What is more important in a marriage- A person whom you know well or a well known society

Prachi_Sri01 · 09-15-2009, 01:41 PM

Hi.
I want to know what is more important of the family or life partner if you have to choose only one.For me it will be a love marriage in which I am bound to loose my side of people because the guy doesnot belong to our side.I will lose my family, society, people everyone because they won't accept him. He is from a totally different place, culture , language everything but at the same time I know he is a really nice guy who will try his best to keep me happy.

On the other hand it can be an arranged marriage with some one else, who will be the choice of my parents but I won't know the guy. I however , won't lose my people and my society.I will get people with whom i can be friendly and spend my life is a similar environment to that of my present one.

Kindly help in this important decision of my life.

hexaemeron · 09-15-2009, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prachi_Sri01

Hi.
I want to know what is more important of the family or life partner if you have to choose only one.For me it will be a love marriage in which I am bound to loose my side of people because the guy doesnot belong to our side.I will lose my family, society, people everyone because they won't accept him. He is from a totally different place, culture , language everything but at the same time I know he is a really nice guy who will try his best to keep me happy.

On the other hand it can be an arranged marriage with some one else, who will be the choice of my parents but I won't know the guy. I however , won't lose my people and my society.I will get people with whom i can be friendly and spend my life is a similar environment to that of my present one.

Kindly help in this important decision of my life.

Do you want to live your own life, or have your family live your life for you? Live life for yourself and make your own choices.

annalisa84 · 09-15-2009, 01:52 PM

IMO - If you think the one you love is a good man and worth the sacrifice, go with love.

Day_Walker · 09-15-2009, 03:31 PM

I dont really think its about marriage, what you are truly asking is the life that you want. I think that is what you are choosing between. Do you want a life where your parents pick what is best for you and you will be content with their decision or do you want a life where you make your own choice.

I think this is a difficult issue but it is up to each individual to decide what is best for them. If you have the strength to defy your parents then do so, but many people do not. If you dont have that kind of strength then it seems that you will be in a position where your parents will make the choice for you.

yeawutever · 09-15-2009, 04:20 PM

You'll never be happy if you let your family choose your life for you... I rather choose my partner than have my parents arranging a marriage...

Prachi_Sri01 · 09-16-2009, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hexaemeron

Do you want to live your own life, or have your family live your life for you? Live life for yourself and make your own choices.

I want to live my own life and that's why I chose him. And above all I am fully confident about him that he won't let me down. But the real problem is I am not comfortable with the language and culture of the state he lives in. When I marry him, I will go to that state only where I will have to spend my whole life. I am not sure whether I will be able to accept his family and culture as mine because both of us have totally different upbringing. Its like the union of North and South. WELL it is actually the union of north and South. I am afraid if I go further, I might be leading a life which is totally different from my present life and I am not sure whether I will like it

Prachi_Sri01 · 09-16-2009, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by annalisa84

IMO - If you think the one you love is a good man and worth the sacrifice, go with love.

He is a real good man and he has done a lot for me. Even now he is day and night dreaming about our marriage. To be honest, it is difficult to get COMMITTED guys now a days who really value their gals and who really work for them.
Actually I lived in his place for about 6 months, that's when I started getting scared by the people, culture, language and food of that place and that is when I started getting second thoughts. Before that I never thought about it

Prachi_Sri01 · 09-16-2009, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yeawutever

You'll never be happy if you let your family choose your life for you... I rather choose my partner than have my parents arranging a marriage...

But when it comes to life beyond marriage which you feel you wont be able to adapt to, then what will you do

Prachi_Sri01 · 09-16-2009, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day_Walker

I dont really think its about marriage, what you are truly asking is the life that you want. I think that is what you are choosing between. Do you want a life where your parents pick what is best for you and you will be content with their decision or do you want a life where you make your own choice.

I think this is a difficult issue but it is up to each individual to decide what is best for them. If you have the strength to defy your parents then do so, but many people do not. If you dont have that kind of strength then it seems that you will be in a position where your parents will make the choice for you.

Ya its true, its not exactly about marriage, its about life after marriage. I don't mean parents by society, I mean others like relatives and friends which I feel I wont get any in the new place

indigo777 · 09-16-2009, 10:35 PM

Prachi - my background is one in which arranged marriages are still prevelant so I understand where you are coming from.

