it would be every day for a year, sometimes it will be once a month, at the end of the day I know I am not addicted as I can go for weeks and months on end without any drugs in my system and not crave them or feel like something is missing... However I do know that if I had not smoked as much as I have, then I would be a completely different (better) person. Oh and I just read your post prior to mine: If you have a problem, then it is a problem. Just because he doesn't agree does not mean it is not valid. Think about that for awhile. If it bothers you then it has to change, otherwise why put up with it? If it's a problem that is ongoing and bugs you frequently...... well... __________________ oh we're so very precious, you & i, and everything that you do, makes me want to die.

09-22-2009, 05:43 AM	#2
Hanz33 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 63	there is scientific fact now that pot can casue skitzophrenia which is scary to say the least and not something you want to deal with in the future. Not to mention Cancer and other health issues. It is deffinately addictive. I had a boyfriend who smoked every now and then and is now a pot addict with 2 children and an x to the mother. (children live with mum) Its so horrible to see the SLOW effects on pot. I beleive its so slow that people tend to not realise what the person use to be like.

09-22-2009, 06:05 AM	#3
D_Lish Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: England UK Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 3,728	Well if that were me, I wouldnt want a partner who was on dope. I wonder if that is why they call it 'dope'. It send people 'dopey'? lol

09-22-2009, 06:08 AM	#4
Xylitol Offline Bronze Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 145	You married him knowing that he used drugs, if you weren't ok with that at the time you shouldn't have chosen to be with him in the first place. But now that you are in this position, i would start weighing off the cons and pro's of being with him. If smoking pot is his only drawback then it might still be worth being with him, you see , everyone has something dislikeable about them even if you jump out and go with another guy that other guy might cheat on you, or have strange hobbies you dislike, so its the equation of the rest that if it goes in favour of being with him its still worthwhile or not.

09-22-2009, 06:28 AM	#6
blunder Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 7	Yes, I get it. But I pointed out that he had a problem and I kind of feel like he resented me. One the other hand, sometimes people marry people who like to have a drink sometimes (as I do) only to wake up to an alcoholic in bed next to them. I believe that if you love someone, even an alcoholic, that you should try to help them. I don't want to abandon him and I don't want to live with rules like 'if you smoke pot, then I am going to leave you". I'll repeat that I think there is nothing wrong with recreational use of pot - but it's clear TO ME that he has a control issue. HE on the other hand thinks that there is nothing wrong. So when do you draw the line in a relationship? Of course this is not the only problem in our relationship, but it's the one that's bothering me most. I think part of it is that when I was younger I didn't see the harm. But now that I am older (I am 30 and he is 9 years older than me), I realize that I don't want to continue on like this. I think I am changing, and I am not attracted to pot smoking on a daily basis.

09-22-2009, 06:35 AM	#8
blunder Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 7	Thanks asthesparrow, I was hoping that I could talk to someone who understands my husband. So what would you do if your wife decided that she was going to leave you based on your use of pot? Would you be resentful? Would you insist that you weren't addicted because you didn't go through withdrawls? Would you think your wife was just being uptight?

09-22-2009, 06:37 AM	#9
blunder Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 7	P.S. why would you be a different person if you hadn't been smoking pot for the last 9 years?

09-22-2009, 06:43 AM	#10
blunder Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 7	As far as I know my husband does not substitute it with alcohol or other drugs. I know he can be without pot and not go nuts, but I wonder how much he thinks about it. I don't know if he's being honest about that. Anyway, sometimes I think about it like this: 1. What if he gets busted...how will that affect me? 2. What if started hiding his pot use because he knew I didn't like it. 3. How much money is he spending on this crap. What could we do with that money? 4. What do other people think about him? 5. If I become indifferent to it and accept it, what does that say about me? 6. I don't like the people he buys from...I don't like hanging out with them cause they are F***** up and I don't want to be around people like that.