For me - years before I even started dating my husband (different race and background) - I made a stand and left home (knowing full well that I was risking all future contact with my family) - and it worked out really well for me. I didn't lose them at all. They went from extremely strict, overprotective people - to really laid back ones almost overnight.

And when I introduced by boyfriend to them (different race) - they welcomed him with open arms.

So it worked well. So you never know - if you take a stand they may well chose you over their fears and prejudices.

And if they chose you the society will follow (not for their own kids - but they won't shun you if your parents dont shun you. The same people who would have lost their minds if their own daughters or sons dated or married inter-racially - saw that my parents treated my husband with love and respect and warmth and open arms and never once said anything negative.. and they followed their example and treated him the same way, out of respect for my parents no doubt).

Anyway so for me - freedom and autonomy was worth losing all that - even with love out of the equation.

And thats really the point. Things could end up badly with your boyfriend - even though its currently a great relationship. But at what price does family come? it shouldnt come at the cost of your freedom and ability to chose your partner in life.

So for me its never a choice of my boyfriend over my family - but my freedom over my family. Either they respect my need for autonomy or they stay out of my life if and until they can come to respect that.

09-15-2009, 01:41 PM	#1
Prachi_Sri01 Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Tamil Nadu(Presently) Gender: Female Posts: 41	What is more important in a marriage- A person whom you know well or a well known society Hi. I want to know what is more important of the family or life partner if you have to choose only one.For me it will be a love marriage in which I am bound to loose my side of people because the guy doesnot belong to our side.I will lose my family, society, people everyone because they won't accept him. He is from a totally different place, culture , language everything but at the same time I know he is a really nice guy who will try his best to keep me happy. On the other hand it can be an arranged marriage with some one else, who will be the choice of my parents but I won't know the guy. I however , won't lose my people and my society.I will get people with whom i can be friendly and spend my life is a similar environment to that of my present one. Kindly help in this important decision of my life.

09-15-2009, 03:31 PM	#4
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,884	I dont really think its about marriage, what you are truly asking is the life that you want. I think that is what you are choosing between. Do you want a life where your parents pick what is best for you and you will be content with their decision or do you want a life where you make your own choice. I think this is a difficult issue but it is up to each individual to decide what is best for them. If you have the strength to defy your parents then do so, but many people do not. If you dont have that kind of strength then it seems that you will be in a position where your parents will make the choice for you. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

09-15-2009, 04:20 PM	#5
yeawutever Online Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,671	You'll never be happy if you let your family choose your life for you... I rather choose my partner than have my parents arranging a marriage... __________________ Opened-minded to those in need of help. Not everything is black and white as it seems.... If you're gonna do something, think twice and make sure it's something worthy that you don't later on regret!!!!!!!!!!! Still in a LDR with boyfriend.

09-16-2009, 10:35 PM	#10
indigo777 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 1,475	Prachi - my background is one in which arranged marriages are still prevelant so I understand where you are coming from. For me - years before I even started dating my husband (different race and background) - I made a stand and left home (knowing full well that I was risking all future contact with my family) - and it worked out really well for me. I didn't lose them at all. They went from extremely strict, overprotective people - to really laid back ones almost overnight. And when I introduced by boyfriend to them (different race) - they welcomed him with open arms. So it worked well. So you never know - if you take a stand they may well chose you over their fears and prejudices. And if *they* chose you the society will follow (not for their own kids - but they won't shun you if your parents dont shun you. The same people who would have lost their minds if their own daughters or sons dated or married inter-racially - saw that my parents treated my husband with love and respect and warmth and open arms and never once said anything negative.. and they followed their example and treated him the same way, out of respect for my parents no doubt). Anyway so for me - freedom and autonomy was worth losing all that - even with love out of the equation. And thats really the point. Things could end up badly with your boyfriend - even though its currently a great relationship. But at what price does family come? it shouldnt come at the cost of your freedom and ability to chose your partner in life. So for me its never a choice of my boyfriend over my family - but my freedom over my family. Either they respect my need for autonomy or they stay out of my life if and until they can come to respect that. __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love is the answer.

09-15-2009, 01:52 PM	#3
annalisa84 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 274	IMO - If you think the one you love is a good man and worth the sacrifice, go with love.